DO U AGREE OR DISAGREE

[ummita]

Do you agree or disagree on the below issue.

I know for a fact that some of you here are mummies, daddies, sons or daugthers......some of u are in their pre-teens, teenagers or adults but I would classify majority of these onliners in their twenties & ish...........who would someday become mummies & daddies to the next coming generation of kanoonliners. I just want to know your views & mayb leave it behind for yet to come next generation to hear what we think with regards to bringing up a child.

Northerners say the best way to train a child is to beat the child when he/she makes mistakes.
Westernised countries say the best way to treat a child is to talk to the child in a sense some sort of counselling.

I feel a little bit confused.........here. :-/
I would love to train not ma kids of course my sistas children in the best way.
(TARBIYA) is wat northeres say.....they say smackin a child is best way to give tarbiya..........Childs rights protectors disagree sayin no parent should beat a child becuase he has a right to do wrongful acts :-/ and no one is above mistake & because they are innocent and barely too young to reason!!! :-/

Keep smackin a child like a donkey that @ the end of the day he will get used to beating........keep makin mistakes you keep beating a child...........wat do you have a complete donkey!!!!

Or always be on the edge of counselling talking to a child coaxing & soothing him...........he turns out to be a complete  nuisance because all his parents ever do is talk to him!

But from my own fair reasoning (she laffs) I dont think beating a child is the right way to training.........I feel disgusted by it and I think its barbaric!! I am agaisnt it and I think it is the most evil way of bringing a child up.
On no circumstances and on no grounds will  I ever hit a child no matter wat crime he/she does ever commit xcept iden sunki yin sallah!!!! Bringing religion inside.....I hav not read or heard 'bout BEAT a child on every single wrongful act they commit........but hausa/ fulaniz they will even hit their own children because they refuse to eat! I think child beating should be demolished and abolised in northern countries because it is not the best but far off the worst method of training a child.
But on the other hand, What good does couselling do? ........because children of nowadays simply dont listen.

But still how far would some parents turn their own children into animals.........into donkeys........as if they never gave birth to them!

Talking to children, is it the best way to train & bring up a  child?
Beating!!!! is it the best way to bring up a child?
Onliners, you will all be mothers and fathers someday........what method would you use to bring up your child in training him to  have the best possible behaviour as his/her out come? On the other hand how did what technique did your parents use to raise you up & made you what you are today?

WHICH IS WHICH TALKING/COUSELLING OR BEATING KAWAI!!!

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[Ibro2g]

Ummiitah, Thank you especially...for bringing up this topic!

Kano onliners,
          Northerners view, westerner view... I'd say a little bit of both. Truefully, the right way of bringing up a child has nothing to do with the rod, its made up of teachings and corrections. The rod can never correct niether teach.Councelling is very important, too bad most northerners lack that skill. You should agree that the best way to convince man is to his/her heart. We should use morality, inspiration and words to bring up our kids just like the Holy Prophet (s.a.w) taught us.
          But it is also true that kids of nowadays are a lil bit different...They dont listen, because thats the way they were brought up. I believe its due to the immorality...the way the kid was brought up in the first place. It is generally believed and practised especially in Africa to beat a child to correction, but that is a temporary situation, the child learns to resist, and the heart turns bad. Preety soon he gets the strenght to hit back. We face so many of that case this days. If we sit back and teach our children to enforce them on what they have to do instead of making them understand what they have to do, we regret their attitudes in the future. Yet the best way to train a child remains to councell them, and when they get outta hand, scare em with th rod... before its too late!. But what parents have failed is to learn their children, know how they think and what they want...its the best way to correct him/her when they go wrong.
       I can remember when I do something bad, I'd pray to be beaten up than be "preached" upon . I hate it!. Take your time to know your kids people...its worth it.

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[Anwar]

Well I dont think counselling will ever work with some of our northern parents. I dont like thats idea of beating up a child. I believe counselling and preaching to a child is the best way to bring them up. What is the point of beating up a child. A father would simply beat a child up for not passing his exams, now what point does that acomplish? God has already had it that probably a child wont do well this exams :-/ to meye na duka.
I would go with Ummita, I dont think beating a child is the way to go about it. I believe talking is the best and a child can even open up to his parents.
Its like when a child does something wrong for the fear of getting beaten up by parents he would lie and deny the fact that he did something.
but if given a  chance to explain or to be told it aint right a child will learn two things
not to lie and not to do what he did wrong again. So
  

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[Hafsy_Lady]

I SAY ALL CHILDREN SHOULD BE FLOGGED, BEATEN OR SMACKED. YARAN YANZU BASU JIN MAGANA GA RASHIN KUNYA. NIDAI I WILL FOREVER BE READY TO BEAT UP MY KIDS IF THEY MESS ABOUT........KALAS!!!!!!

