Laugh Out Loud

[gogannaka]

Nice one borg...........keep em' coming

[kilishi]

2 Eggs


An old man and women are going out for a meal to celebrate there 50th anniversary.The old man is getting ready but cant find his shoes so he looks under the bed and finds a box with 2 eggs in it and a thousand pounds so that evening he questions his wife about it at dinner.

"Well.." she said "each time I was unfaithful to you I put an egg in the box"

"And what about the thousand pound?" asked the old man.

"Well..." Replies the woman "Each time I got a dozen eggs I sold them"

mathematicians calculate

[Borg]

WOW!!! All i can say is thats a lot of eggs!!!

Another one....

An elderly couple was sitting around one evening and the man says to wife,

"Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.  We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings.   But there's something I've always wondered about:  Tell the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

She hesitates a moment, then says "Yes, 3 times, Sidney."

"Three times?" How could that happen?" Sidney asks.

The wife begins recalling slowly

"Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so broke, and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?"

"Yes, that was really a terrible time" replies the man.

Marsha continued, "And remember when I went to see the banker one night and the next day the bank extended our loan?"  

"That's hard to take" the man says "but I guess it really was for us, so I can forgive you."

"What was the second time?"

"Well,"   she   continued   "do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?"

"Yes of course"   the man replies." Then you will remember that night after I went to see the doctor, he did your operation at no cost?" she explained.

"That's true."

Sidney nodded. "That shocks me, Marsha, but I do understand that you did it out of love for me, and I forgive you.

"So, what was the third time?"

Marsha lowers her head and says "Sidney, do you remember when you ran for Country Club President and you needed 62 more votes?"

The Man Fainted.

[Anonymous]

Here's a wicked tribal joke.
The President of Nigeria was doing a tour of the Federation to promote a government camapign against tribalism. As his motorcade drove along past Umuahia he saw two guys pull a small Tivi boy out of a river with a long rope.
The President ordered his car to stop and he got out and shook the hands of the two guys. " In days to come" he told them " I hope all the tribes of this country can learn to help each other as I have just seen you help this young Tiv. I am proud of you, men. We will invite you to Abuja to receive great honours."
As he drove away one guy turned to the other and said "What was all that about? We've been using small Tivi boys as bait to catch crocodiles for years."

[dfynest]

ha ha ha! where did you get this one? I like the one about jim bob even more!!!!
keep em coming!

[kilishi]

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a 250 dollar see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for 250 dollars they could've at least ironed it!" 8) 8) 8) 8)

[Borg]

OUCH!!! ;D

[Anonymous]

This is a true story which I read in the Herald (Scottish Newspaper)today.

A girl at school for the first day had a wee "accident" which meant her teacher, Miss Smith, had to quietly take her into the back room and change her knickers.
"This is a pair of pants we keep in case of accidents" the teacher told the girl. "Put them on to go home. G et your mum to wash them so you can bring them back to us tomorrow."
The next day when the teacher got on the crowded bus to go to school she saw the girl sitting inside with her father.
"Hi, Miss Smith" shouted the girl in front of all the people.  
"Your knickers are in my father's pocket!"

[IBB]

U cant be a palestine and have ur country


U dont have to be a palestine to die of no reason

[Fulanizzle]

Marsha lowers her head and says "Sidney, do you remember when you ran for Country Club President and you needed 62 more votes?"

The Man Fainted.

NOW THAT KILLED ME

[Fulanizzle]

Here's a wicked tribal joke........
As he drove away one guy turned to the other and said "What was all that about? We've been using small Tivi boys as bait to catch crocodiles for years."

THATS JUST OFF THE HOOK!

[Fulanizzle]

"My word, for 250 dollars they could've at least ironed it!" 8) 8) 8) 8)

THATS SO EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEHE

[Guduma]

                  COURT CASE:

A man was escorted to court by his wife to give evidence in a case of theft against his neighbour before the court. After being sworn in, the man started talking uncontrollably. The judge, lawyers, clerks and even the court orderlies tried to halt the man form talking, but it was useless. The judge, amids the blabberings of the man, threatens to jail him for contempt, still the man went on talking, and talking.

His wife that was sitting away from the witness box where her husband was ranting, decided to do something about him. She stood up and shouted his name, "Williams!"
Instantly the man stopped talking, and turned towards the direction of his wife. She shouted at him again, this time saying, "Down!" The man shook his head in agreement and sat down quietly. Every in the courtroom was suprised and happy, now that order has return been restored. Some women!!!!!!

[Guduma]

A man dies and goes to hell and the devil meets him at the gate and said to him, " there are three rooms here and you can choose which one you want to spend eternity in".
The devil takes him to the first room where there were people hanging from the walls by their waist and obviously in agony.
The devil takes him to the second room where the people are being whipped with metal chains.
The devil then opens the third door, and the man looks inside and sees loads of people sitting around, up to their waist in shit, drinking cups of tea.
The man instantly decides to spend eternity in the third room and went inside. He picks up his cup of tea and the devil turns back saying " ok guys, tea break's over, back on your heads!"

[Guduma]

        ONLY ONE FOOT!

Now this is about a young a lady that married a ex army officer, a veteran who lost a leg during war. He was retired due to his condition and always uses an artificial leg afterwards. His new wife and her family have never been aware that the man's other leg was artificial. After the wedding, the groom and bride retired to their flat. To the bride's suprise, her husband shook one of his legs and removed it! In utter disbelief she rushed out of the room and went straight to the parlour and phoned her mother at home.

Daughter: Hello mom, my husband has "only" one foot! :o

Seing that the time then was 12midnight, the mother thought that her daughter was complaining about the size of the husband and answered:

MOM: You are very very lucky dear, your father has only three inches! ;D ;D