Are we romantic????????????!!

[HUSNAA]

Look u guys are forgetting one thing. All yr give give give b4 the marriage is to impress the girl. Once ta shiga cikin gidajen ku, u make an about turn and curtail yr expenditures. So if she takes takes and takes its because she is making the most of the temporary donations that u guys make prior to the bondage.

[Ibro2g]

Alas, a brave one has spoken! Husnaa u maybe right, but even after the marriage, mostly the man continues to supply, continues to enslave himself to provide, its his duty and honour. The man gladly fulfills, mostly. As if it is not romantic enuff, he makes sacrifices, for d "betterment" of the family. Isnt Sacrifice the ultimate romance?
He goes on, provodes protection, security and comfort. True, his duty. Still he delivers.

Even the most uptight men show concern to the slightest sign of pain from thier spouse, but maigida is just too unromantic isnt't he. When in truth most of em prefer a raise in thier allowances than a book of poetry from thier husbands.

I didnt come to make any accusations, i just want everyone to accept he/she has a role to play in the romancing of our nation. I'll start with saying, "sorry my dears, we'll do better"


Safety and Peace

[HUSNAA]

Alas, a brave one has spoken! Husnaa u maybe right, but even after the marriage, mostly the man continues to supply, continues to enslave himself to provide, its his duty and honour. The man gladly fulfills, mostly. As if it is not romantic enuff, he makes sacrifices, for d "betterment" of the family. Isnt Sacrifice the ultimate romance?
He goes on, provodes protection, security and comfort. True, his duty. Still he delivers.



Safety and Peace

A man has to provide security protection and comfort for his family becos it is his RELIGIOUS duty to do so. There should be no gunaguni about that from the men. If the domestic financial situation were ideal, women would not go out to work. I am telling you, despite the fact that we like to be financially independent, I can assure you that given the ideal situation where by the husband provides for his wife adequately, sees to all her needs, doesnt crap about it, ba gori, and doesnt belittle her as a result of that (by making her feel like an almajira when she is entitled to be looked after by him), doesnt blackmail her with threats of divorce or additional kishiya simply becos he has the capability to add another woman, or becos the wife cant maintain herself in the way that he can maintain her, or that she would fall into financial difficulties if she leaves him... if none of these happen, no wife would leave the comfort of her home to go and slave all day for a mere pittance somewhere.

Even the most uptight men show concern to the slightest sign of pain from thier spouse, but maigida is just too unromantic isnt't he. When in truth most of em prefer a raise in thier allowances than a book of poetry from thier husbands.

I didnt come to make any accusations, i just want everyone to accept he/she has a role to play in the romancing of our nation. I'll start with saying, "sorry my dears, we'll do better"[/color]

That is absolutely untrue. Few men do that. These are the sensitive ones with just one single wife to cater for. They know that if they dont take care of her, their whole world will become topsy turvy... so they do so. In other words there is always a selfish reason motivating them to show the concern and do something about it. A man with three wives isnt going to bother. His life would just go on as normally as possible. The slight inconvieniences would be that if she dies he has to sit for the makoki. That is all. If she is incapacitated, and the wife stays at home, in most cases, you find that the husband doesnt employ any nurse or some one with a professional qualification to look in on the health of his wife even on a weekly basis. If she has to have someone to stay with her, it is never an  arrangement whereby the husband ropes in a relative of his to look after her and lets say that it is even remunerated so that the relative doesnt feel like she is being used. What happens most of the time is that the parents of the woman, come in on their own accord and take over the situation, providing the necessary care throu a dependent relative and so on. In many cases if it is an incurable disease, the husband gives permission for the wife to move out of the home back to her parents house where she can be better taken care of. All this is HIS responsibility, but he reneges on it.

God Help the wife in a ka ce ma ciwon yoyon fitsari ne ya kamata ta. Some poor women with this condition have been known to prefer to remain in hospital rather than go back to their husband's houses. The wulakanci is simply too much.
Kai you Hausa men or Hausa Fulani men, you got nothing to say. Marriage to most of you is simply an unavoidable situation that is all. Amma if it were possible to avoid it.. it were better. :( :( :(
YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ROMANTIC BEHAVIOR AND U CAN HARDLY FULFILL THE MUNDANE DUTIES INCUMBENT UPON YOU... YOU CANT EVEN BE CALLED SENSIBLE WHICH I GUESS IS THE OPPOSITE OF BEING ROMANTIC.... YOUR SENSES JUST DESERT YOU SOMEWHERE ......

[bakangizo]

YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ROMANTIC BEHAVIOR AND U CAN HARDLY FULFILL THE MUNDANE DUTIES INCUMBENT UPON YOU... YOU CANT EVEN BE CALLED SENSIBLE WHICH I GUESS IS THE OPPOSITE OF BEING ROMANTIC.... YOUR SENSES JUST DESERT YOU SOMEWHERE ......

Easy. Easy. Problem din mata kenan da ake fadi. So now we are not even SENSIBLE? What are we then? Senseless? I think you've allowed your anger to prevent you from presenting reasonable argument. All you did so far is accuse, deny, accuse, condemn. Just tell us one single thing a woman does towards contributing to romance in the house.

[Ibro2g]

Gaskiya The anger here is unnecessary. I do understand ur dispair on many things that u have seen, but dont be too quick to judge the generality of hausa fulani men. The character of people mostly differ individualy and sometimes independently. There are good men, and there are bad men, likewise women. The character of a few terrible men doesnt make the generality a wicked gender. By God if all men were as u described then even mothers wont encourage thier daughters to get married. Because it'll be worse than imprisonment and/or slavery.

Many men do shy away from thier responsibilities, in as much as that many women do from thiers. Women are just more prune to complaints thats why we hear this here and there.

