Author Topic: If I had My Way...  (Read 128036 times)

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Offline HUSNAA

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #30 on: January 16, 2008, 11:56:31 AM »
LOL @ muhsin and his aunty.

Wata gara da aka bani labari wai buhun shinkafa 100, masara 100, mai 25ltrs X25 (both palm and g/nut), maggi 5 cartons, salt 25 bags, macaroni and spaghetti 25 cartons each.
Kishin kishin ma wai har da Honda EOD's guda biyu.

Kai wannan abu yayi yawa. Na san DB wouldn't mind  ;D

To aika ga irin ta. Anyi don a fada, kuma gashi nan fadar akeyi. An maida abin abin alfahari. Anuna wai yar gidan wane ce. ita kuma tai ta tun kaho ai garar ta is one in town. That is the sort of thing that is not good. Bayan haka kuma if the man get other wife, how is that supposed to  make her feel? Anyway... Allah Ya Kyauta. Everything in moderation is better.
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Muhsin

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #31 on: January 16, 2008, 12:38:02 PM »
LOL @ muhsin and his aunty.

Don't you imagine how I come to knowing the negative effect of gara in our community at my age? Thats a real life experience.

A very poor family girl at our neigbour, who was like a good sister to me was married some few months ago. The dowry given by the husband was N20,000. She was extremely exuberant with the amount. Thus she started saying that she would buy this and that to decorate her room more.

Eventually, she was taken to Katsina. And as the custom there, a bride is taken to her house along with her gara. And more eventually, her parent at that very moment didn't have much money for that, saboda kunsan biki. Ta dole sai da aka karbi N15,000 out from her dowry, which, remember, the bride is entiled to, and bought that gara.

When I paid visit to my sister who is also married in Katsina a week after that girl's wedding. She asked me to talked to her elder brother about the money they collected, saying she's in need of them. Ita kanta bata san cewa wa'annan kudi anyi amfani da su wajen siyar mata gara. They just told her to handle the money for the meantime ta gama rurumar biki. She even didn't know I know about the issue. So sai ta gaya min a rufe. I remained mute and almost curse whoever introduce that thing in our society.

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Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #32 on: January 16, 2008, 01:20:38 PM »
I am forced to understand that all those advocating for the
abolishing of 'gara' are doing it on selfish motive.  I imagine
giving out my two beautiful daughters without giving them
as much gara as i could grap out of my pocket, what is the
essense of my money. 

We have to remember that even the food we eat differ from
house to house, so also all modes of life, you dont expect
Mr. A's gara to be the same as Mr. B's gara and it is not
something that is compulsory, but to me, if i have money
it is compulsory to me to make my daughter proud and happy
in her home by giving her all the goodies including the rumoured
EOD Honda - meye kirtanku ne, duk Muda ne ya fara wannan
maganan garan.  Allah ya kaimu rannan aurenka, I will tell
your inlaws to retain all the gara, haka zamu kaita let her
sleep on that your old (outaded VONO Mattress) ;D

I am surprised at Husnaa's replies also, ko dai a chan turai kika
yi aure ne, if not, you are supposed to have enjoyed gara very
well.

I see wisdom in gara.

Yes GGNK you spoke my mind.
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline Muhsin

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #33 on: January 16, 2008, 01:47:03 PM »
I am forced to understand that all those advocating for the
abolishing of 'gara' are doing it on selfish motive.  I imagine
giving out my two beautiful daughters without giving them
as much gara as i could grap out of my pocket, what is the
essense of my money. 

Gata kan gata; ko su waye such succesful husbands?

Dan Barno, the reason behind our, or particularly my hatred toward gara is not completly base on self interest. Am wholeheartedly sure fathers like you, who could do such a strong vow to do gara for there daughters are extremely few. In these day, how parent manage with the skin of their teeth a tattara a kai yarinya dakin mijinta?

But, let me come down and say; I don't know your custom there. As we are told, you very tight strict to tradition. Wai bride-groom must do a number of trosseou, i.e kayan lefe. One for the girl, another her mother and even her grand mother. If thats true...then there is nothing astonishing at your words.

DB, read what I have said before your reply. Wallahi it happened. If gara can create and impose such a difficulty for parents, don't you reckon scrapping it would be better?

Muhsin

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Offline gogannaka

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #34 on: January 16, 2008, 02:25:22 PM »
Db ka birge ni wallahi.
The fact is that don't do what is beyond your power just to show off.
Ai ba kayan gara bane kawai, akwai kayan zance,kayan lefe, kayan sa rana.
It's like we are so materialistic ne.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #35 on: January 16, 2008, 04:22:16 PM »
Db ka birge ni wallahi.
The fact is that don't do what is beyond your power just to show off.
Ai ba kayan gara bane kawai, akwai kayan zance,kayan lefe, kayan sa rana.
It's like we are so materialistic ne.

We are very materialistic. We do everything to show the world that mun isa. Kabaa'ir. That is the word. Anyway, I am not surprised at DB's words, mutan Borno an san su da jin kai da takama. Saboda haka, anything to show that they ARE, they will do. Its like Muhsin said, takurawa iyaye ne. Kuma bayan haka its not a question of kayi iya karfin ka, no, there is a standard where by one must meet, kuma har kirga wa ake yi how many buhus of food u were taken with, just like GGNK mentioned above. Bayan haka ma, ai abincin gets shared out amongst dangin mijin ba wai barma matar ake yi 100%. Dangin miji da su ka bi suke addabbar matar dan uwan su.
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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #36 on: January 16, 2008, 05:04:08 PM »
But to me personally, If i have my way i will not accept it because it kinds of makes me feel incapable to my duties as a husband, what the hell... am i the one marrying the girl or it is the girl that is marrying me? Ta kawo kayan daki, ta kawo kayan kitchen, ta kawo wannan da wancan sannan kuma ta ciyar da kai, kai kuma me ka yi?
See display of inferiority complex wooooo!!!!………  ;D ;D ;D




For the first time in this site am actually taking sides for you women and this what i get in return? Na Wa O!

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #37 on: January 16, 2008, 05:22:30 PM »
LOL @ muhsin and his aunty.

Wata gara da aka bani labari wai buhun shinkafa 100, masara 100, mai 25ltrs X25 (both palm and g/nut), maggi 5 cartons, salt 25 bags, macaroni and spaghetti 25 cartons each.
Kishin kishin ma wai har da Honda EOD's guda biyu.

Kai wannan abu yayi yawa. Na san DB wouldn't mind  ;D

Wallahi when my one of my niece was married, her dad is a business man, in her gara, 30 bags of rice only, not to talk of other commodities. Hoa many people can afford that?
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Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #38 on: January 16, 2008, 05:40:38 PM »
I am forced to understand that all those advocating for the
abolishing of 'gara' are doing it on selfish motive.  I imagine
giving out my two beautiful daughters without giving them
as much gara as i could grap out of my pocket, what is the
essense of my money. 

We have to remember that even the food we eat differ from
house to house, so also all modes of life, you dont expect
Mr. A's gara to be the same as Mr. B's gara and it is not
something that is compulsory, but to me, if i have money
it is compulsory to me to make my daughter proud and happy
in her home by giving her all the goodies including the rumoured
EOD Honda - meye kirtanku ne, duk Muda ne ya fara wannan
maganan garan.  Allah ya kaimu rannan aurenka, I will tell
your inlaws to retain all the gara, haka zamu kaita let her
sleep on that your old (outaded VONO Mattress) ;D

I am surprised at Husnaa's replies also, ko dai a chan turai kika
yi aure ne, if not, you are supposed to have enjoyed gara very
well.

I see wisdom in gara.

Yes GGNK you spoke my mind.

