All of u gather around lets converse!!!

[Ibro2g]

Ummitah that really is something. However I feel u should have let urself be seen day 1 when u first saw them together. It'll drive his guilt(if he has any) to make ammends, maybe by even contacting u. That way, u could've helped ur friend without hurting her. Secondly, when she showed up on ur door step, thats ur friend again, begging u to help her silently. Besides, u didnt want her with ur cousin and all, you shoulda dragged her and ur cousin in confidence to a private room and discussed this. I'm sure u r older and persuasive. You can talk sence into thier heads. If she misbehaves, as smart as u said ur cousin is, she'll see her true colors and keep a safe distance.

Another thing. Marriage is a ritual which is better in fewer numbers. I really wouldn't advice u to head out to ur friend with such news. But both u and ur friend needs to understand he is probably interested in marrying her, since she is the only and same girl everywhere. What then? Despite ur friends nature she best relaxes herself, keep herself and her baby healthy. No shouting or fighting, or even threats will solve any of this. If she pushes him, like I already think she's doing, things can only go worse.

Point of advice....Many people know when thier partners are cheating on them, some just suck it in, pretend it doesnt happen, others simply burst it open. Niether of them wants to know or wants anyone else to know. When ever they do, they wish they hadn't. For the safety of the marriage, ur concern for ur friend and your Iman, do not tell her....do not tell them. Do what u think u can without hurting them. I'd say talk to the girl, make her aware of what she is doing to another family, if she would like that upon herself someday....which she will. And I'm sure u are smart enuff not to throw threats at her or insulting comments. I know u can appeal to her reasoning...if thier intentions are marriage, different story there.

Like Husanaa was saying, there really isn't an easy solution and there isnt much that she can do. Maganar masifa bata taso ba.

I'm sorry for your friend, and her husband, and the lives of men and women who get into all this in this era. I'm sorry for u too Ummitah, for having to face such dillema.
.........And Allah knows best


May Safety and Peace be with u

[Dan-Borno]

As far as my opinion is concern the gentleman has done nothing
wrong in whatever direction or angle you might look at it.

1.  Your friend's husband has every right to acquire, get, interract
     or befriend a girl in so far his intentions is to bring her into a
     matrimonial home.

2.  Your friend's husband in his desire to fulfil (1) above maintains
     every right to see his girl friend at any time and manner including
     telling his wife lies in order to cover up and to avoid untimely
     creation of trouble in his house over his ambition to add another
     wife.

3.  Your friend's husband in his capacity as the girl's fiancee is given
     all priviledges as given to other fiancee including collecting her
     photographs and keeping them in such safe places as he deems
     fit necessary, including his briefcase, suit pockets, office drawers
     car glove compartments etc.

4.  Your friend's husband in his capacity as the husband after receiving
     a surprise text message from his wife is entitle by law to not reply
     the text and refuse to pick any of her calls until and after he is ready
     and adequate time be given to him to address the issue and defend
     himself appropriately.

5.  Your friend's action is in contrary to the rules of secrecy, as she further
     went beyond her jurisdiction in opening his briefcase in search of fishy
      results which amounts to violation of private affairs and encroachment
     on his private life.

6.   Your friend is expected to act wild upon her new discovery, the law
      permits her, except that it is just for a brief moments and should not
      be transgressed.

7.   You Ummita have no right whatsoever to mention, narrate, inform, relate
      or transmitt in any form the hallucination that you went under while trying
      to buy plantain in any pretext, for it will amount to breach of security peace
      and in this case, withholding of virtual information is highly preached.

8.   You Ummita wether in company of your friends or alone should as from this
      incidence preach the gospel of polygamy to your friend while you also watch
      your back as it is a second skin to Dan-Arewa even after returning from London.

9.   You Ummita should endeavour never to speak to the young beautiful lady (your
      cousin's friend) on any matter relating to this and accept this as a blessing to
      your friend's family while praying same to come your way.

10.  So I advice above.

[ummita]

Husna, thank you. I was just about  2 exhale thinking I should stick to my guts and keep shut but your last paragraph got me back on double take again! Though it seems you gave stronger grounds for me to maintain my silence, which is really my interest at heart. Thnks 'n' much appreciated. Muah, muah!!

Ibro, my thankfulness to you too, and you right on point but I tell you, I don't want drama so confronting that girl is a no, no for me. Na daya, kaseni wasu ba hankali gere su ba. Biyu be shafeni ba Ibro, uku like you also said (shhhh) & muahhhh 2 u too.