A man has to provide security protection and comfort for his family becos it is his RELIGIOUS duty to do so. There should be no gunaguni about that from the men. If the domestic financial situation were ideal, women would not go out to work. I am telling you, despite the fact that we like to be financially independent, I can assure you that given the ideal situation where by the husband provides for his wife adequately, sees to all her needs, doesnt crap about it, ba gori, and doesnt belittle her as a result of that (by making her feel like an almajira when she is entitled to be looked after by him), doesnt blackmail her with threats of divorce or additional kishiya simply becos he has the capability to add another woman, or becos the wife cant maintain herself in the way that he can maintain her, or that she would fall into financial difficulties if she leaves him....

...ahhh your point?

Well anyway, my arguement is simple. Regarding romance we all have a role to play. The moment we accept our shortcommings and embrace solutions the better we will be. Today, everyone is giving an effort to be romantic, but it wont help anyone if we do not accept our shortcommings in romance.
One thing is certain, we have learnt better romance than our fathers and our sons and daughters will know better if we let them.....


Safety and peace to u all

[HUSNAA]

YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ROMANTIC BEHAVIOR AND U CAN HARDLY FULFILL THE MUNDANE DUTIES INCUMBENT UPON YOU... YOU CANT EVEN BE CALLED SENSIBLE WHICH I GUESS IS THE OPPOSITE OF BEING ROMANTIC.... YOUR SENSES JUST DESERT YOU SOMEWHERE ......

Easy. Easy. Problem din mata kenan da ake fadi. So now we are not even SENSIBLE? What are we then? Senseless? I think you've allowed your anger to prevent you from presenting reasonable argument. All you did so far is accuse, deny, accuse, condemn. Just tell us one single thing a woman does towards contributing to romance in the house.

Easy for where? I am not angry, just frustrated. A sensible person is hardly a romantic person because he does everything that is required of him without a whit of imagination or initiative, but at least he fulfils those duties required of him as a husband. What I am saying is that not only are some men not romantic, but they dont even fulfil these basics and as such cant be regarded as sensible or being sensible to their obligations.
Kuma as for ibro saying that I am not talking about the generality of Hausa Fulani men, well I am. In general that is what Hausa Fulani men are: uncaring, selfish and insensitive. And believe me when i say that I write this in a calm and collected manner just as I wrote the above in a calm and collected manner.

Just tell us one single thing a woman does towards contributing to romance in the house.

When a woman cooks for her husband, she brings out her best crockery, tries to cook his favorite dish, makes a presentation of the dishes and dresses herself to look her best.. in her own way she is trying to be romantic, since that is one of the ways she knows, as red roses are not part of our culture. When she wears her best lingerie, she is trying to be romantic... come on... that extra effort that u put in to unexpectedly please yr partner is considered romantic and women are more conscious of trying to please the husband than the other way round, not least becos they know that they may not necessarily have a monopoly over the husband.

[bakangizo]

No. Deny it all you want, but what you posted is clearly in anger. 'Cos I can't for the life of me see the justification for calling us senseless (or whatever u mean by we are not sensible). Isn't that the whole point of this debate? I mean u do everything for a woman, and God help u if a litle quarrel starts. She calls u names, that is, apart from the standard 'me ka taba yi min?'. 

You accuse hausa-fulani of being insensitive and unromantic. How can he, when he did everything to bring you in, only for him to discover that apart from ingratitude of a typical hausa woman, she's lazy, most doesn't know how to cook anything appetizing, aside the normal tuwo da miya. Ga rashin iya kwalliya, sai daurin kirji, kai ba dankwali, gashi a hargitse?

So when a woman cooks and dresses herself, she's doing a hell of a lot. But when the man gives her everything, he did nothing right? It is only his "duty". Mata.

[HUSNAA]

You accuse hausa-fulani of being insensitive and unromantic. How can he, when he did everything to bring you in, only for him to discover that apart from ingratitude of a typical hausa woman, she's lazy, most doesn't know how to cook anything appetizing, aside the normal tuwo da miya. Ga rashin iya kwalliya, sai daurin kirji, kai ba dankwali, gashi a hargitse?

hahahahahaha.... BKG lallai baka da dama... Touche!  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D   Each to his own then...

[Ibro2g]

lol at both of u. Well since the swords are away, we can learn from this. Lets know what is expected of us, and in turn we can tell you what is expected of you. This way, reasonably and sensibly we can learn from each other....

Safety and peace be with u all

[waduz]

Wadansu abubuwan ai ba sai an fada ba. Most people believe that, a couple that is living peacefully, then it is the husband that is tolerant. A man married to two wives was taken to the Hospital very sick and was even unconcious throughout the first day. On the second day he regained consciousness and was barely awake. The two wives decided to tell him something and the senior one came closer to his ears and said, "maigida, bamu abinda zamu ci yau." The husband instantly went into comer again! ;D

[gogannaka]

Subhanallah.
What a blunder.

This shows an uncaring,selfish and insensitive character (just like Husnaa mentioned).

[EMTL]

The senior one came closer to his ears and said, "maigida, bamu abinda zamu ci yau." The husband instantly went into comer again! ;D

Assalamu alaikum,
Allah Sarki ta sumar dashi.............

[*~MuDa~*]

lol at both of u. Well since the swords are away, we can learn from this. Lets know what is expected of us, and in turn we can tell you what is expected of you. This way, reasonably and sensibly we can learn from each other....

...and romantically too..lol!

[HUSNAA]

Subhanallah.
What a blunder.

This shows an uncaring,selfish and insensitive character (just like Husnaa mentioned).

I think Waduz meant it the other way round.. insensitive uncaring wives hahahahahahaha

[*~MuDa~*]

kai Husnaa...lol very tactical, anyway am not too surprised, you are a woman...lol ;D