Just so you know DB, not everyone has the capacity to furnish his daughters marital home and then provide loads of food to go with. I think as a husband, if you are very comfortable, like your caliber, it will be selfishness receiving gara again...what if you had more daughters...like 8? Infact, is there a problem or a sin if a groom rejects Gara in his custody? It was never written anywhere that gara is incumbent to see the walls of the marital home of a new bride...common, ku tausayya ma iyaye mana? Dama ana yin abu da hankali da tunani da ma yafi, amma nowadays it has become so competitive, har to the point of back biting on the bride in reference of her poor gara...anya zamu gama da duniya lafiya kuwa?
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Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #39 on: January 16, 2008, 05:59:53 PM »
We are very materialistic. We do everything to show the world that mun isa. Kabaa'ir. That is the word. Anyway, I am not surprised at DB's words, mutan Borno an san su da jin kai da takama. Saboda haka, anything to show that they ARE, they will do. Its like Muhsin said, takurawa iyaye ne. Kuma bayan haka its not a question of kayi iya karfin ka, no, there is a standard where by one must meet, kuma har kirga wa ake yi how many buhus of food u were taken with, just like GGNK mentioned above. Bayan haka ma, ai abincin gets shared out amongst dangin mijin ba wai barma matar ake yi 100%. Dangin miji da su ka bi suke addabbar matar dan uwan su.

Lets talk on a serious note please, i know, my people sabi
'jiji da kai' but only few are doing that these days, the effect
of globalisation is high here in Borno, we accept changes.

________________________________________________

I was trying to post this when I was notified of Muda's post.

Malam Muda, let me tell you something, in as long as you did
not find fault in not doing gara, then there is no way you can
see fault with a person who despite his economic standard
accept to do gara to his only beloved daughter going to her
matrimonial house, a preparation which took him may be 2
or 3 years.

That is why I said there are things that even though they are
show off, but its also allowed.  So, when I am marrying out my
two daughters, i dont mind selling any of my property if i dont
have cash with me to make them happy just for once.

Kuma I will make sure you Muda on your wedding day na sadakar
da dukkan gayan garanka, including the Honda Accord 2008 model.


Amma a gaskiya Husnaa you have never taken a weak side
like this, except may be if i still misunderstood the term under
criticism.

We all knew how our traditional marriage is, the father alone
doesnt shoulder all the responsibilities, aunties, uncles, cousins,
grannys and so many dangis come together and contribute
which transforms into gara.  On several occasions, if it were
to be left alone to iyaye kawai, so many of them cannot afford
amma da taimakon jama'a sai komai yatafi dai dai.

So many young girls that are so enterprising make good use of
their 'gara' and in no much time, it transforms into wealth thereby
gaining an economic independence catering for her immediate
problems.

I can vividly recall a friend who was unfortunately involved in a
banking scandal, he was out of job for a very long time and in
between the 'hard period' the girls' gara did wonderfully in
sustaining the house.

Whoever initiated this gara of a thing, surely did it for a purpose.

Gata kan gata; ko su waye such succesful husbands?
Ka turo Auntyn ka muyi magana, ai kai yaro ne!!!


Finally, let me emphasis to Auntyn Muhsin that there are things
you must do to show off.

"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #40 on: January 16, 2008, 10:30:05 PM »
Malam Muda, let me tell you something, in as long as you did
not find fault in not doing gara, then there is no way you can
see fault with a person who despite his economic standard
accept to do gara to his only beloved daughter going to her
matrimonial house, a preparation which took him may be 2
or 3 years.

I still find it at fault because that father i am very sure did not do the gara willingly, He did  it obligatori;y, if he had a way, he wouldnt have, it is because he wants to escape from societal stigma and shame that he had to succumb to saving some 3 years before just to reach the minimum requirement. Haba Dan Borno?

Kuma I will make sure you Muda on your wedding day na sadakar
da dukkan gayan garanka, including the Honda Accord 2008 model.

Oh Really, very funny, untill then!

Whoever initiated this gara of a thing, surely did it for a purpose.

Of course mana, why are we arguing?

Finally, let me emphasis to Auntyn Muhsin that there are things
you must do to show off.