Dan-Borno, pls let me make this clear, I witnessed ish and ish and was contemplating on what stand to take. If it was just a random "anyone" ba abun da ya shafeh ni kam, but this is someone very close to me. Main point, I have no going against my friend's husband seeing another girl. Its more to do with me telling my part of the story or just being a mere spectator, just plain battle on my conscious and moral justifications. I am not against any married man who falls back in another courtship game. In every respect, what I find COMPLETELY WRONG is the way he is going on about it. Let me point out his little, little misdemeanors.

1.   If he wants an extra wife, he should have an atom of regard and let his wife know.
2.   Why lie about being on a trip? Face up and look up!
3.   Am sure every father n mother wouldn't find the notion of their LITTLE and VERY young daughter out and about frolicking in another mans arm funny!!! And if I was her mother, I will give her a whooping up her backside. Call me uncivilized but if man wants my daughter even if it is just a dating game, come home to my living room. I am this civil! I have restrictions set in motion and therefore, liberation of modern day courtship should not be taken to the point of ridiculousness!

This brings me to say, there is a member here, who is an author too, greatest respects to her/him. In one of her/his books delivered to me, it touched on the accordance and righteous ways you men should go about courtship and marriage. Well written in this members book, supports the belief that a man can marry up to four but there that there are strict rules on how to go about it. In his/her book, even pointed on the acceptability or non-acceptability of a man chatting with his girlfriend in a car! Whether religion frowns upon it or not. Anyway, excellent book & excellently written. And I totally see eye to eye. I would have sent you my copy but no need, I know u have your many kinds stacked up.
Thanks too..............yeah, concluded to keep what I know in the the dark!

tell him make him wait for me...oooo I go marry am ooo when he grows up!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

& oh by the way Husna, let me know how your culture observe marriage preparation so that we can start sending our kayan wushi wushi boxes or it is you that will send us the 'na gani ina so' boxes? :-\ If its us, then let us know your shoe sizes, sizes of essentials and your taste for fashion. ;D

On the face of it, thanx guys, my mind is finally at rest!

[amira]

That is a sticky situation, but glad your mind's at rest.
From your side keeping silent is the best option, sa ido kawai
ki observing wats to happen next, like you said wasu ba hankali
ne dasu ba. Wani gyaran kan zamo barna, jeki ki sha ruwan sanyi ki
huta, but continue giving your friend good advice ta kwantar da hankalinta
especially that shes pregnant.
Hope things work out well inshaallah.

[HUSNAA]

Husna, thank you. I was just about  2 exhale thinking I should stick to my guts and keep shut but your last paragraph got me back on double take again! Though it seems you gave stronger grounds for me to maintain my silence, which is really my interest at heart. Thnks 'n' much appreciated. Muah, muah!!

Actually I dont mean that u should tell her that u once saw the girl with her husband. No. What I mean is that since the girl has been to yr house, she's bound to show some form of recognition towards you one day if you happen to bump into each other. This is more so as she is a friend of yr cousin as well and you have treated her well at yr place despite a few cold shoulders.  If u happened to be with yr friend both of you will recognize her. Chances are that she will also recognize both of you since yr friend's husband has probably shown her a pic of what his wife looks like, or maybe the girl knows her from some previous obscure association. Therefore its bound to look and be awkward for all of u. One thing though is that if she sees u in the company of yr friend and she already knows that she is the wife of the guy she's going out with, she may not come near you there and then and maybe ever, which works out well for you, cos then you will avoid the embarrassment of having to explain yr prior knowledge of the girl. On the other hand, if the girl sees u on yr own, although you are in company of yr friend who happens not to be around at that moment, lets say, she goes into a shop to buy something while u wait for her, or u both go in to the shop and split ur selves in diff directions and then u happen to meet this girl on yr own. Or another scenario, a much more likely one is that u and yr friend happen to be at a function together  but she is not at yr side at that moment, for some reason or other, and this girl sees u accidentally, and then comes over, or she is with yr cousin and they both come over to say hi and at that moment  or moments later, yr friend comes back when you are least aware and sees u with yr cousin and her friend. Now if  she sees ur cousin together with the girl, then this could go  a long way to explaining the girl's  presence there. But if the girl is on her own... ahem!! the fat would be in the fire!!  So to avoid that scenario, u could gently apprise yr friend that the girl is a friend of y cousin and as you said, a bad influence, so u will talk to yr cousin about the girl. That's all.

