Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 407795 times)

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Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #765 on: September 21, 2009, 08:59:37 PM »
Tashin hankali. Wanna ai shine hauka da nadi
IHS

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #766 on: September 25, 2009, 03:47:51 PM »
NA BY FORCE TO MARRY.........? I TIRE OHH!!!!!

 What a wonderful community wedding!!!!!
During a wedding reception; the groom was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with:
1. I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings.

2. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car.
3. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for my wedding suit.
4. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf.
5. Also to my brother's wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown and to my sister for lending her shoes to my wife.

6. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed without cutting or eating out of it.                             7. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all. Please for those who were served food good luck and for Those who didn't get any, well we will make it up to you during our child dedication ( hopefully next year).

8. Very big thanks to my parents for bringing the village cultural band to supply the music as well as entertain us all here, today.
9. Not forgetting the church marriage committee, thank you for persuading my wife to marry me.                              10. Appreciation to the married men in the church for rushing me into this marriage.
11. The women are not left out, thanks a lot for teaching my wife how to cook and dance.
12. To the youths, thank you for sweeping and decorating this venue with palm fronds.
13. I am also grateful to my teenage friends for helping with the Zobo drinks.

14. Appreciation to my co-tenants for contributing money for the cameraman.
15. Well, I wish you all safe journey and I pray you don't experience what I suffered for this wedding.
 Thank you
 
              NA BY FORCE TO MARRY!!!!!?
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #767 on: September 25, 2009, 06:43:51 PM »
Tashin sence, wannan ai shine beran masallaci
IHS

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #768 on: September 26, 2009, 03:47:45 PM »
The most important thing dai ai yayi auren.

Offline David_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #769 on: November 27, 2009, 12:10:48 PM »
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had
> given their new wives duties.
>
> Terry had married a woman from USA and bragged that he had told his wife
> she needed to do all the dishes and housework.
> He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came
> home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
>
> Jimmie had married a woman from France . He bragged that he had given
> his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
> cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but
> the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the
> dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
>
> The third man had married a Scottish girl. He boasted that he told her
> that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry
> and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on
> the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything,
> the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the
> swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye,
> just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and hang
> out a load of washing
>
>
> God Bless Scottish Women........

Offline David_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #770 on: December 02, 2009, 05:33:15 PM »
Peter Kay One Liners

 1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' printed on it.
 I said 'Thyroid problem?'

 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
 realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him
 to forgive me.

 3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
 swimming.
 
 4) A cement mixer collided with a prison van.
 Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

 5)  I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But
 one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my
 bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked!
From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

 6) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why
 he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

 7) I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbour
 said 'Are you going to help?'
 I said 'No, six should be enough.'

  8) You know that look women get when they want to have sex? No, me neither

 9) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things
 they don't understand, such as working for a living.

 10) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
 I've forgotten this before

 PETER KAY'S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

 1) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

2) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
 
 3) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
 
 4) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
 first given opportunity.

 5) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

  6) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in
 a fruit salad.

 SOME GREAT QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PETER KAY


 1) Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

 2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the
 core of the earth?

 3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?

 5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
 stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?

  6) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 7) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
 squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

 8) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
 point to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

 9) What do you call male ballerinas?

 10) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 11) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
 stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet
 paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.


Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #771 on: December 18, 2009, 06:17:48 PM »
LOl Scottish women are no-nosense huh? I like the bike stealing joke, since God forgive- rather steal and ask....... is it?
IHS

Offline maikyau

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #772 on: January 05, 2010, 11:49:04 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
Haba Danborno meye na ihu don an ce ka debo goruba i believed zaka iya cinyewa wit out much prob.afterall duk tsamin yakuwa kana iya dibanta.

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #773 on: January 05, 2010, 04:56:30 PM »
;D ;D ;D ;D
Haba Danborno meye na ihu don an ce ka debo goruba i believed zaka iya cinyewa wit out much prob.afterall duk tsamin yakuwa kana iya dibanta.

 ;D ;D ;D

Kai mallam. Lallai da alama ka san sirrin mutumin! 2-0 kenan.


 

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #774 on: January 05, 2010, 05:10:21 PM »
hahaha,
BKGZ kai ne referee kenan.
An je hutun rabin lokaci.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #775 on: January 05, 2010, 08:17:07 PM »
NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and
engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but
her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the 
following:

         'Emma come first.
         Den I come.
         Den two asses come together.
         I come once-a-more!
         Two asses, they come together again.
         I come again and pee twice.
         Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this any  more,

'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig!' she retorted
indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in


Public places about our sex  lives!'

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin'
abouta sex?  I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell

 

' Mississippi .'


"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #776 on: January 06, 2010, 05:12:46 PM »
Yawwa.  The lady must have a corrupt mind. ;D

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #777 on: January 08, 2010, 11:23:02 PM »
The lady must have a corrupt mind, ko kuma 'yan iskan birni sun hadu ba!
IHS

Offline David_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #778 on: January 09, 2010, 01:45:05 AM »
Fat girl to slim good looking friend
" Guys very often like to go to bed with a woman with a bit of meat on their bones"
Slim friend (mockingly)
" And who told you that? Your boyfriend?"
Fat Girl replies 
"No. YOUR boyfriend!"

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #779 on: January 11, 2010, 01:51:52 AM »
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had
> given their new wives duties.
>
> Terry had married a woman from USA and bragged that he had told his wife
> she needed to do all the dishes and housework.
> He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came
> home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
>
> Jimmie had married a woman from France . He bragged that he had given
> his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
> cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but
> the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the
> dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
>
> The third man had married a Scottish girl. He boasted that he told her
> that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry
> and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on
> the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything,
> the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the
> swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye,
> just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and hang
> out a load of washing

>
>
> God Bless Scottish Women........

That was very funny!! God Bless Kick ass Women!!
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

 


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