Men vs Divorce, (nasakeki sau 3, their pride!!)

[nura]

FDQ there is no proof that Islam prefers monogamy and I think you are aware that for every Aya in the Holy Qur'an there is an interpretation i.e, Tafsir apart from Translation, for instance my Tafsir Teacher told me that the word amma, i.e, ainun and mim in the surah Naba'i has over 20 interpretations/tafseer.

The full translation of aya 129 of Surah Nisa'i as quoted by you in your follow up:

"And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful."

this went on to show that Islam is not against polygamy.

Please be very careful as a worshipper you can not dictate how to worship and remember that Islam is not just a religion, it is a way of LIFE. As a muslim you Culture, Tradition, Tribe and Race are supposed to be ISLAM. Therefore if the Holy Prophet (SAW) allowed his Sahaba (RA) to marry more than one but less than four wives then it is desirable to marry more than one wife. May the Almighty Allah guide us to be good Muslims. Amin.

[nura]

Sorry let me add this for your information check this site: http://www.efatwa.com/,  click on Categories and then marriage and click on polygamy.

[Blaqueen]

*ahem* Islam SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO prefers monogamy...
i didnt say it's AGAINST...we all agree, it PERMITS... ?AND a man BETTER has good reasons to marry a second wife... not jus to show off and represent power and pride...

[ummita]

Ok lets look @ it this way... sumtym its not shorties fault.

The women theirselves du things with the intention of gettin a divorce.

How about those so-called freinds that will influence a lady, persuade, induce,incite or procur a freind without lawful justification 2 leave & remain apart from her man....leavin behind her matrimonial grounds?!!!!!

Habouring is soooooooooooo popular among AREWANZ women givin shelter 2 an arrant wife.

I mean those type of gurls who were looserz from day 1 & wud like 2 have their freind in d same situation..... they wud du their outmost su taye ta fita dega gidan mijinta!!!!. So a man will start seein diff changes & then kaboom.........she will speak out "Ni kasekeni". So divorce is not subjected 2 man alone, but the woman as well (Anani)? :-/

[nura]

FDQ let me have backups where the Holy Prophet (SAW) or the Almighty Allah (SWT) says monogamy is preferred. I come from a polygamous family and for the last seven years I have only one wife and guess what? I have no plan to marry an additional wife. I believe that my wife has to give me an excuse to bring somebody in and so far she has not, in fact she is closing the doors and fortifying fortresses to detar me and interested parties. How is she doing that you may guess?
By being good, proactive, honest, responsible and superbly civil. I believe most men marry additional wives to take care of some short-comings they noticed from their wives and my best advice to women who want to make their husbands monogamous is to read their husbands and find out their likes, dislikes, etc and work on them and mark you I dont mean that they should allow themselves to be used or let their rights be abused. My wife fights me everyday and everytime I tried tresspassing her rights.
I think all muslims should just respect the Islamic provisions for marriages etc.

[Blaqueen]

.. ofcourse, we should respect it.. but not take advantage of it... ko da yake.. kowa da laifin sa.. and mai Allah help those with gaskiya... and may He forgive the ones with layfi....... can i get an AMEN?!

newayzz... MOST of the time... its the man's fault.. amma, wallahi harda matan...
some women marry the men because they either have fame or money...
plus many of these ladies point their own destiny... i still dont understand HOW on earth a lady can actually carry herself go to a man's house who is known for divorcing wives like a sport... :-/
so wataran, su suke jawo wa kan su....

[Anonymous]

As far as Muslims r concerned, polygamy is permitted by Islam but d ryt shud b xcercised uder xceptional circumstances. Although Islam permits a plurality of wives, not xcideeing 4, it is only on condition of strcit equality of treatment among them:
The Quran says:

IF U FEAR U WILL NOT B ABLE 2 DEAL JUSTLY WITH THEM, THEN MARRY ONLY ONE. (4:4)

Soooooooo................my point is....

[Anonymous]

Nice post ya all, but pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase STOP painting kanawa BLACK!! Iam sure wat u heard ain't True, haba!! These days no body goes 4 second wifey.. wat 4?!!!

[Blaqueen]

maaaaaaaan... kameel a thousand blessings on u!!! and may Allah continue to bless u till da day of judgement! all da sistaz say AMEN!....

[nura]

FDQ take 'am easy! is just Kameel speaking not everybody, and nobody knows where she will be happy may be as a fourth wife somewhere.

[Anonymous]

As far as Muslims r concerned, polygamy is permitted by Islam but d ryt shud b xcercised uder xceptional circumstances. Although Islam permits a plurality of wives, not xcideeing 4, it is only on condition of strcit equality of treatment among them:
The Quran says:

IF U FEAR U WILL NOT B ABLE 2 DEAL JUSTLY WITH THEM, THEN MARRY ONLY ONE. (4:4)

Soooooooo................my point is....

& polygamy is never something that would be fairy practised amongst hausa men to their wifes. There will never be a fair treatment.

Divorce is something that I dont think will stop. But to mention that it is increasing day by day. What good does a man do, by casting upon to miseries, two agonies on one woman? First she has been divorced, few men will be willign to marry her. As I heart men these day dont like marrying zawarawa(I dont know whether its true or not) Now burdens of no husband & sadness of breaking up with her husband. Where are our mallams? Where are the great preachers? Or havent these mallams preached to men that divorce is not the solution in marriage life?

[nura]

& polygamy is never something that would be fairy practised amongst hausa men to their wifes. There will never be a fair treatment.

Divorce is something that I dont think will stop. But to mention that it is increasing day by day. What good does a man do, by casting upon to miseries, two agonies on one woman? First she has been divorced, few men will be willign to marry her. As I heart men these day dont like marrying zawarawa(I dont know whether its true or not) Now burdens of no husband & sadness of breaking up with her husband. Where are our mallams? Where are the great preachers? Or havent these mallams preached to men that divorce is not the solution in marriage life?

Equal treatment is between God and the husband. Polygamy is permitted period!!!!!! It is the prerogative of the practiser to ensure equal treatment and if he doesnt then it is between him and his Creator!!!!!!!!

[Hafsy_Lady]

INNA LILLAHI WA INNA ILAHIN RAJIUN. Yanzu dai in total 6 divorce stories happened in Kano all in JANUARY except one that happened in Kaduna last yr. Don Allah men help me quantify, what is it really the problem. Ai wannan hauka ne, kuma abun Allah ya sawake!!! Maza su dai zama auri na saki. What is reallllllllllllllly the problem? Ehen? DUk responses din mazan nan,wallahi ba wanda da tabada kwakkwaran bayani. I am lost in tunani :-/ Haka kawai bazan so nayi auri ba tun kafin nakia na da su alkaki na guzurin gidan mijina ya kare..jama'a suje an koro ni! Sam bazai yiwuba. Don haka maza wallahi kuyi hankali don zaku iya sa kanku cikin halakar ubangiji da koma rashin mace. Don ba yariyer da zata yadda ta auri na miji mai policy din just get pregnant produce one or two offsprings and you are out! Next person!! This is insane, why auri na saki? Why are these men victimising women like that????????

[Ihsan]

Bari dai 'yar uwa!! wallahi wannan abu yana ci man tuwo a kwarya!!!  wai maza su rika sake mata kamar suna sake riga!!! An san dai divorce Allah ya halal ta shi...but at the same time it's the thing He most hate...I heard way everytime aka yi saki wai Al arsh yayi girgiza  :-/ plz someone help me out here...

[Dan-Borno]

Well done Ummita for starting a thread which is almost
a problem to every house, especially here in the northern
part of Nigeria.

While we should always be respecting the Qur'anic verses,
we must NEVER attribute divorce to polygamy (not because
I am a practitioner) but because the whole of Qur'anic
injunctions lead to a better life  - kulluha hudan linnasi.

It is a matter of concern, if i could remember, the day I
came back home from office with that full stress and met
my younger sister breast feeding, smiled to her and took
the baby trying to put a smile on his face.  When I ask
what brought her, she broke into tears that her husband
divorced her.  Immediately i dropped her baby and retire
into my inner room.  Abin babu dadi, it is either you or
someone you dearly know.  It took me nothing less than
72 hours of contstant negotiation, mediation and arbitration
before I could finally convince both parties that they were
meant to stay together till the end of time (2 pac)

This thread is intended to at least asnwer Ummita's long posed
question of what is really the problems and how could it be
averted.  It is not a matter of dan-kano or bakatsine or balarabe,
its all about how we understand relationship at most.

Either marriage or ordinary relationship with anyone, it requires
(1) Sincerity (2) Love for the sake of Allah (3) Patience.  WIthout
the above three, whichever relationship is built, will not see the
light of the day.

While men are saddled with the responsibility of taking care of their
wives, they should try as much as possible to be sincere in their
day to day life, while having it in mind that he loves his wife for the
sake of Allah only and he should also persevere in what ever evil
calamity will befall them in their relationship - (that is when the
word for better for worse was adopted), its all about patience.

This also applies to the woman, the three tenents plays a role in
panel beating their marriage life and making it more stronger and
waxer. 

Where the problem usually comes is when we build our marriage
relationship based on worldly things alone; beauty, money and
sweet talks.  Once any of these is absent, then the consequences
usually is separation.

The point i am trying to make is that, the happiness to a marriage
life is both in the hands of the couples, while the man carries along
more percentage than the woman, as we refer to them as weaker
sex.

The manner in which men divorce their wives is absolutely irresponsibility
and without any teaching from Islam.  Islam permits divorce, when
all possible means of settling issues is being exhausted by the couples
and their waliys (guardian).  However, its different here, we first of
all divorce, then later start regretting why why why why.

In a woman's thinking, when she demands for a divorce from a man, she
is portraying her bravery, while the man also shows his bravity by
pronouncing the word - at last the woman will break in tears ' wayyo
Allah na shiga uku, ka fallashe ni", while the man also start inner
weeping while she is away, turning from one side of his mattress to the
other adventuring for sleep to take him - alas no way.

Our society (before) never minds counselling married couples, this pave
way to unwanted divorce all over the place.  But thanks to the modern
world, an fara wayewa sosai.

The string of marriage is with the woman, only when she gave it to the
man that he has the ability to break it.  So its good for her to hide the
string in a place where it will not be found easily.

If you are married man, how will you feel when your daughter with two
children is divorced?

What about raising children far away from their mother's love?  It is
either we address this issue or it becomes a cancer in our society.

Its on and on, let me allow other members to contribute.