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Make Me Laugh!

Started by bakangizo, May 04, 2005, 04:02:01 PM

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*~MuDa~*

#570
One day Raju's dad bought a robot, The robot was special in that it
could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Raju returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why
are you late from school?".

Raju answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Raju on his
face.

His dad told him son that his robot is special in that he can detect a
lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the
truth, "Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie", "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Splatt
Raju got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

"No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen." Shame on you son when I
was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Raju's mother comes walking out of the kitchen
saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you!", to which the robot
steps up and gives a resounding slap on Raju's mothers face."
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
www.articlesdir.co.cc

*~MuDa~*

Woman - Chemical Analysis
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

Element: Woman
Symbol: WO

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.


Occurence: Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered in a painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given proper treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly.
5) Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

Chemical Properties:
1) Possesses great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and other
precious metals.
2) Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left with a MALE.
4) Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in
alcohol.
5) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Uses:
1) Highly ornamental especially in sports cars.
2) Most poweful money-reducing agent known to man.
3) Can be a great aid in relaxation.

Tests:
1) Pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.

Caution:
1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2) Illegal to possess more than one except in certain areas.
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
www.articlesdir.co.cc

gogannaka

LOL kar ka bari Husnaa ta ga wannan joke din  ;D


James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier, and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn't wake up.

He awoke in the middle of the night to a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you," demanded James, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?" The mysterious man answered "This is not your bedroom, and my name is St. Peter".

James didn't take the news so well... "You mean I'm dead! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't even said goodbye to my family... you've got to send me back right away!"

St. Peter replied "You cannot go back as you were, you have passed away James. However, you can be reincarnated - but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." James was devastated, but knowing that there was a farm just down the road from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking at corn on the ground. "This ain't so bad," he thought until he felt a strange feeling churning inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, huh? How are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies James, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode". "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "haven't you ever laid an egg before?"

"Never" replies James.

"Well just relax and let it happen."

And so he did, and just a few uncomfortable seconds later an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him - emotions got the better of him as he experienced the joy motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!

The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shout "James, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you're sh*tting in bed!"
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

EMTL

Quote from: *~MuDa~* on March 25, 2008, 12:57:43 PM
Woman - Chemical Analysis
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

Element: Woman
Symbol: WO

.


Assalamu alaikum,
Goga this is interesting BUt what about Man's chemical analysis?
In the Affairs of People Fear Allah (SWT). In the Matters Relating to Allah (SWT) Do not be Afraid of Anybody. Ibn Katthab (RA).

Dan-Borno

muhahahahahahahaha
where was i when this jokes are cracked?
Muda baka da dama and u Goga, this story
can be a lesson to yan giya.
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

HUSNAA

Quote from: *~MuDa~* on March 25, 2008, 12:51:01 PM
One day Raju's dad bought a robot, The robot was special in that it
could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Raju returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why
are you late from school?".

Raju answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Raju on his
face.

His dad told him son that his robot is special in that he can detect a
lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the
truth, "Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie", "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Splatt
Raju got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

"No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen." Shame on you son when I
was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

splatt and slaps all round! that was funny.. wish there was such a robot..the world would be a more truthful place honestly ;D ;D ;D ;D
Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Raju's mother comes walking out of the kitchen
saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you!", to which the robot
steps up and gives a resounding slap on Raju's mothers face."

Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

HUSNAA

Quote from: gogannaka on March 26, 2008, 11:24:04 AM
LOL kar ka bari Husnaa ta ga wannan joke din  ;D


The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shout "James, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you're sh*tting in bed!"

yIKES!! iTS SUCH A REAL SCENARIO ggnk!!  ;D ;D

I saw Muda's joke.. its jaded.. seen it many times so doesnt arouse my fire... best bit of it was turns green next to a better specimen.. ;D ;D
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

waduz

Goga, Hahahahaha.....hehehehehehe....ai ni ca nake zaa zo da wuka ne a cafke shege a yanka! Amma dai kam ya tsula kashin giya a gado! This is part of the life of drinks and drunks! ;D

*~MuDa~*

Quote from: HUSNAA on March 26, 2008, 02:22:22 PM
I saw Muda's joke.. its jaded.. seen it many times so doesnt arouse my fire... best bit of it was turns green next to a better specimen.. ;D ;D

Because you are a woman right? LOL

...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
www.articlesdir.co.cc

ajingi

A flight from London to Kano develops faults in Nigerian airspace.
very worried the captain calls the Aminu Kano airport.
"Aminu kano airport this is captain smith reporting flight 007"
"Do you copy?"