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[Anonymous]

ko addinin mu yace adake yaro idan yayi lefe. Westernised rules are only leading us astray. How could a child do something wrong and for correction, you should only talk to a child. Ummita as you said you will only beat up a child if he/she refuses to say their daily prayers then is it not training them to follow the rightoues path? Is it is treu then of course beating a child could be a proper measure to train a child. There are void and voidable issues in which a parent can beat a child. Smacking is best described. As its not like a parent should use all force or any dangerous item to whip a child. Two smacks could be enough, but I wonder how we the northerners do it :-/
Wires
sticks
metal objects
is what some parents use to beat their children and as ummita said of course they gave birth to them and they are no donkeys, but I think smacking is one of the fastest means to train a child

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[Ibro2g]

...and most unreliable too my friend.
Things are more than what they seem. Smacking... kids learn to endure, and it wont work anymore, then they physically make themselves JAKKAI.

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[Anonymous]

:oUmmita, if u like make u no beat ur pikin, so dat im no go be like de donkey wey u talk :-/
de way u dey talk, i swear e dey make me vex well well. but no problem u talk am say u no get pikin. by de time u get am if e come do one kine thing, i swear u no fit hold those ur hands wey u carry type dat thing. na den u go use give am one kind blow for im nyash like Tyson wen im want defeat hollyfield for boxing.
if de pikin sabi wayo im go hala u so tiye pple go think say na opc members dey persue u for lagos streets.
cheersssssssssss
my name is Eskimo
 

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[Anonymous]

I SAY ALL CHILDREN SHOULD BE FLOGGED, BEATEN OR SMACKED. YARAN YANZU BASU JIN MAGANA GA RASHIN KUNYA. NIDAI I WILL FOREVER BE READY TO BEAT UP MY KIDS IF THEY MESS ABOUT........KALAS!!!!!!

Kin burge ni wallahi yaran basa jin magana

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[lionger]

Obviously this is a cultural issue; westerners say its child abuse, nigerians call it discipline. I think it could be either depending on the circumstances.

Spanking definitely has its place, but I think it should be sanctioned by the level/nature of the child's offense. I mean, children should not be beaten for failing their exams, like someone mentioned here. And I think it should be a last resort; not for every flimsly misbehavior.

Secondlyly, I also think that the manner in which the spanking is done/ instruments used is very important also. This is what makes the ultimate difference between 'spanking' and plain abuse. I've seen some ppl using whatever their hands could find (belt, shoe, extension cord), or both hands and feet, to knock their children around. I think spanking should be focused on one part of the body, like the hand, butt or back, and it should not be overdone, i.e. bleeding, swelling is clearly unacceptable.

One of my western friends told me that africans spank their children as the easy way out. I think its true in some cases, but after observing some of these american/canadian children for a while, I think a good dose of our sadistic secondary school teachers is well in order. Lack of respect, blatant immorality, in some cases shooting up the place -  yea, i think a good 25 lashes on the bottocks should do them good lol. I dunno if I'll spank my kids; it depends on where i end up. If I settle in Nigeria, then yes. If in the West, then of course not. We have to be aware/accomodating of cultural differences.Plus there are many other ways of punishing children u know.

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[Waziri]

Interesting discussion,

True to god, must things we see and think are western cultures today are not in reality culture - culture here as a set of dogma that is believed to be the accepted ways of life. No, but ways of life that are a product of  research.

You look at the history of social relation in the West today, you will see how they in the beginning found themselves in the same mind-set that believes beating children to be the most sure way of carving out gentle-men. But then as a result of research in the fields of psychology and psychoanalysis they developed a way that seems neater in child-training.

Well, I don?t really know may be the Hausa should take what the white man says hook line sinker and stop beating his children or conduct his own research in the field of psychoanalysis hereby coming-up with a better way of handling children. Or continue in his antiquated ways of doing things further distancing him-self from the term progress in the areas of social relations.

There are indeed many things we can learn from the West. But then if we say they are always wrong then we must bring-forth an alternative to we think is right. Mark you, when we we say alternative, it does not just mean an alternativve -----we mean a better one.

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[Nas]

Well what can I say? Child beating, some parents take it to the limits! Child abuse in a way. There are many parents who beat their children not because they did wrong but simply because of the mere fact that they themselves (the parents) were frustrated, suffering from distress or emotionally traumatised then they will start over reacting on the children. I personally dont really think beating a child is the only means to train a child. There are so many ways to punish a child but not to beat. Akwai abubuwan da idan yaro yayi yaza ce yes! ya kamata a hukuntashi amman ba akan kananan abubuwa da basu kai sun kawo ba! Allah ya tarbiyar mana ya yaranmu ta hanyan addinin Islam (Amin)

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[Nas]

Nice post Meeta

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[Twinkle]

To me beating a child is just as spoiling him. How can a child confront his parents if he does wrong, when all they do is land on him like vultrons!! Beating is so ill and I consider it one of the sickening method to child upbringing. Puff! I wasnt broguth up that way yet I know I have a good behaviour to last me eternity. So please am all agaisnt this beating

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[MaAMaa_LagOS]

What do you to a child that's been crying and having tantrums for hours?

Give him a reason!!!!!!!

I for one won't hesitate to spank a child when the occassion calls for it.

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[lionger]

I for one won't hesitate to spank a child when the occassion calls for it.

i guess that's vintage 'mama lagos' attitude lol

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