Make Me Laugh!

[bakangizo]

ROVER
...Finally, Dad threw down his newspaper in disgust
and bellowed, "Rover! FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET OFF
THAT COUCH BEFORE HE S.H.I.T.T.S ON YOU!!!"

That was nice :lol:

LOL at Precious also. Amma in ni ne mutumin nan sai na rama marin.

[bakangizo]

What Fate


Once upon a time there was a prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words. One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say "my darling". But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5). But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking. Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?" The princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: "Pardon?"

[bakangizo]

A man is walking home alone one night when he hears a bump, bump, bump behind him. Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the road towards him: bump it goes, bump, BUMP. Terrified the man runs towards his house, the coffin bounces after him faster, FASTER, bump, bump, bump. He runs up to the door fumbles with the key, opens the door rushes in and locks it behind him. However, the coffin crashes through the door, its lid clapping dementedly, clappity bump, CLAPPITY BUMP, hot on the heels of the terrified man. He rushes upstairs to the bathroom,locks himself in. His heart is pumping, his head is reeling, his breath is mixed with sobs and gasps. With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door, bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams in horror and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of Benylin in the medicine cabinet. Desperate he throws the bottle at the coffin...

...and wait for it...



...THE COUGHING STOPS! :lol:

[neozizo]

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who was at site..........

WOMEN!!!

A man is walking home alone one night when he hears a bump, bump, bump behind him......

Good1 LOLOLOL.

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

How about this one.
Two young women are out playing golf. one of them tees off and slices her shot onto the adjacent fairway where it hits a male golfer who collapses in agony.
She runs over and finds the man in foetal position, groaning and clutching his hand into his groin.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Let me help you" the young woman cries " I'm a nurse"
The man resists and continues groaning.
"I can give you a soothing massage" insists the woman.
The man rolls over still groaning.
The women lifts his hands away from his groin, zips down his flies , slips her hand in and proceeds to gently massage.
"How does that feel?" she askes after a few minutes
"That feels great" says the man " but my thumb still hurts like hell where your golf ball hit it!"

[neozizo]

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

[bakangizo]

LOL @ zizo. :lol:

[gogannaka]

LOL ! ! ! Nice one zizo.

[*~MuDa~*]

Here is a fofular one:

A boy asked his father "Daddy, how was I born?" Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said You've Got Male!

[*~MuDa~*]

Here is anozer one:

"...Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up!! Quick! My husband is back." Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts his back, and then realizes: "Damn, I'm the husband!" 'Who is guilty' in this situation? ? ?

[neozizo]

'Who is guilty' in this situation? ? ?

u cud say its 1-1.very nice 1 muda.i hope d story wasnt inspired by real life (1st-hand)x-perience.LOL
PLs laff @ dis 1.
During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. ?You there,? the sergeant shouts, ?the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!? The recruit takes two steps to one side.
?What are you doing, man?? Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. ?I?m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant,? answers the recruit calmly.

[neozizo]

An old Arab man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Abdul, who used to help him, was being held by the FBI for aiding and abetting terrorists.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Abdul,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Your Dad, Mohammad.

A few days later he received a letter from his son.:
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don?t dig up that garden, that's where I buried the biological weapons.
Love, Abdul.

At 4a.m. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any weapons. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.:

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under  the circumstances.

Love,Abdul.

[*~MuDa~*]

History
>
Year  1981
1. Prince Charles got  married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Pope  Died.


Year  2005
1. Prince Charles got  married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope  Died.

In Future, if Charles wants to re-marry and Liverpool needs another  crown
POOR POPE!

[neozizo]

A man checked into a hotel in Australia. There was a computer in his room,so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.  

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer
screen which Read: >>

To : My Loving Wife
Subject : I've Arrived
Date: June 3, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been repared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.  

P.s It is damn hot down here !!..

[HUSNAA]

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.

I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."   And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him.    
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.   So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."  
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"    
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."