MY LOVE STORIES!!!

[abdulgee]

Dear ! ::)
     So many times I thought life is so unfair. I know there are reasons why we can't be together. Reasons that God only knows, but this will not be the reason for me to forget you. You really know how much I love you and care for you but there is nothing I can do more. Even though we're apart, this will not be the end of our commitment. You are the best thing that ever happened in my whole, entire, damn life.

Just always remember that I really treasure your love and cares for me. I really love you so.


It's been years since the last time I saw your face. I had seen so many moons and sunsets but still no trace of your smile. My heart longed for you as the flowers longed for the rain. What have you been doing now? I hope you still remember the way I called your name back then. There are so many things that I can't forget about you. The way you comb your hair in the beautiful daylight, the way you speak, the way you swear, the way you walk and from this I must say ... I love everything about you. I wish I could be there where you are right now. To hold you and tell the very secret that my soul kept inside up to now - that I love you. This is my purpose in life ... to protect you and give all the very best for you. As I write this letter, I can almost feel you beside me.

Last night, in my dreams, I saw your face. You are so beautiful. You were standing at the beach and the wind was blowing through your hair. Your face is a vision I think I could never find in anyone else. Then I started to reach you but as soon as I'm getting nearer to you ... You were fading away and I couldn't do anything about it ... I started to bow my head and began crying but then I heard your voice calling out to me ... As you were fading away, I find myself remembering everything about those beautiful moments ... moments with you.

I always dream of you this way ... And as the days passes by, my love for you will never go, it grows stronger and deeper in the depths of my heart. Please don't ask me why do still long for you ... for there's no one else but you that this heart of mine would love forever. My heart will always belong to you and all my love I send to you.

You are my heart, you are my life, you are my smile, you are my world... and you are my love.


My precious friend, I recall the chilling silent black darkness that surrounded me every moment when you were not around. It has been more then 10 months since you made the split, your second decision that was to change your world. It certainly changed mine. For ten months I have stood mummy-like in the centre of a spiral of questions that bounced back off the stars to return unanswered, just the same questions ringing ever louder in my ears. It is a strange sensation.

The way those questions take the rainbow splashes of color which you, my love, my best friend, splashed with the freedom of a child on the canvas of my life, and blend them with dizzying speed into each other. So I stand at the centre of something quite terrifying, yet strangely beautiful. Every so often there is peace there as one of those magnificent colors, the hue of another beautiful memory, washes over and through me and I smile through my tears.

Can I go on? If every pair of eyes capable of reading was to read these words, would it make a difference? Will they help to silence those unanswered questions, those things I'll wish forever that I'd said to you rather than "I have to go, good-bye"? Will they wrap them up tightly for me in a box, nail it shut with a million nails and throw them, with the force of the whole earth, out beyond the stars never to bounce back and deafen me again?

No. My canvas will always have, as a backdrop, that hauntingly beautiful spiral of color. What is it I want to say ...? I am sorry. I am sorry that I was young and selfish and insensitive and careless. I am sorry that by your action, you became my teacher - the teacher of so many painful lessons, when I'd much rather you'd stayed my lover. Actually, that is what I really want to say to you. I love you. I have hurt, and in my aching condition of guilt and self-loathing, I have hurt other people. It is to them that I owe an apology. But this is my love letter to you.

Sometimes I wish that I never knew you. Like a child allowed chocolate just once, then never again, I've struggled to find satisfaction in a world of unshared pleasures. Yes, I have shared many things with many people - but my soul has always ached for you. I remember how strangely you were acting in our last week together. So strangely that I even asked to myself, you were thinking of "doing something silly. Strangely though, when you left, I had to stop myself from shouting out and running to you and holding you and telling you the words that choke me still, I love you.

Would it have made a difference if I had? I have become a firm believer that nothing happens by chance. In fact, I have learnt to look for meaning and signs in the world around me all the time now. Do you remember the first time when we went to Barista? It was the sweetest drink I ever had in my whole life. But because of my unknowingly mistakes you disappeared. What a cruel destiny. I wonder how many people realized how deep the water I had landed in was. Perhaps I was drowning. Would I have realized what a precious gift I had been given and treasured it with my life will cross our paths several months later?

