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STATE OF EMERGENCY

Started by alkanawi, January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM

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alkanawi

National anthem fades....
Fellow Nigerians,
You are all aware of the  results of the recent census excercise conducted in the country by this administration.The results showed a preponderance of males over females meaning that the available resources can not go round adequately and equitably.This is a grevious situation that calls for urgent and revolutionary measures in order to avert as well as minimise the consequences of such imbalance on our nation polity.
After wide consultation with our foreign masters in the western world,IMF,World Bank,and other stakeholders in the exploitation of our resources,Nigerians in Diaspora,etc,the Federal executive council(read me,General Sege) has come up with some far reaching and critical decisions as follows

Short term measures
1)An immediate ban on having more than one wife(my muslim brothers would have to show some sacrifice in this hour of need)
2)A sizable percentage of my fellow xtians are mandated to enter into the celibate life of priesthood(this has the advantage of helping your country as well as God at the same time,but please and please no boys)
3)All widows and matronly ladies are encouraged,begged,asked,beseeched to remarry

Long term measures
1)Those female-rich states are to enter into workable arrangement with female-deficit states whereby in the long run the imbalance would be addressed
2)Part of our foreign reserves(the one not yet looted) would be used to source for partners from other countries.In line with our policy of African cooperation and integration,we have opened talks with our neighbours in the West African subregion.
3)A credit facility has been secured with the international financial agencies,at concessionary rate of 75% payable within 5 years,for mega housing provision nationwide excluding Lagos, where every 3 people own a house. This is to help our youth in settling down
4)A sensitisation programme would commence immediately targeted at our men to bear with the temporary hardship.

A commitee of experts and technocrats comprising demographers,economists,and scientists would soon be inaugurated and would be burdened with the task of working out modalities and finer details of this onerous task.
Once again, my coutry men, this is one of the most challenging and trying times in the history of our nation(although rigging 2003 election was hard too).It therefore calls for that extra sacrifice and commitment as we face such daunting obstacles and hardship.All hands must be on deck untill victory is achieved.
As one of the greatest Africans Yohanna F Keni said,(by the way he is from my town Abeokuta)"think not what your country can do for you,but what you can do to perpetuate my presidency so that i can continue to provide with good life"

Members of the public can contribute in proffering solutions to the crisis situation although there is no guarantee i would heed their advice


Thank you
God bless me and my country.
Anthem starts.........
"corgito ergo sum"

Dan-Borno

Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
The results showed a preponderance of males over females meaning that the available resources can not go round adequately and equitably.

"what a man can do, a woman can do better"

Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
1)An immediate ban on having more than one wife(my muslim brothers would have to show some sacrifice in this hour of need)

What of dini-dano, kafi aure dadi? will they also ban it?

Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
2)Part of our foreign reserves(the one not yet looted) would be used to source for partners from other countries.In line with our policy of African cooperation and integration,we have opened talks with our neighbours in the West African subregion.

How do we recover the ones that where looted?


Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
4)A sensitisation programme would commence immediately targeted at our men to bear with the temporary hardship.

Ah, hardship again! what of the one we are experiencing? abi una wan kill us ne?


Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
2)A sizable percentage of my fellow xtians are mandated to enter into the celibate life of priesthood(this has the advantage of helping your country as well as God at the same time,but please and please no boys)

???  ???  ??? why excluding the boys? why not replace them with beautiful young girls?

Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
3)All widows and matronly ladies are encouraged,begged,asked,beseeched to remarry

we understand that of the widows, amma ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D matronly ladies? be precise please.



Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
1)Those female-rich states are to enter into workable arrangement with female-deficit states whereby in the long run the imbalance would be addressed

Zi froblem is not that they are female rich state
but ziya girls no gree marry kwata kwata.
while in other states (that have deficit femlae deficit) ze go po masana, wa sulasa, au ruba'a.
i sink ze are incompatible - ziz workable arrangement can not work.

Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
3)A credit facility has been secured with the international financial agencies,at concessionary rate of 75% payable within 5 years,for mega housing provision nationwide excluding Lagos, where every 3 people own a house. This is to help our youth in settling down

Then Lagos should be wiped away from our map, abi?

Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
A commitee of experts and technocrats comprising demographers,economists,and scientists would soon be inaugurated and would be burdened with the task of working out modalities and finer details of this onerous task.

I will recommend Aunty Husna to Chair this Committee of Expert and Technocrats


Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
Members of the public can contribute in proffering solutions to the crisis situation although there is no guarantee i would heed their advice

You refuse advise earlier, that is why your attempted third term agenda failed.


Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
Thank you

For what? explain more please.

Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
God bless me ....

May God punish you.

Quote from: alkanawi on January 18, 2007, 05:59:18 AM
Anthem starts.........

Anthem fades.........
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

gogannaka

Maybe Yar'adua should hire you as his speech writer.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment