Men vs Divorce, (nasakeki sau 3, their pride!!)

[ummita]

Men of nowadays simply kick their wifes who have been with them in sickness & in health through good and hard times with half a genuine reason to back-up for their actions.....

Diovrces fluactuates seriously in AREWA rising in its peak is in Kano...so I heard.....


Men divorce women these dayz on grounds that does not imply in sharia law or even family law.

From my own point of view, factors that r most likely to  lead to seperation shud stand or can I say can only stand on these grounds:

-Young marriages under stress
-Money & other worries
-Stressful jobs/cant support family
-Two timing Husbands or wifes either way committing adultery
-Desertion: Husband or wife abandoning one party
 for at least 2-5yrs.

But failingly, men of nowadays dont put these into consideration, they dont even get it. They divorce women  simply on arguments, misunderstanding,misconduct,
misbehaviour & because a new bride is stepping in & he has the pride.

.........where as they can both settle their disputes without maigida ruling out that word "nasakeki saki uku"

"Would any right thinking husband come to the conclusion that his wife has behaved in such a way that he cannot reasonably sort things out & live with her, taking into account the whole circumstances,characters & personalities of his wife"? Then who is he 2 Jugde out rules not giving it a go... on resolving issue?!!!

I know of certain, even in sharia Law divorce is not granted unless a genuine reason & fact is brought forward.

In family law/English law is not granted without a proof on any one of their five facts

If this is at all true then y quick punishment is to divorce her? A man divorced his wife simply because she couldnt cook!!!!!!!
And I never did hear divorce her on the fact that is she cannot cook u meals!!! Men in your women thinking is that fair?

Why marry someone that at the end of the day you can not train her or correct her but go off divorvcing her. If am not wrong another principle of marriage is seeing how very much of a good teacher the husby might turn out to be!!

Women do you think Family law shud be reformed? Or can we negociate,compromise,learn to be disciplined with our husband.

For women who seek divorce for no good reason....angels swear upon her till the day she dies......(SO I HEARD)

My queastions standz out.. How can we minimise the cost of marraige breakdowns in our society?

[nura]

Abin mamaki irin wannan important topic and nobody is replying, it is suprising.

I think divorce in Hausaland is caused by the following:

1. Lack of love
2. Ignorance
3. Dishonesty


1. Lack of Love

A lot of marriages in Hausaland are not founded on love and hence this produces lack of respect between Husband and wife and most men dont take that easy.

2. Ignorance

Religious Ignorance not illitracy. A lot of our people men and women know nothing about Marriage in Islam they therefore abuse each others right when they found themselves together in marriage.

3. Dishonesty

When a marriage is founded upon dishonesty it is definitely bound to break down. Dishonesty mostly starts from courtship when the man or the woman lies or overstate his/her status or even behaviour/character.

[Gimbiya]

ni kuma really ina ganin cewa takama ce. what I mean is that most of the time, the husbands think cewa sun isa. kuma by doing that they destroy the wife life. Most of them don't consider a contract of marriage of being anything, and some them don't even follow that the Quran said about them divorcing their wives. for example according to surah Talaq(Divorce) it says that

O Prophet! When ye do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately), their prescribed
periods: And fear Allah your Lord: and turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are
guilty of some open lewdness, those are limits set by Allah. and any who transgresses the limits of Allah, does verily wrong his
(own) soul: thou knowest not if perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation.

one should think that since we back up most of our behavious with the holy quran we shuld know that God detest divorce, we heard it over and over again.

[Aydee Fella]

Abumujahid ainun abun da  ka fadi gaskiya kuma na yarda da hakan,amma ni i think the major cause is that of ignorance.
                             MaAssalam

[Blaqueen]

MARRIAGE FOR THE WRONG REASONS!!!!!!...
greed, lust, and come whut may..... ofcourse there wont be any al-barka... and people with rashin imani...

and also...women are always remind of "their duty" to their husbands... aallll the tafsirs, wa'azi, etc... from our mallams.. its always "how the woman should be"... but u hardly hear about how "men should be"...
amma, maza suna da al-haqi sosai, idan ba su shiga hankalin su ba...

[Anonymous]

My one and only ummita! Very true what you have said. On my own part I willg o with what Gimbiya said.

I heard this guy divorced his wife, & she cudnt care less, so he went on sayi oho! na dai gama dake bazawara :o These men alaso boost about divorce, immediately she steps d wrong path, he will be responding by zan sake ki. So its all about pride. Divorce is becoming a fashion to men these dayz.

If they hang out to while away their leaisure hours they will start discussing who & who is being or is to divorced and then praisin the man who divorced his chick! Men!!!1

[nura]

Halfsa I cant believe men will be that stupid to say that sun gama da matar su, why did they marry her in the first place to "gama da ita" and make her bazawara?

It's like I said any man that'll say that is stupid and married for the wrong reason not for what the Almighty Allah said and not for why the Holy Prophet(SAW) asked us to marry. I-G-N-O-R-A-N-C-E is what is disturbing our people. Alot of men do not know the right of the wife and the point at which they start abusing the wives. Although most women are not well learned too but it is the duty of the husband to give them knowledge both religious and non-religious. But in our land the men know not how will the women know then? It is a pathetic situation we have to change as a people or we are doomed. The number of divorcees in N.Nigeria (esp. Kano) is twice as much as virgins (budurwas). Lets be architects of change, lets tell all we know through articles, discussions (like this forum) etc.

Hafeez

[nura]

Halfsa this is too much to comprehend, except the person married for all the wrong reasons i.e. to "gama wa da ita" and make her bazawara. It all boils down to ignorance, people are just praying and believing that they will enter paradise while religion is also mu'amalat, i.e. how you live with other people. Alot of us abuse our wive's rights due to ignorance and ignorance is not an excuse.

Many Northerners/muslims do not know that their wives have certain rights over them, they just assume that they should take all nonsense. Although most of the women are also not very well thought in both religious and other knowledge I do not think is their faults since the men whose duty it is to teach them are ignoramus(es) themselves. Lets spread knowledge through articles, lectures, discussions forums, etc. No matter how little we know lets share it. Lets initiate a change, right now there are more divorcees than virgins (budurwas) among our people. Thanks Ummita and May the Almighty Allah bless you for starting this topic.

[Twinkle]

Hey i know this topic is just in general but just 2 ask cos i heard dat this "SAKI" word and process is more common to da kanawa men, is this true?, cos now a days, a lot of women ar afriad 2 marry a bakano. So even when she is getting married, when her families ask, "migin dan ina ne?" immedaitely when they say "dankano ne",  u would see this scary look on the questioner's face :o. So why is it common to the Kanawa's, is it all about how rich they are?  ::)or wat???
Somebody just help give me a lil reason

[Blaqueen]

hmm.. AbuMujahid... u havent heard about the man who wanted to get a second wife.. cuz... "jikin mata na ya sake"... *hiss.. wallah, men better becareful

yup beebat.. kano men are usually stereotyped wit this...

also.. blame the man's friends!!!! laydeez make sure ur man has good friends and make sure he doesnt do everything they tell him...
once a man is promoted.. meaning more dough.. his friends are most likely to say "haba, ka qara mata daya"... "ya kamata ka yi aure"
so, the new amarya will get all the goods the man and his first wife struggled to gain

[nura]

Kano, Kano dai kai dan Kano ya shiga uku!!!!!!!!!!!!I think we dont have to trivialise issues here. All generalisations are wrong. The number of people that respect the institution of marriage in Kano is a lot more than in several places. I know several people who are not educated and have been with only one wife. You have to agree with me wether you are man or woman that marriage failures are more to od with the individual (Man or Woman) than with the culture or practice of the people.

Man is polygamous and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala has permitted man to marry more than one wife and unfortunately our women especially modern/westernised ones do not want to accept that!

I seriously believe that more than 50% of polygamous husbands married the second wife to complement some percieved lack in the first. Please dont take me as a chavinist or something I just want you to know that since not all women are the same, all men cannot be the same either.

[Anonymous]

Nah, Mujaheed, 2 me it has nutin 2 du with modernisation or being westernised!!!

Truss me, (SUPPOSING) my man wants 2 marry in another chick, believe me,.....she is highly welcome 2 Join in as a family, aslong as we r both goin to b respected by d breadwinner 'n' my second mates goin 2 keep things goin well.

D reason she married my man, is the same reason I married him, so y shud I b selfish 'n' not let her in. Hey!!! b it 4 wives, they r all welcome. So 2
2 me, marriage in in vague now!!! Men divorce women by things da bai kai ya kawa ba!

[ummita]

Divorce is a weapon a man shield himself from public embarassment, so that ppl will keep his reputation goin.

Women will leave a marriage if its unbearable, whereas a men will split if they get a gud OFFER

The questioin that has neva been answered & which I have not yet been able to ansa... despite my 76yrs ;) of research in masculine soul, is WHAT DOES A MAN REALLY WANT TO KEEP HIS MATRIMONIAL GROUNDS &  KNOWING HIS LIMITS & BEING RESPONSBILE FOR IT?!!!!!!!!!!!

[Blaqueen]

..mhmm.. my father came from a monogamous home... my momma is the only wife... and so it will carry on... insha Allah ;D...
sorry... but i cant see meeh with a 2nd wife.. talk less of 3rd and *shudder* 4th... hmmm... and i can never ever even look the way of a man wit' a wife...
this is one thing i dont understand about females who actually give married men attention... juss my opy oh!...

newayzz...tru Islam permitted polygamy... but too many men are takin' that for granted and are MISTREATIN' their wives and children...

"... then marry such women as may seem good to you, two, three or four. If you feel that you will not act justly, then one." (Qur?an 4:3)

CLEARLY!!!! Islam prefers MONO!!!

"You will never manage to deal equitably with women no matter how hard you try" (Qur'an 4:129).

"When you divorce women and they fulfill their terms (three menstruation periods) either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; But do not take them back to injure them or take undue advantage, If anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat God?s signs as a jest." (Qur?an 2:231)

Salam!

[Blaqueen]

Try as you may, you cannot treat all your wives impartially.  Do not set yourself altogether against any of them, leaving her, as it were, in suspense.  If you do what is right and guard yourselves against evil, you will find God forgiving and merciful.  If they separate, God will compensate both out of His own abundance: God is munificent and wise.The Holy Qur'an, Surah Women, Verses 129 & 130.