Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 411630 times)

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Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #585 on: April 26, 2008, 03:05:56 PM »
Here's a good one i heard from my brother.
Ko ina suke jiyo irin wadannan labaran?



Wani mutum ne da babur din shi babu fitila da daddare sai
ya sami torch light (cocilan) ya rike da baki yana haska hanya.
Can yaya akayi dai sai aka daku, babur da mota har ta kai dai
dan babur ya suma.Babur yayi gefe daya, chocilan gefe daya,
mutumin ma gefe daya.
Mutane suka kawo agaji aka matsar da mutumin ana masa firfita.
Mutumin yana farfadowa sai ya ji babu cocilan a bakin shi, ai sai
ya kidime kira yake cocilan cocilan yana nuna bakin shi.

Ya dauka ya hadiye cocilan din ne.


NB cocilan din irin Tiger dinnan ce mai katon kai.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #586 on: April 27, 2008, 09:22:11 PM »
muhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha
kai Allah ya bar mana kanoonline.  infact this story
has seriously help in reducing the election stress.

Shege, in ya hadiya tocilan zai iya magana ne? hahaha
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #587 on: April 28, 2008, 09:56:35 AM »
Lol...ah toh!
« Last Edit: April 28, 2008, 10:12:28 AM by *~MuDa~* »
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Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #588 on: April 29, 2008, 12:05:00 PM »
There were four brilliant Medical students in their final year. They did so well on all their C.A, Tests and labs experiments, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident with the final exam approaching on Monday that the weekend before, they decided to go 'down town' (know warra mean? ;D) and party with some friends there.

They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to school until late Monday morning - the morning of their final exam, when the exam was well underway!

Rather than taking the final paper for the remaining few minutes then, they decided to find their professor, who happen to be their faculty's Exam Officer, after the exam and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to town to do some research in the state library archives for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they only just arrived now!

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could have a make-up final exam the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night - all night - and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.

He placed them in separate rooms/classes and handed each of them an exam booklet. He stated that the exam is to be 100 marks, and told them to begin.

Question 1 was for five marks. It was something simple about Human Anatomy. Cool, they all thought in their separate rooms, "this is going to be easy."

Each finished the first question sharp-sharp and then turned the page…

Question 2 for 95 marks: Which tyre?

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #589 on: April 29, 2008, 01:57:45 PM »
Ha ha wicked proffessor, haba does he have to go that far? The will all end up giving different answer...lol!

A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA, sent by their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face was practically touching the glass cover.

When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother's chest, which read:-

Dearest brothers and sistersI am sending you our mother's remains for burial in Lagos . Sorry I couldn't come along as the expenses were so high. You will find inside the coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of Libby's corned beef and12 cans of Luncheon meat, just divide them amongst yourselves.

On Mama's feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8 ) for Junior.

There are four pairs of Reeboks under Mama's head for Tunde's sons.

Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is for OMO, Roy and the rest are for my nephews. Mama is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bras (your favorite), just share them among yourselves.

The 2 dozen Victoria 's Secret panties that Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins. Mama is also wearing eight Dockers pants - Ikeje, please get one for yourself and the rest are for the boys. The Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get it. Aunty Ronke, Mama is wearing what you asked for - earrings, rings and a necklace; please take them also, the six pairs of Channel stockings that Mama is wearing must be divided among the teenage girls there. I hope they like the colours.

Please take care of finding a nice dress for Mama for her burial. (You may go to Orile or Yaba.)

Incase you need anything that I may have forgotten, please let me know as UNCLE IS NOT FEELING TOO WELL.  Your loving sister,

Nene
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #590 on: April 29, 2008, 02:04:26 PM »
Another one again...

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems." The American said, talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems. The Indian fainted...
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #591 on: May 01, 2008, 08:52:31 AM »
Wow, this is crazy
IHS

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #592 on: May 02, 2008, 12:31:48 PM »
THE NIGERIAN BUSINESSMAN
 
A Nigerian Igbo business tycoon was at a social gathering where other business monguls
and wealthy men were present.

The businessman looked for all ways to oppress the other rich men who
were present at the gathering. Just for that foolish reason, he sent for
his driver and had this conversation with him:

"Driver, go to my house, not the green one, the red one. Not the red one in
Ikoyi, the red one in Victoria Island. Not the one in Adeola Odeku, the one
on Etim Iyang Crescent. Not No. 22, but No. 11.

It is a black gate you will see, fling it open.

You will see a green Honda Civic. Perpendicularly, adjacently opposite to
the Civic is a blue Toyota Carina E. It is not that one. Trigonometrically,
geometrically, hypotenously 90 degrees to a Peugeout 306 is a Mazda 929.

It is not that one.

The Mazda is very close to a regular Benz, the regular Benz is behind a
406, the 406 is beside Volvo S40, which is in front of a Honda Accord
blocking a Toyota RAV4, opposite a Honda CRV. That makes a crescent to the
Prado Jeep.

On getting to the Prado Jeep, make a diagonal sharp turn to the left
extreme right top corner, on your way to where I parked the M-Class, very
close to the E-Class, in front of the Beast at the back of the swimming pool
is a lovely S. Type Jaguar.

Don't touch the bonnet. Go to the boot, fling it open.

You will see red, white and blue briefcases. The red one contains dollars,
10 million dollars. Don't touch it. The blue contains pounds, 8 million
pounds. Don't touch it. The white one contains Naira, 500s, 200s, 100s,
50s, 20s, 10s denominations. I arranged them in hierarchical order.
500 Naira in first layer, 200 Naira in second, 100 Naira 3rd layer, 50
Naira 4th layer, 20 Naira 5th and 10 Naira top floor.

Take one 10 Naira. Go and use it to buy pure water, and don't forget to
bring my change!! >:(

 

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #593 on: May 02, 2008, 02:48:48 PM »
Ha ha...very funny joke, i heard it a long time too, i really use to laff at it so much...Allah ya kauya lol!

Check this out...i call it Reverend Chris Okotie's English Lecture...crazzie...lol!

NORMAL PERSON: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Chris Okotie : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
Chris Okotie : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.


NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
Chris Okotie : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
Chris Okotie : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
Chris Okotie : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
Chris Okotie : Neophyte's serendipity.

NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
Chris Okotie : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
Chris Okotie : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
Chris Okotie : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
Chris Okotie : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
Chris Okotie : It is fruitless to become lach
« Last Edit: May 08, 2008, 10:02:01 AM by *~MuDa~* »
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #594 on: May 14, 2008, 02:13:31 AM »

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
Chris Okotie : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
Chris Okotie : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.



LOL...Nice one.


A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled.

With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #595 on: May 15, 2008, 05:45:21 PM »
That one quite clever GGNK...kai lawyers!
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Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #596 on: June 05, 2008, 10:49:47 AM »
A joke about two adjacent Scottish towns - Cumnock and Auchinleck-  who have many years of intense rivalry but you can use any two towns anywhere for the same joke.

Small Cumnock man  " Auchinleck - its only good for football players and whores"
Very large man  " Oi! My sister lives in Auchinleck"
Small Cumnock man  " Really? What position does she play?"
maigemu

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #597 on: June 05, 2008, 06:27:32 PM »
oh Dave! u are really the limit.. that was meant as a double entendre wasnt it? ;D
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #598 on: June 06, 2008, 01:13:37 AM »
Could be!
My favourite double entendre
A man went into a bar and asked the barmaid for a double entendre so she gave him one.
maigemu

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #599 on: June 08, 2008, 09:38:38 PM »
I don't get any of the jokes  ??? ???
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

 


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