Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 407756 times)

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Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #180 on: December 17, 2006, 10:22:33 PM »
There was a Lavers at BUK when I was across the road at WTC. (Was it Philip or John? - I can't remember his first name) and I remember his very, very attractive wife (which was a surpise to us as he didn't seem to be that sort of guy - if you know what I mean).
My daughter-in-law was not an educated girl.  I think she would be described as  a "bush girl" who had left her family when she was very young and come to Kano when she had been given to be married to an old man which she did not want. She would be around fifteen years (or younger) when she met my son. My son (who was also young and attending St Thomas School in Kano)) had smuggled her into his quarters and we did not know for some months that she was there.
They were married after some time in Fatima Church near Sabon Gari.
My daughter-in-law is no longer with my son (who has mental health problems now due to using too much ganga) but she remains on good terms with us. She has just qualified after a two year training course to act as a classroom assistant in schools which is a very fine achievement considering her background and we are proud of her.
maigemu

Offline bakangizo

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« Reply #181 on: December 18, 2006, 11:32:42 AM »
Wani bafulatani ya shigo gari sai yaga ana shan shayi. Ya samu wuri ya zauna, ya ce mai shayi ya zubo masa. Mai shayi ya dauko kofi, ya saka lipton da madara da siga ya bashi. Dan fulani ya shanye ruwan shayi, sai ya ga lipton teabag a cikin kofi. Shi bai san ko menene ba, yace a ranshi tunda dai a cikin shayin yake, lallai to ci ake, kuma kar yayi asarar kudin shi.

Sai ya sa hannu ya dauka ya jefa a baki. Ya tauna, ya ji tauri. Ya dai yi ta tauna da kyar ya hadiye, idon shi duk ya cika da kwalla. Ya tashi yayi tafiyar sa. Can wata rana ya dawo gurin mai shayi, sai yace "mai shayi a zubo mini shayi nan, amma don Allah kar ka sa naman shayin nan yau". A ka bushe da dariya, wato lipton shine naman shayi tunda shi dai bai san sunan shi ba.

Offline HUSNAA

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« Reply #182 on: December 18, 2006, 03:44:30 PM »
Quote from: "precious"
Kai! Its such a small world.I do know the Lavers family and Husnaa knows them,too.Maybe I know Husnaa,too :D


Maybe..jus maybe Precious.. :D .
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline precious

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« Reply #183 on: December 18, 2006, 06:40:57 PM »
Quote from: "HUSNAA"
Quote from: "precious"
Kai! Its such a small world.I do know the Lavers family and Husnaa knows them,too.Maybe I know Husnaa,too :D


Maybe..jus maybe Precious.. :D .

 :D  :D


Wani bafillatani ne yana tafiya dare yayi masa a tsakiyar daji,kuma ruwan sama ya tsinko mai yawa.Can yana neman inda zai fake sai ya hango wata bukka.Ya nufe ta,ya buga kofar.Sai wani mutum da matarsa kyakkyawar gaske suka bude kofa.Bafillatani ya roka a barshi ya kwana nan zuwa safe ya wuce.Sai maigidan ya ce "ka ga a gaskiya daki daya ne nan,kuma ni da matata ne bai kamata ka kwan da mu daki daya ba"
Bafillace yayi ta magiya ,ita matar taji tausayinsa tace maigidan ya barshi man,ai ko a kasa kan tabarma ya kwanta, mai makon a barshi ruwa yayi mishi duka.Maigida ya yarda yace ya shigo.
Ashe kai bafillace ka kyasa matar mutum.Can sunyi barci sai ya dafe kan gado.Firgigit maigida ya tashi ya ce"kai! meya haka?"
Sai bafillace yace,"don Allah kayi hakuri Wallahi Hwado wa nayi".

Maigida kam yace masa ya fita ,ina aka taba fado wa kan gado daga kasa.

