Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 390792 times)

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Offline nasr19

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #855 on: July 18, 2010, 04:32:17 AM »
ha ha, nice one. next time u r visiting, FAST, ll saves alot of time n annoyance.
 really nice one! but Ummutameem, fasting may not save you....

Question: what would you like to have, fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino  or coffee?
Answer:    Nothing. I'm fasting

Question: Will you like to wait in the living room, in the garden or by the swimming pool?
Answer: living room please

Question: Will you like to watch the TV, listen to radio, read newspapers or magazines?
Answer: TV will be fine

Question: Satellite or local channels
Answer: Just give me the remote

Question: Which remote: TV, DSTV, Hi-TV, Satellite receiver or external antenna?
Answer: Thanks. Just say I came in briefly. Bye.

Offline ummutameem

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #856 on: July 18, 2010, 11:19:37 AM »
ha ha ha ha............OMG, people r smthing else, u r right fasting may not help, we can try avoiding them altogether!

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #857 on: July 19, 2010, 10:34:30 AM »
LOL,
Nasr good one!
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #858 on: July 22, 2010, 11:21:38 PM »
A little girl speaks speaks to her mother
"Mummy, all the boys down at the play park really like to watch me doing handturns"
 Mummy replies
 "Oh dear, they just want to see your knickers"
Little girl
" I know mummy. That's why I've got them in my pocket"
maigemu

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #859 on: July 28, 2010, 05:36:29 PM »
ha ha, nice one. next time u r visiting, FAST, ll saves alot of time n annoyance.
 really nice one! but Ummutameem, fasting may not save you....

Question: what would you like to have, fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino  or coffee?
Answer:    Nothing. I'm fasting

Question: Will you like to wait in the living room, in the garden or by the swimming pool?
Answer: living room please

Question: Will you like to watch the TV, listen to radio, read newspapers or magazines?
Answer: TV will be fine

Question: Satellite or local channels
Answer: Just give me the remote

Question: Which remote: TV, DSTV, Hi-TV, Satellite receiver or external antenna?
Answer: Thanks. Just say I came in briefly. Bye.

Good one, nasr19  ;D

Offline ummutameem

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #860 on: July 28, 2010, 08:50:52 PM »
RUSSIA: we were the first on space.
USA: we were the first on the moon.
NIGERIA: we will be the first on the sun.
USA: you cant land on the sun, it is too hot!
NIGERIA: we are not stupid, we will go at night.

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #861 on: November 14, 2010, 10:06:47 PM »
  Why I'm divorced . . .

  Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..   

  I went downstairs for breakfast   
  hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,   
  'Happy Birthday!',   
  and possibly have a small present for me.   

  As it turned out,   
  she barely said good morning,   
  let alone   
' Happy Birthday.'   

  I thought....   

  Well, that's marriage for you,   
  but the kids....   
  They will remember.   

  My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
  and didn't say a word..   
  So when I left for the office,   
  I felt pretty low   
  and somewhat despondent.   

  As I walked into my office,   
  my secretary Jane said,   
  'Good Morning Boss,   
  and by the way   
  Happy Birthday ! '   
  It felt a little better   
  that at least someone had remembered.   

  I worked until one o'clock ,   
  when Jane knocked on my door   
  and said, 'You know,   
  It's such a beautiful day outside,   
  and it is your Birthday,   
  what do you say we go out to lunch,   
  just you and me..'   
  I said, 'Thanks, Jane,   
  that's the greatest thing   
  I've heard all day.   
  Let's go !'   

  We went to lunch.   
  But we didn't go   
  where we normally would go.
  She chose instead at a quiet bistro   
  with a private table.   
  We had two martinis each   
  and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.   

  On the way back to the office,
  Jane said, 'You know,   
  It's such a beautiful day...   
  We don't need to go straight back to the office,   
  Do We ?'   

  I responded,   
  'I guess not.   
  What do you have in mind ?'   
  She said,   
 'Let's drop by my apartment,   
  it's just around the corner..'   

  After arriving at her apartment,   
  Jane turned to me and said,

  ' Boss, if you don't mind,   
  I'm going to step into the bedroom   
  for just a moment.   
  I'll be right back.'   
  'Ok.' I nervously replied.   

  She went into the bedroom and,   
  after a couple of minutes,   
  she came out   
  carrying a huge birthday cake ...   
  Followed   
  by my wife,   
  my kids,   
  and dozens of my friends   
  and co-workers,   
  all singing 'Happy Birthday'.   


  And I just sat there....   

  On the couch....   

  Naked.
maigemu

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #862 on: November 18, 2010, 05:22:20 PM »
 :o :o ;D ;D

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #863 on: December 06, 2010, 10:37:46 PM »

A guy was having sex with a village gurl without a condom, she realises this, and says....,you dont have AIDS sha? Abi you have? the guy replied, no ohhh!....the gurl said,,, ah"thank God, because I dont ever want to catch that thing again......
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #864 on: December 14, 2010, 03:17:01 PM »
And he fainted right away, abi? ;D

Offline ummutameem

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #865 on: December 22, 2010, 12:21:00 PM »
ha ha ha, u guys r killing me!

i saw dis today:
a couple agreed dat whenever they want to make love they ll talk in codes.

one day d husband sent his son to d kitchen to tell d wife dat she shld come he wants to make a call, she sent d son back wit: tell ur dad im out of coverage, he sent back dat if she doesnt come he ll go make d call elsewhere, n she sent back: tell ur dad if he does dat im going to open a call center here!

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #866 on: January 03, 2011, 12:32:57 AM »
A rude joke

Husband ,to wife in bed "I'm tired of all this foreplay nonsense. Lets make it simple. If I feel like having sex I'll just lean over and stroke your breast. If you feel like initiating sex just lean over and pull my p*nis. If you don't feel like it just pull it 100 times!

maigemu

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #867 on: January 04, 2011, 07:42:44 AM »
Tone it down a bit, Dave.

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #868 on: January 13, 2011, 11:43:17 PM »
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.


 Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I
intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very
special watch. It's been in my family for six generations"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
Chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. .. .

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
Gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the
Swaying watch, until, suddenly, the chain broke, it slipped from the
hypnotist's' fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred
pieces.

"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center.
Claude was never invited back.

maigemu

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #869 on: January 25, 2011, 05:24:11 PM »
Wife:  What's wrong with you?!! I called you on the phone to tell you I had a flat tyre, and a vulcanizer was working on it, and you sounded over the top!

Husband: Ah! Sorry. I thought you said you were tired in a flat and a womanizer was working on you ???

 


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