Her father will not let her get married on the grounds that she should complete

[bamalli]

Her father will not let her get married on the grounds that she should complete her education

Question:
I have received some proposals but my father refuses them, and justifies this by saying that I must complete my education first. I have tried to convince them about my wish to marry and that it will not affect my education negatively. But my parents insist on their opinion. Is it permissible for me to marry without their approval? What shall I do otherwise?.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly your father's preventing you from getting married to someone compatible is haraam. Marriage is more important than study, and it does not rule out study because it is possible to do both.

In your situation it is permissible for you to contact the sharee'ah court and tell them what has happened, then after that the final decision is up to the court. End quote.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him).


Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah (2/704), compiled by Ashraf ibn 'Abd al-Maqsood.

[lionger]

Her father will not let her get married on the grounds that she should complete her education

Question:
I have received some proposals but my father refuses them, and justifies this by saying that I must complete my education first. I have tried to convince them about my wish to marry and that it will not affect my education negatively. But my parents insist on their opinion. Is it permissible for me to marry without their approval? What shall I do otherwise?.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly your father's preventing you from getting married to someone compatible is haraam. Marriage is more important than study, and it does not rule out study because it is possible to do both.

Hm Oga Bamalli, I have extremely strong reservations about the bolded sentence, and especially the underlined part.  I'm not sure that this is the sort of advice that we should be giving to our young women, especially in the context of our society and the wider third-world sub-Saharan Africa. Don't you think so?

[Fateez]

I actually agree with Lionger. Let me not even get into it before it becomes a campaign

for feminism. Looking at it generally I think the father's intentions are positive and he's

not anti-marriage. He just has her best interest at heart (Like most parents do for their

children). Let's face the facts, not everyone can handle marriage and study at the same

time. In fact go to Northern Nigeria and see for yourself. I salute the people that actually

went through this and survived both because usually one survives and leaves the other.

If she's too studious and he's not the understanding type, the marriage fails. If she's not

studious and he's not the encouraging type, she drops out. And oh, of course there are

always cases of husbands preventing their wives from studying because "they have the

right to". With these kinds of things happening in the society, I would totally understand

why a father would want his daughters to complete their education and get married afterwards.

After all, he's not anti-marriage, he just has principles. There's a time for everything. Lord

knows how much he would've toiled all his life to make sure he educates his children and it'll

make sense that he doesn't want to take chances in this situation. No need to complicate matters.

[ummita]

I remember holding a little speech to Sudanese Muslim who travelled out for the Islamic conference. I noticed their unawareness on the religious assertion Islam has on knowledge quest. Some sisters raised disturbing concerns that marriage does pose difficulty in the midst of acquiring knowledge. But it is in my belief that marriage is not an obstacle to pursuing knowledge; rather it may help in the pursuit of knowledge.
Fateez, you pointed out that marriage and education is not catch twenty two but neither is it problematic. It takes two to tango. Religion is akin to knowledge. And if you are speaking about the time required for seeking knowledge, whilst in the whirlwinds of marital & domestic obligations, then this is something people have to make adjustments to fit in with their academia. It's all down to time management!

The sahaabah, scholars and Taabi'een and early scholar all did it. They had wives and families but that was not too much of a herculean task to distract them from acquiring knowledge. Not to worry when you land into it with plentiful kids and you are still seeking knowledge for your professorship, then you will find out it is not all that hard, even though there are odd times.

Oh...and lastly, as you know Islam professes dat wen a woman reaches her adolescent stage, marriage should be hastened. But the issue of a father not allowing or prefaring that his daughter does not wed in accord to her free will, but only when she has completed her studies is rather wrong. It's just this incoherent ideas gushing over our minds that only when a woman finally completes her education will she have "the diamond life". It is not so in plenty cases. What has been ordained will simply be. One's destiny to a good life or not  can never be altered even if the woman was 'Issac Von Inkenstickle' So such liberated and pregnable principles should not used against religious principles. If a woman desires to pursue her studies she can still wed and can still wed in the middle of her studies but in my view the passageway to knowledge is like a lifetime event & thus d seeker of knowledge shud continue 2 do so until he/she meets God.