"If," ... What a useless word! A ticket to an eternal preoccupation with the past - and with how it could have been. It was the way it was. It is the way it is. And that is that. We make the choices we have to make. Yes, we may look back and realize how wrong or foolish we were to have taken the route we did, but the fact remains we can only make today's choices with today's information, wisdom, and providence. I realize all this now - but heaven alone knows how I have stretched the tape of my mind's eye, rewinding and re-playing those last few conversations, imagining what would have happened if....

Writing to you now - I feel movement through a kaleidoscope of emotions. Sometimes I've the instinct to sink deep into pits of the earth, beyond the damp darkness into the molten heat of the earth's core and there be consumed by hell's flames. It was my fault. I saw the accusations in your eyes whenever I had met you. But even more so, I saw it staring back at me when I looked in the mirror. I had lessons to learn. I would have to get up every morning, even when I had not slept all night and wanted to bury myself beneath the covers and cry and cry every tear that bloated me. I would have to look at the reflection staring back at me and, eventually, I'd have to learn to love it.

No simple task. Only now that I am beginning to see goodness in the eyes reflected in my mirror do I see how deep my guilt and self-hatred has run. Suffice to say that I have not been kind to myself. I have tried to escape in foolish ways. I have avoided my own work and allowed my talents to stagnate. But the arms of God have held me gently, so I have escaped any serious harm, and through it all I have grown.

My sweet, sweet angel, people have told me how selfish I was and how angry you have a right to be. I am not angry with you. Please know this. I am ready for love now, to give and receive it. So please say good-bye. Not to the kaleidoscope of colors, or the memories or the love that will cross forever, but good-bye to the pain and the prison of self-loathing that was my previous life.

Your truly & everlasting friend,

Gee  ???

[abdulgee]

 ???Well a year ago i got the lucky chance to get hooked up wuth this lovly girl Halima, she was everything i was looking for in a girl,smart,funny,a sense of humor matching mine, and beautiful!I almost shit when i asked her out and she said yes.I was overwelmed with joy.We were together for a week and three days then she decided it was time to move on.My heart was broken, i fell into a depression and cried for a week, then finally pulled myself together and decided it was time to let go.Going to school every day and seeing her tore me apart inside,but i never let it show.Then me and this other girl,Fati,we were together almost a year when she decided to break my heart.In that time we are together and had the time of our lives!I actully thought she was "The One",but guess i was wrong.She broke up with me on the 10th of September and on the 28th would've been a year.So i took the break up really hard,but to my surprise Halima was there for me!And to say the least old feelings started to return for her.So...sience me and Fati had been through so damn much,her feelings also remainded for me.Last Thuresday(September 19,2002)Fati decidd to ask me back out,so i said yes forgeting about me and Halima.Then later on that night Halima called me, and i knew i had to break the news to her.Then we started talking and she told me her feelings for me, and she really liked me and always has.It turns out the reason she broke up with me had nothing to do with love.So after that i broke the news to her, and she got sad(she may not admit it, but I knew she was hurt)I then told her that she should've told me this the day before...and it was left at that.The next day at school,I saw Fati,so i gave her a hug and a big kiss.I knew Halima was right there,and I cant imagin how it felt for her to see that.I felt bad about it like all day.During lunch time Fati came up to me and told me that we had to talk,we went off by our selves and we talked.It turns out that she had found out about me and Halima, and that she liked me alot, and that my feelings had also returned.She was pissed to say the least.She said "Everytime you talk to her,or touch her I'm going to think that something is going on between the two of you" so i asked her stright up "So you dont trust me?" she said "No" so then after fighting about my feelings we eventully broke up yet agian!So i was pissed,hurt,and sad at the same time.I got over Fati later that day,because of my feelings for Halima,and decided it was time to move on.I called Halima later on and at the end of our conversation i asked her out,it was quite for alittle so my heart started racing because I was nervious,then she said yes!I was so excited and so happy!!So far for the past three days we've been together has been the best,we both make each other equaly happy!We haven't said those three magic words yet,but I'm pretty sure that we both know that we do.We havn't kissed yet either.Most times that would be a problem,but with her I'll wait forever for anything!!I love her with all my heart,to which she holds the key to.Halima if you are reading this,I love you cutie!!  ;D......Gee!