Kano tower;- "yes Alhaji Smith we kofi"
British Airways "Flight 007 Reporting technical faults"

Kano tower;- "kai haba!"

British Airways; - "sorry tower couldnt get that"

Kano tower; - "okay phlight 00Seben kan you tune fawa in injin?"
British Airways; - "Negative power in engines dead"

Kano tower;- "Walahi?"

British Airways; - "Negative didnt copy"

Kano Tower;- "Kan you kom down to altitude twenty thousand pit?"

British Airways;- "negative tower, wings wont respond"

Kano tower;- "kai!"

British Airways;- "negative didnt copy that tower"

Kano Tower;- "okay d flane will kom down in som tym due to low injin fawa, ofun yo taya at altidute sis thousan fit, due 1st sebenty digri"

British Airways;- "Negative, cant activate the landing gear"

Kano tower;- 'wayyo!'
British Airways;- "awaiting order, flight 007"
Kano Towers;- "okay refit apfta me"

British Airways;- "okay what?"
Kano Tower;- "ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU ANNA
MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI!

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.

Dan-Borno

  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D
muhahahahahahahahahaha
Allah ya kiyaye Angon 2nd quarter
of the year.

This is one of the best joke in 2008.

Ina fatan akwai dan kwarya kwaryar
walima ranan auren? because i have
to crack this joke on that day.
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

gogannaka

Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

IBB

IHS

bakangizo

Quote from: ajingi on March 31, 2008, 03:52:51 PM
A flight from London to Kano develops faults in Nigerian airspace.
very worried the captain calls the Aminu Kano airport.
"Aminu kano airport this is captain smith reporting flight 007"
"Do you copy?"

Kano tower;- "yes Alhaji Smith we kofi"
British Airways "Flight 007 Reporting technical faults"

Kano tower;- "kai haba!"

British Airways; - "sorry tower couldnt get that"

Kano tower; - "okay phlight 00Seben kan you tune fawa in injin?"
British Airways; - "Negative power in engines dead"

Kano tower;- "Walahi?"

British Airways; - "Negative didnt copy"

Kano Tower;- "Kan you kom down to altitude twenty thousand pit?"

British Airways;- "negative tower, wings wont respond"

Kano tower;- "kai!"

British Airways;- "negative didnt copy that tower"

Kano Tower;- "okay d flane will kom down in som tym due to low injin fawa, ofun yo taya at altidute sis thousan fit, due 1st sebenty digri"

British Airways;- "Negative, cant activate the landing gear"

Kano tower;- 'wayyo!'
British Airways;- "awaiting order, flight 007"
Kano Towers;- "okay refit apfta me"

British Airways;- "okay what?"
Kano Tower;- "ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU ANNA
MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI!

;D ;D Surely a candidate for Joke of the year on this thread

*~MuDa~*

Quote from: ajingi on March 31, 2008, 03:52:51 PM
A flight from London to Kano develops faults in Nigerian airspace.
very worried the captain calls the Aminu Kano airport.
"Aminu kano airport this is captain smith reporting flight 007"
"Do you copy?"

Kano tower;- "yes Alhaji Smith we kofi"
British Airways "Flight 007 Reporting technical faults"

Kano tower;- "kai haba!"

British Airways; - "sorry tower couldnt get that"

Kano tower; - "okay phlight 00Seben kan you tune fawa in injin?"
British Airways; - "Negative power in engines dead"

Kano tower;- "Walahi?"

British Airways; - "Negative didnt copy"

Kano Tower;- "Kan you kom down to altitude twenty thousand pit?"

British Airways;- "negative tower, wings wont respond"

Kano tower;- "kai!"

British Airways;- "negative didnt copy that tower"

Kano Tower;- "okay d flane will kom down in som tym due to low injin fawa, ofun yo taya at altidute sis thousan fit, due 1st sebenty digri"

British Airways;- "Negative, cant activate the landing gear"

Kano tower;- 'wayyo!'
British Airways;- "awaiting order, flight 007"
Kano Towers;- "okay refit apfta me"

British Airways;- "okay what?"
Kano Tower;- "ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU ANNA
MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI!



Quote from: Dan-Borno on March 31, 2008, 04:09:01 PM
  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D
muhahahahahahahahahaha
Allah ya kiyaye Angon 2nd quarter
of the year.

This is one of the best joke in 2008.


Sorry to disappoint you ajingi and DB, but honestly,
this joke is like six years old, i cant believe you just know it today.
All the same it was one of my best then.
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
www.articlesdir.co.cc