tell him make him wait for me...oooo I go marry am ooo when he grows up!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

& oh by the way Husna, let me know how your culture observe marriage preparation so that we can start sending our kayan wushi wushi boxes or it is you that will send us the 'na gani ina so' boxes? :-\ If its us, then let us know your shoe sizes, sizes of essentials and your taste for fashion. ;D

na me de see am, so na me go bring di boxes na gani ina so ko?   ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
where da lil tot nema? bring him back!!   ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Dan-Borno]

PPS that's a real cute little gentleman sitting on that sofa... tell him make him wait for me...oooo I go marry am ooo when he grows up!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Ummita dont mind this old woman, i get better babe (chasis) for
my house way go fit this cuty.

[HUSNAA]

see me see jealosi!!!  >:(  Na riga ka!!! go and give ur chassis to a deserving motor mechanic!  >:(

[*~MuDa~*]

As far as my opinion is concern the gentleman has done nothing
wrong in whatever direction or angle you might look at it.

1.  Your friend's husband has every right to acquire, get, interract
     or befriend a girl in so far his intentions is to bring her into a
     matrimonial home.

2.  Your friend's husband in his desire to fulfil (1) above maintains
     every right to see his girl friend at any time and manner including
     telling his wife lies in order to cover up and to avoid untimely
     creation of trouble in his house over his ambition to add another
     wife.

3.  Your friend's husband in his capacity as the girl's fiancee is given
     all priviledges as given to other fiancee including collecting her
     photographs and keeping them in such safe places as he deems
     fit necessary, including his briefcase, suit pockets, office drawers
     car glove compartments etc.

4.  Your friend's husband in his capacity as the husband after receiving
     a surprise text message from his wife is entitle by law to not reply
     the text and refuse to pick any of her calls until and after he is ready
     and adequate time be given to him to address the issue and defend
     himself appropriately.

5.  Your friend's action is in contrary to the rules of secrecy, as she further
     went beyond her jurisdiction in opening his briefcase in search of fishy
      results which amounts to violation of private affairs and encroachment
     on his private life.

6.   Your friend is expected to act wild upon her new discovery, the law
      permits her, except that it is just for a brief moments and should not
      be transgressed.

7.   You Ummita have no right whatsoever to mention, narrate, inform, relate
      or transmitt in any form the hallucination that you went under while trying
      to buy plantain in any pretext, for it will amount to breach of security peace
      and in this case, withholding of virtual information is highly preached.

8.   You Ummita wether in company of your friends or alone should as from this
      incidence preach the gospel of polygamy to your friend while you also watch
      your back as it is a second skin to Dan-Arewa even after returning from London.

9.   You Ummita should endeavour never to speak to the young beautiful lady (your
      cousin's friend) on any matter relating to this and accept this as a blessing to
      your friend's family while praying same to come your way.
10.  So I advice above.

LMAO...lol oh my God, you guys will not kill me in this site, DB you are one heedful polygamous ambassador, God i cant believe this is happening...lol!

[*~MuDa~*]

This is more so as she is a friend of yr cousin as well and you have treated her well at yr place despite a few cold shoulders. 

At this point, i have to ask, is it also natural for a woman to feel jalous if her husbands friend is playing around? I mean why do they have to go to the point of giving cold shoulders?

[ummita]

PPS that's a real cute little gentleman sitting on that sofa... tell him make him wait for me...oooo I go marry am ooo when he grows up!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Ummita dont mind this old woman, i get better babe (chasis) for
my house way go fit this cuty.

LOL, toh, Dan-Borno, kaganni beiwar Allah nan ter riga ka fah. Fairness deserves a first come first serve! However, only if Husna agrees, maybe your chasis ter zama ta biyu.

see me see jealosi!!!  >:(  Na riga ka!!! go and give ur chassis to a deserving motor mechanic!  >:(

LOL, but Husna everything works well 4 u. I hav no objection cuz judging from d looks of it, u suffice d marriage material criteria because I draw my verdict only from two criteria's, which is kindness & addini. And frm my vry honest conclusions u do sound like a very nice lady wit good religious nurture.