Offline HUSNAA

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« Reply #184 on: December 18, 2006, 07:25:04 PM »
Kai Precious, Wallahi har kusan kware wa nayi sabo da dariya!!! :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline bakangizo

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« Reply #185 on: December 21, 2006, 11:38:23 AM »
Husnaa and co. should love this :D


A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house
and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an
 even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the
family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the
floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was
spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over
toys and more piles of clothes looking for his wife. He was worried she
might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a
small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys
strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"
 "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Offline HUSNAA

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« Reply #186 on: December 21, 2006, 11:47:48 AM »
Quote from: "Bakan~Gizo"
Husnaa and co. should love this :D

Too right BKG, I felt a sense of justice in the joke.  :D  However, honestly, I am not a feminist, I just dont like that male superior attitude when it is not deserved that is all :)
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline bakangizo

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« Reply #187 on: December 22, 2006, 11:28:52 AM »
Let me leave you guys with the following jokes. I'm starting my leave, so I may not post as regularly as I do. At least I won't be around to take the backlash for the second joke :lol:

Recruitment.

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Head of Human Resources was hit by a bus and he died. His soul was met at the Pearly gates by St Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven", said St Peter." Before you get settled in, it seems we have a problem. You see, we've never had a Head of Human Resources make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you".

"No problem, just let me in" said the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we are going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the man.

"Sorry, we have rules... " And with that St Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down to hell. The doors opened and he found himself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of him were all his friends - fellow executives that he had worked with and they were all cheering for him. They ran up and kissed him on both cheeks and talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where he enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. He met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy and he had a great time telling jokes and dancing. Everybody shook his hand and waved goodbye as he got in the elevator.

The elevator opened at the Heavens gates and he found St Peter waiting for him. He spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp and singing. He had a great time and before he knew it his 24 hours were up and St Peter came and got him.

"So you have spent a day in hell, and a day in Heaven. Now choose your eternity" he said.

The man replied: "Well I never thought I would say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all that, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St Peter escorted him to the elevator and again he went back to Hell. When the doors opened he found himself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. He saw his friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to him and put his arm around his.

"I don't understand," stammered the man, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is are wastelands and garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at him and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff....."
:wink:

Offline bakangizo

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« Reply #188 on: December 22, 2006, 11:40:09 AM »
Doctor Jose had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Jose, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:



"Jose...............




Jose................




Jose................

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You're a vet!"
:shock:

Ciao!! 8)

Offline *~MuDa~*

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« Reply #189 on: December 22, 2006, 06:56:18 PM »
Lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz BKG...dats nasty...so wut did he sleept with...an Orangutan? Lolzzzzzzzzzzz! Oh My!
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline *~MuDa~*

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« Reply #190 on: December 22, 2006, 07:14:35 PM »
Crazy Chinese Proverbs

Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline *~MuDa~*

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« Reply #191 on: December 22, 2006, 07:24:22 PM »
A Rich Man's Dream

One day a multi billionaire was board, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men.

A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've a deal you can't refuse. Who can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leaches. The winner may have whatever his heat desires."

No one replies so the man gives up.

All of a sudden the man hears a splash. One of the men is swimming as fast as he can, dodging all the sharks, eels, and leaches.

The billionaire was so impressed that someone had enough guts take up his challenge. He congratulates the man and asks him what he wants.

The man replies "I want the Sun of a B.i.tch who pushed me in"
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #192 on: March 05, 2007, 08:52:54 PM »
Bringing this back to page 1. Lets laugh again. I start. Ahem...


A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi"

Offline kitkat

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #193 on: March 06, 2007, 02:01:00 AM »
Kai! Its such a small world.I do know the Lavers family and Husnaa knows them,too.Maybe I know Husnaa,too :D

we frolicked with one ibrahim lavers back in the days although i recall he was all black not half caste!! world keeps getting smaller precious and husnaa... heh heh heh

Offline Dave McEwan Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #194 on: March 06, 2007, 11:21:04 PM »
Should children witness childbirth?

  Due to a power outage, only one paramedic  responded to the call. The house
  was very dark so the paramedic asked  Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a
  flashlight high over her mommy so he could  see while he helped deliver the
  baby.
  Very diligently, Kathleen did as she  was asked.  Heidi pushed and   pushed  and after a little  while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his   little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry ..

  The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her  help and asked the wide-eyed
  3-yr old what she thought about what she  had just witnessed.


  Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't  have crawled in there in the
  first
  place......smack his ass  again!"


 


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