BAZAWARA/BAZAWARI ISSUES.

[Dan-Borno]

hey guys, dont be derailed from the topic of discussion,
yeah, husnaa was saying someting very important for us
to understand - the word bazawara is often used than
that of bazawari - why?

back to the other issue, in which HRH drew my attention
when i was generalising male failures - right? there are
exceptions, but i tried picking what is prevalent in our
society today. 

the islamic injunction, as i heard ulamas saying is that
a woman who was divorced by her husband after trying
all the triables mentioned by our learned friend waduz
should be maintained by the husband and under normal
circumstances the woman should stay in the house until
after her idda has expired.  this is not the case with our
brothers and the reactions of the woman will not be
accepted as an excuse.

its time we make it right, compel the husband to take of
his wife (feeding, accommodation, clothing and in fact
making her feel happy during that period). we can change
this trend if we intend.

this reminds me of a story.  a man divorced his wife after
a fruitful sixteen years of marriage.  he sent her packing
that very night to her parents home (imagine after 16 yrs
sending someone to a different home, kai jama'a).  when
her father learnt about it, he sent for the husband to meet
him at home for a possible solution.  the husband arrived
and after narrating his side of the story, his father inlaw
ask him to wait for a second.

the father in law came into the sitting with a double barrel
and his daughter.  he asked her to sit next to her husband,
he then point the double barrel at husband's power house
and said, look at my daughter, is this how she was when you
came asking for her hand in marriage 16 years ago? the
husband out of fear said No, then the father inlaw asked him
to take her back, panel beat her, repaint her, replace all
the vital parts that are weak then you bring her back or else.....

that was how this marriage was restored uptill date.  these
are foods for thought.

[waduz]

Daborno, for sure that is some food for thoughts! But sometimes, a woman even married for twenty years could suddenly change behavious and behave quite strangely towards her husband. I also have a true story to tell which was a source of fun and research for both husbands and wives, so that they can understand the intrcacies and exigencies of marital relationships better.
In this case, the couple were married for almost up to twenty years without any quarrels between them for those years. It was all smooth sailing for them with none of them seeing anything wrong with the other, UNTIL, when the husband decided to get married to a second wife, and actually did. After the mandatory seven days allowed the husband to spend with the amarya, he came back to the uwargida's room. Once on bed, the husband decided innocently to start a conversation with her:

Husband: Na ji jikinnaki da dan sanyi sanyi, ko wanka kika yi?

Uwargida: UWARKA na yi! ai nima lokacin da ka auroni jikin nawa da duminsa! ;D ;D

The husband was so dumbfounded, flabbergasted and disorganized, bcos he could not understand why his wife of so many years could suddenly turned to be a savage against him.
Little wonder then that we have plenty of bazawarais in our midst?

[MySeLf]

Husband: Na ji jikinnaki da dan sanyi sanyi, ko wanka kika yi?

Uwargida: UWARKA na yi! ai nima lokacin da ka auroni jikin nawa da duminsa! ;D ;D

Wayyo Allah Waduz ;D ... I'm in stitches  ;D ;D ;D.... Mata da kishi, Mata da kishi,, Kai! kai!! Kai!!! lol ;D

[HUSNAA]

Muda, I do not think you can start any revolution through a "movement" for an ideal husband, unless, of course,  if you have garnered a lot of experience, by being married to, at least, three wives! This is so, because without having that number of wives, you might be inexperienced and might be dangerously unskilled, to venture into such a highly classified, detailed, confidencial,and gingerly revered issue of what a Husband should or should not be.
However, I will suggest that the matter be hereby tabled for other views, especially from the Danbornos and Gogas, who, from all indications, might be married to more than two (knives) sorry, wives! ;D

A man wiv tree wives as ideal husband?? Now how did u arrive at that conclusion I wonder ???
To kaji DB, yana kiran matanka wukake...  :o :o
Lol I'm outta here bfor the sparks start flying!!!!  ;D ;D ;D

[HUSNAA]

Husband: Na ji jikinnaki da dan sanyi sanyi, ko wanka kika yi?

Uwargida: UWARKA na yi! ai nima lokacin da ka auroni jikin nawa da duminsa! ;D ;D

Wayyo Allah Waduz ;D ... I'm in stitches  ;D ;D ;D.... Mata da kishi, Mata da kishi,, Kai! kai!! Kai!!! lol ;D

To ai shima what a stupid conversation to start!! What he should have done was look her straight in the face and say


"Know what?? Nothing compares to YOU!"
Howszat for a romantic interlude?
It might be a lie (very likely) but its one of those religiously acceptable lies ko?

[Dan-Borno]

Husband: Na ji jikinnaki da dan sanyi sanyi, ko wanka kika yi?
Uwargida: UWARKA na yi! ai nima lokacin da ka auroni jikin nawa da duminsa! ;D ;D

;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D
sai da safenku jama'a, waduz ya koreni kuma kaga yau
girkin uwargida ne!!  ;D  ;D  ;D

[_Waziri_]

Thank you all for your contributions. I think the issue is actually serious as I believe its implication is very wide on our relatives and relatives of our relatives; friends and friends of our friends. It is our sisters, mothers and daughters we are talking about.

As Ummita and Waduz observed, among many others, that the issue is not about shortage of eligible men to go round but rather shortage of competent men to go round. 

I am particularly elated by the expert description of the competent man in the submission of Ummita which shows she really knows what a good man should be like. But my problem is all clever men are good as Ummita describe them only when they are making moves in the direction of wooing a lady.

According to my experience with many women they always think their men were the best at the time of courtship. They tend to see to the contrary only after the marriage. Come to think of it. They wouldn't have married them if they had an idea the men were terrible enough to divorce them at whim.

So when the divorced women are saying they would go round demonstrating they are actually saying the type of men Ummita described have failed them!

In this I think the men alone, as husbands, cannot wholly be blamed. The men as parents too share the blame as women on their part as both parents and wives too.

Since when we stopped teaching our children to see marriage as an act of ibadat which only Allah can reward not an affair in love and complete serial pleasure seeking exercise?

Since when did we stop, as husband or wife  seeing marriage as duty, responsibility, obligation driven affair not  right, liberty and voluntary driven affair?

Since we stopped all theses our marriages became what they are today.

Last year I took a 3 weeks leave in office and decided to be visiting the nearby Shari'a court in the interval. I was shocked to see how 57 marriages were nullified in just one week!

Well, perhaps the women demonstrating have some point for if by their action the government will be moved to make legislations that will curve our excesses in dealing with certain matters in marriage we will be a better flock of human beings.

Why won't the government make laws that assess the mental and financial worthiness of anybody intending to add another wife?

Why won't the government make laws regarding those men divorcing their women leaving them and their children with no means of survival?

For now, I would want to note to women, of course our women, that what they need to keep their men is just obedience to the men. For any man in history we hear, and anywhere, praising his wife for standing by him; be sure that it is because she stood by him, agreed with him, identified with him in his vision of life both for himself and for her. 

And to the men, they should know that keeping a woman means providing for her security both physical and emotional. They need to constantly be shown love and appreciation. They need to be petted and pleaded at, whenever their expectations are not met.

Finally whatever a wife will do to her husband or he to her let them know first and foremost that it is Allah who can reward those who take care of their partners well not the partners themselves. Give much please but expect little from your partner. It helps greatly. Despite his/her slamming still jam and keep jamming. You will reap the benefit only in marriage not out of it for Allah sees and He promises not fail the patient and perseverant. Besides we have nothing to do in this world that is more important than marriage.


Waziri

[ummita]

Likewise, it not about "willing potential" men but it's about "competent" men! Am talking about men that can administer fair treatment to their wives, men that are worthy and trustworthy, men that are honest and humble, a man who really knows what it takes to be a "husband" to his "wife"! Am talking about marriage as a whole! I am talking about companionship and the whole camaraderie that comes in marriage. I am talking about ability to understand your wife, to endure her behaviour misplacements and to accommodate conflicting differences, a man being a husband leader not a forceful dictator, a man who has real merits of submitting his religious marital righteousness to his partner, his virtue for patience and so on and hence forth. Staying married is just not about consummating the marriage, having and rearing children. It's also about respect, kindness, sympathy and many more. And all these qualities must be exercised. This is what makes a marriage! This is what makes a man a husband! A capable husband! And this is what saves a marriage from nullification!