We await, kayan auren, which of course wouldn't burn a whole in ur pocket, just baby wipes, diapers & stuffed toys. However, we are open to abit of luxury if u desire ;D ;D. Allah baku zaman lafyah! Plssssssssssssss, if I may ask, wat is the amount of our dowry? ;D

Amman fa, da only one problem is......as per a minor, his age of consent to the marriage is my worry :-\ plus kada abaki a maida bawan Allah mai wanke undies! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :-\

PS: Dan-Borno, if a woman aint reached 60 yet she still in her prime.....kasan ance life begins @ 60, so don't mind him Husna, u still a chasis!!!!..... ;D

[ummita]

From your side keeping silent is the best option, sa ido kawai
ki observing wats to happen next,............
jeki ki sha ruwan sanyi ki,.............
Hope things work out well inshaallah.

Mhmmm Amira, seriously I don't even want to saka ido. I don't want to witness any mischief again. The way mind was playing roller coasters was abit disturbing thinking whose interest should I put first? My friends, her hubby's, the little girls or mine? So uhn, uhn!!!! Advice/shawara is something we all mostly find ourselves giving out. And just recently I gave someone what I taught was a fair advice, only for her to turn round piping me up and down and asking me on whose side was I on? Her's or her amaryas? Even when truthfully my friend was at fault, so you see!!!! Truth is bitter & it hurts & we don't like hearing it! So best for me to  :-X

Ruwan sanyi na har da kankarah! ;D U a star! Thnx

[Ibro2g]

lol I just wanna comment on Husnaa and her new catch. I wanna see em live happily ever after, however, did anyone ask the kid? ko auren dole za a yi mashi? did anyone even consider human rights violation...the kid is under aged isnt he?. me I dey eye a much older girl... she is over 60 so u may say life has "started for her"

[HUSNAA]

PPS that's a real cute little gentleman sitting on that sofa... tell him make him wait for me...oooo I go marry am ooo when he grows up!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Ummita dont mind this old woman, i get better babe (chasis) for
my house way go fit this cuty.

LOL, toh, Dan-Borno, kaganni beiwar Allah nan ter riga ka fah. Fairness deserves a first come first
serve! However, only if Husna agrees, maybe your chasis ter zama ta biyu.

Ta zama ta biyu? Lallai ashe za tazama a real chassis kenan!! don a cikin bonnet din mota za a aza ta!! Dakin ta kenan!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

see me see jealosi!!!  >:(  Na riga ka!!! go and give ur chassis to a deserving motor mechanic!  >:(

LOL, but Husna everything works well 4 u. I hav no objection cuz judging from d looks of it, u suffice d marriage material criteria because I draw my verdict only from two criteria's, which is kindness & addini. And frm my vry honest conclusions u do sound like a very nice lady wit good religious nurture.

Thank u for that vote of confidence!! ;D

We await, kayan auren, which of course wouldn't burn a whole in ur pocket, just baby wipes, diapers & stuffed toys. However, we are open to abit of luxury if u desire ;D ;D. Allah baku zaman lafyah! Plssssssssssssss, if I may ask, wat is the amount of our dowry? ;D

Lol! only the best will do! Open to a bit of luxury ko? Designer Huggies and co here we come!! and as for dowry lol! Never mind its affordable... remember ni ke nema!!! I wont price myself out of the market...hahahahaha!

Amman fa, da only one problem is......as per a minor, his age of consent to the marriage is my worry :-\ plus kada abaki a maida bawan Allah mai wanke undies! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :-\

Wanke undies? nah nah its cuddles all the way.. 

PS: Dan-Borno, if a woman aint reached 60 yet she still in her prime.....kasan ance life begins @ 60, so don't mind him Husna, u still a chasis!!!!..... ;D[/color]

Dont worry about DB, so yake ya kashe min kasuwa  with my cutie, shi yasa. Ko da yake Dan Borno a ka rika aika yana  raban kaurin suna  lokacin da aka haife ni... ;D ;D. That is why he seems to 'know' all about me... :P

[Konan]

 :-\ guess i'll catch up later gudnyt

[Dan-Borno]

LOL, toh, Dan-Borno, kaganni beiwar Allah nan ter riga ka fah. Fairness deserves a first come first serve! However, only if Husna agrees, maybe your chasis ter zama ta biyu.

this is what we term as 'unfairness at its highest point'
we are suppose to allow the big-boy grab his choice and
no more imposition.

(DB whispering to Ummita) send me your bank details, I
am transfering some hot currencies to start with.
action speaks louder than voice.