Really...and what are those things if i may ask?
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Offline Konan

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #41 on: January 17, 2008, 12:15:46 AM »
and if i had my own world i  create a virus and rule da world MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ibro as my right hand man and kakashi by my side we will rule the world hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa/ sorry i got carried away too much


so if i had my won way i wd get rid of bludy A-levels and university tuition fees and RULE DA WORLD LADYMERCIFUL will show mercy if u listen to her muhuahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

Offline Mufi

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #42 on: January 17, 2008, 04:04:48 AM »
Ladymerciful u r one feisty lady ;D ;D.

Ok! back to these Gara debacle, i think one can look at it in many different angles.
As we all know it has been going on for generation and obviously its a tradition that anyone of us cannot break, but we can help in how its perceived by doing it according to ones means.

There are so many traditions in our society that have been taken over the top, n these is definately one of them.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2008, 04:26:28 AM by Mufi »
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Offline HUSNAA

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #43 on: January 17, 2008, 04:39:26 AM »
Lets talk on a serious note please, i know, my people sabi
'jiji da kai' but only few are doing that these days, the effect
of globalisation is high here in Borno, we accept changes.


Anya kuwa DB? human nature no dey easy to changeooooooooo


I was trying to post this when I was notified of Muda's post.

Malam Muda, let me tell you something, in as long as you did
not find fault in not doing gara, then there is no way you can
see fault with a person who despite his economic standard
accept to do gara to his only beloved daughter going to her
matrimonial house, a preparation which took him may be 2
or 3 years.

To ai ka ga irin abin.. dora wa kai abinda Allah Bai Dora maka ba. Duk wanda ya dora wa kansa abin da Allah Bai Dora masa ba kuwa yana tare da wahala.


That is why I said there are things that even though they are
show off, but its also allowed.


By Whom??? DONT tell me by Rabbil Aalameen, because showing off is dangin kabaa ir and Allah Ya Haramta girman kai. So once again by whom??? duniya? (uwar wawa)

So, when I am marrying out my
Amma a gaskiya Husnaa you have never taken a weak side
like this, except may be if i still misunderstood the term under
criticism.


Why is it weak? because I dont agree whole heartedly with what u believe in?

We all knew how our traditional marriage is, the father alone doesnt shoulder all the responsibilities, aunties, uncles, cousins,
grannys and so many dangis come together and contribute
which transforms into gara.  On several occasions, if it were
to be left alone to iyaye kawai, so many of them cannot afford
amma da taimakon jama'a sai komai yatafi dai dai.


An san da haka. Amma kuma when the thing stops being voluntary and becomes obligatory to an shiga cikin hakkin dangi.


Whoever initiated this gara of a thing, surely did it for a purpose.

Exactly DB. it was to help out the newly weds just like ajo with donating public money. My grouse with these things is that if they were being done with the original intent, then there will be no problem. Sai ai tayi. Taimako dadi gare shi.  Amma yanzu abin yazama wata bidi'a. Ya zama abin alfahari, yazama abin kunya inba aiyi ma yarinya ba. what for? struggling and striving and hassling just so that duniya baza ta zage ka ba.. lol... we leave the important things of life and concentrate on the unimportant just so we feel mun isa.

Finally, let me emphasis to Auntyn Muhsin that there are things
you must do to show off.

To Allah Ya Kyauta dai kurum. Everything in moderation DB.





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Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Muhsin

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Re: If I had My Way...
« Reply #44 on: January 17, 2008, 10:19:25 AM »
DB, you seem to have taken your side very strongly this time. Though, feel like no matter how either I, my Aunty or Muda try to convince you on this issue you won't step back with even a single stride. More especially with GGNK at side backing you! So I quit, peacefully. ::)

Quote
so if i had my won way i wd get rid of bludy A-levels and university tuition fees and RULE DA WORLD LADYMERCIFUL will show mercy if u listen to her muhuahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

Ladymerciful, you sound too...what can I call you? You love money so much. Why? You are teach and in return they are paid, then the equation is blanced, isn't it? But why should it be get rid of?  :o ;D
Get to know [and remember] Allah in prosperity & He will know  [and remember] you in adversity.

 


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