That sounded more like your own version of the  Obama Presidential Speech, but in this case i call it: "The Remaking of a Husband"...lol...just kidding. But well spoken Ummitah, you make me want to start a revolution: "Movement Of The Ideal Husbands", its possiblke right? though i know i will face a lot of challenges, what do you think?

Hope you fly high......let the sky be your limit Mudaaaa. I see your potentials dude!! ;) Young, intelligent, innovative and a challenge taker. I think it's time, your time!!! ;) The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them.....

[ummita]

I am particularly elated by the expert description of the competent man in the submission of Ummita which shows she really knows what a good man should be like. But my problem is all clever men are good as Ummita describe them only when they are making moves in the direction of wooing a lady.

Wait a minute......permit me to say that my person specification of how men should be competent and good to their wives is not only focused on wooing her rather more on keeping her as a wife in his house. More so, a desirable husband will obviously be clever in pulling off all his good qualities to appease his wife. Therefore I see no wrong of a man to exhaust those fine attributes in order to entice and win her love and affection. If you ask me, only when a man is clever in using his good intrinsic worth in wooing a lady would he be chanced to build himself a platform for courtship. And it is in that process that he seeks her affection, usually with the hope of marrying her as his wife. So it should not descend as a problem to you Waziri if women as you supposedly taught find men as good ONLY when they are being enticed, which I object to. Besides, if being clever in wooing a lady is what it takes for a man to be a good man to keep his wive or save is marriage from split ups then.....is it really a problem? Or should it really be a problem to you?

According to my experience with many women they always think their men were the best at the time of courtship. They tend to see to the contrary only after the marriage. Come to think of it. They wouldn't have married them if they had an idea the men were terrible enough to divorce them at whim.

Your many experiences......you sure got game!!! Well, if the opposite of love begins to form bedrock in the matrimonial home, then I guess those men played out their cards right. Anyi mah yarinya shigo, shigo.....sei dah zama yayi zaman sai halin na miji nata ya fito and that's simply why some women who taught their husbands were so so superlative are not anymore after marriage. One can fake behaviours but not for long! It just takes a smart girl to figure that out before miji yayi mata shigo....shigo!

And to the men, they should know that keeping a woman means providing for her security both physical and emotional. They need to constantly be shown love and appreciation. They need to be petted and pleaded at, whenever their expectations are not met.

Uhmmm I think we gonna have a problem here........you have just stated my very description of the qualities of the type of men both male and female would consider competent. Kudos to you! And so......if a clever man knows how to make provision for security, love, a sound mind for appreciation, the ability to wheedle and/or flatter her, then you are rightly on the same boat as I am. And if women do not achieve these good qualities from clever men then truly "men" have failed them.
THE END................

[Nuruddeen]

I am particularly elated by the expert description of the competent man in the submission of Ummita which shows she really knows what a good man should be like. But my problem is all clever men are good as Ummita describe them only when they are making moves in the direction of wooing a lady.

Wait a minute......permit me to say that my person specification of how men should be competent and good to their wives is not only focused on wooing her rather more on keeping her as a wife in his house. More so, a desirable husband will obviously be clever in pulling off all his good qualities to appease his wife. Therefore I see no wrong of a man to exhaust those fine attributes in order to entice and win her love and affection. If you ask me, only when a man is clever in using his good intrinsic worth in wooing a lady would he be chanced to build himself a platform for courtship. And it is in that process that he seeks her affection, usually with the hope of marrying her as his wife. So it should not descend as a problem to you Waziri if women as you supposedly taught find men as good ONLY when they are being enticed, which I object to. Besides, if being clever in wooing a lady is what it takes for a man to be a good man to keep his wive or save is marriage from split ups then.....is it really a problem? Or should it really be a problem to you?

According to my experience with many women they always think their men were the best at the time of courtship. They tend to see to the contrary only after the marriage. Come to think of it. They wouldn't have married them if they had an idea the men were terrible enough to divorce them at whim.

Your many experiences......you sure got game!!! Well, if the opposite of love begins to form bedrock in the matrimonial home, then I guess those men played out their cards right. Anyi mah yarinya shigo, shigo.....sei dah zama yayi zaman sai halin na miji nata ya fito and that's simply why some women who taught their husbands were so so superlative are not anymore after marriage. One can fake behaviours but not for long! It just takes a smart girl to figure that out before miji yayi mata shigo....shigo!

And to the men, they should know that keeping a woman means providing for her security both physical and emotional. They need to constantly be shown love and appreciation. They need to be petted and pleaded at, whenever their expectations are not met.

Uhmmm I think we gonna have a problem here........you have just stated my very description of the qualities of the type of men both male and female would consider competent. Kudos to you! And so......if a clever man knows how to make provision for security, love, a sound mind for appreciation, the ability to wheedle and/or flatter her, then you are rightly on the same boat as I am. And if women do not achieve these good qualities from clever men then truly "men" have failed them.
THE END................

TO KAJI! WANNAN FA SHI NE KAKA TSARA KAKA.

[Rais]

Husband: Na ji jikinnaki da dan sanyi sanyi, ko wanka kika yi?

Uwargida: UWARKA na yi! ai nima lokacin da ka auroni jikin nawa da duminsa! ;D ;D

Wayyo Allah Waduz ;D ... I'm in stitches  ;D ;D ;D.... Mata da kishi, Mata da kishi,, Kai! kai!! Kai!!! lol ;D

Batai laifi domin de man is indirectly telling her your time now don go, na mangeji be dat .He get the danyan jini is not her tenure ::)

[_Waziri_]

Ummita,

Actually I was not trying to contradict you by my submission. You will notice that I identified with your description of a competent man for marriage and went ahead and observed that some men are good at amplifying their good side only during courtship. That is to say in arriving at conclusion of the goodness of a man a woman needs to be very cautious. Mine was only an addition not an attempt to contradict you.

But in the final analysis, I think sometimes our overt show of our own smartness distance us away from the good men or women.

I know actually that we need more than mere smartness to be lucky to get competent men or women for spouses to our individual personal standards. Sometimes it is even impossible. Read this article please:

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24191/dating-101-seven-things-no-one-tells-you-about-marriage

And it was why I said in my submission:

Finally whatever a wife will do to her husband or he to her let them know first and foremost that it is Allah who can reward those who take care of their partners well not the partners themselves. Give much please but expect little from your partner. It helps greatly. Despite his/her slamming still jam and keep jamming. You will reap the benefit only in marriage not out of it for Allah sees and He promises not fail the patient and perseverant. Besides we have nothing to do in this world that is more important than marriage.

Waziri

[waduz]

Give much please, but expect little from your partner.[/b]


What a saying, waziri! This is the whole secret of a good relationship between patners. But only those blessed with beautiful hearts could endure giving out, but not taking anything from the reciever.

[waduz]

In our continuation of the fruitful discussions on the bazawara and bazawari, or rather kotono woman and man, we all must be mindful of silly mistakes we daily make at home which ultimately, may result into very unacceptable actions that may lead to terrible consequences. We must be careful when travelling away and leaving our family in the hands of irresponsible rascals. The story I am going to narrate is about a buzu nightwatchman and his master.

BUZU: Maigida, kudin aikina fa ya karu.

MAIGIDA: To, ta ya ya?

BUZU: Bayan kayi tafiya na kwana bakwai, ni nake yi wa uwargida wanka.

Of course what follows afterwards was an irrevocable divorce handed over to the wife and the nightwatchman fired. Little wonder then, why the bazawarai and bazawaris are daily multiplying?

[EMTL]

In our continuation of the fruitful discussions on the bazawara and bazawari, or rather kotono woman and man, we all must be mindful of silly mistakes we daily make at home which ultimately, may result into very unacceptable actions that may lead to terrible consequences. We must be careful when travelling away and leaving our family in the hands of irresponsible rascals. The story I am going to narrate is about a buzu nightwatchman and his master.

BUZU: Maigida, kudin aikina fa ya karu.

MAIGIDA: To, ta ya ya?

BUZU: Bayan kayi tafiya na kwana bakwai, ni nake yi wa uwargida wanka.

Of course what follows afterwards was an irrevocable divorce handed over to the wife and the nightwatchman fire. Little wonder then, why the bazawarai and bazawaris are daily multiplying?

Assalamu alaikum,
This is sad story.
Islam forbids any Man allowing his wife, daughter, sister to be in isolation with any body that is not related to her (Muharim)- for instance a woman must not travel with ONLY Driver without third person. The hiring of houseboys, security, etc. must be done with caution. Allah (SWT) Ya kare mu tare da iyalanmu.