[ummita]

Oh, ...........let me quickly address this in relation to brother Bamalli's piece of line. Marriage is important and so is education. Picking either of them is not a sinful act as you know. Many Hadiths profess that man and woman should seek knowledge with the right mind awareness before they reach the position of prominence.

As narrated by Abu Sa'edd Al-Khudri:  the Prophet (P.B.U.H) commented that "the believer will never have enough of listening to good things (seeking knowledge) until he reaches Paradise." Al Tirmidhi (2686)

Thus I believe knowledge seeking is best picked up when young. And if seeking knowledge is prescribed throughout one's life, and life ends only at death, it is essential for the seeker of knowledge to combine meeting worldly needs with pursuit of knowledge. That includes marriage, and thus marriage should never be a barrier to seeking knowledge. If the seeker of knowledge regards the pursuit of knowledge as the greatest act of worship in which he may spend the years of his life, then marriage, work and taking care of worldly needs only serve that lifetime project, which is worshipping Allaah by acquiring knowledge.

The Prophet (P.B.U.H) also held that: "This world is cursed, as is everything in it, except for remembrance of Allaah (dhikr) and what he likes (righteous deeds etc), and a scholar or a student." Al-Tirmidhi (2322).

Lastly, Abu Haamid al-Ghazaali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Ihya' 'Uloom al-Deen (2/44): If a man has the right quality and is free from problems, so his wealth is all halaal and he is of good character and he is serious about his religious commitment, then getting married will not distract him from Allaah and his quest for knowledge".

Apologies...if my statements caused raised brows! Just adding the little I know.
Dip?

Bamalli.....your posts here are beyound admiration. More blessings to you.

PS: Relax Lionger! And where hav u been hiding all these "years". AWOL.

[Hafsy_Lady]

Oh...and lastly, as you know Islam professes dat wen a woman reaches her adolescent stage, marriage should be hastened. But the issue of a father not allowing or prefaring that his daughter does not wed in accord to her free will, but only when she has completed her studies is rather wrong. It's just this incoherent ideas gushing over our minds that only when a woman finally completes her education will she have "the diamond life". It is not so in plenty cases. What has been ordained will simply be. One's destiny to a good life or not  can never be altered even if the woman was 'Issac Von Inkenstickle' So such liberated and pregnable principles should not used against religious principles. If a woman desires to pursue her studies she can still wed and can still wed in the middle of her studies but in my view the passageway to knowledge is like a lifetime event & thus d seeker of knowledge shud continue 2 do so until he/she meets God.

Very, very, very correct and so, so, so true. This is the sort of issue my uncle had with his daugther. As a postgrad student, very well behaved girl and having a well paid job for a young girl of that age, she had too many marriage proposals at hand and when she finally said Yes "willingly" it was then that her father said no. She agreed and infact I was even thinking of the "ashobi" even before the prospective groom sent his people. Well the day came when his people where to meet my uncle and his family. My uncle said no chance!!!! She has to do her Phd.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so angry that I was ranting and raving in the room saying. Kai Baffa is too abunan! Ba Phd zata yi ba, ya manta.... XYZ ne. Not knowing he came to pass the room we were in and he over heard us. Not going into details, I got a bad one. Anyway TRUE, it is the sort of misguided thougths some of the elders have. "For the love of my child, I want her to get the best" but that does not mean supressing what she really wants. And true, Ummita it conflicts with religious obligations! As religion frowns upons anyone who tries to stop a marriage without just cause. A fathers obligatory duty is to give his child the best and guide her in choosing a man and not to be forced unwilling to marry or to be stopped from marrying. At the end of the day it is only God who can bequest you with the best and what he thinks fit! I am all for education and may I take the liberty to say if a woman wants to marry and leave studies, its her choice. Education is as I "stress" very important but aint nothing you can do if one opines otherwise.     

These are the sort of little issues that get some or other religious disciples thinking, the rules of shariah are in their own opinion strict. As I always say its very easy only if people start saying: Islam says this, but there are rules of exceptions too!!!! Now some people might start having the lame idea that islam promotes marriage and not knowledge.

Allah dai ya zabar ma kowa abin dayafi alkhair.

Ah' Ummita marriage and studies is not easy wo! Speak for yourself!

Jzakallahu Khairan for this piece Bamalli.