Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 407773 times)

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Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #480 on: January 17, 2008, 11:12:46 AM »
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband. "
The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed,
"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription ."
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline waduz

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #481 on: January 17, 2008, 01:11:54 PM »
Kai DBN, ka karni da dariya! ;D

Offline Muhsin

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #482 on: January 17, 2008, 01:43:24 PM »
Hahahahaha!!! Kai DB, what a hillarious!  ;D :D What a prescription that woman has? hmm
Get to know [and remember] Allah in prosperity & He will know  [and remember] you in adversity.

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #483 on: January 18, 2008, 01:56:10 PM »
Real Quotes From Court

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son -- the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, ''Where am I, Cathy?''
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your atorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline ummutameem

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #484 on: January 18, 2008, 02:46:17 PM »
u guys crack me up! here is one about a marital cheat

a guy walked into a diner, went to d bar and ordered a beer

certainly, d barman answered, that ll b one cent

one cent? d man exclaimed. he glanced at d menu n asked how much for a nice juicy steak n a bottle of wine?

a nickel, d barman replied, a nickel d man exclaimed, where is d guy who owns this place?

the barman replied, upstairs with my wife,

what is he doing upstairs with ur wife?, asked d man

d barman replied, the same thing im doing to his business down here

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #485 on: January 18, 2008, 08:28:09 PM »
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband. "
The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed,
"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription ."

Dumb dumb and jaded..... ::) not funny at all.

UmmuT that was very funny!
Muda your jokes take the day's prize! ;D
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #486 on: January 18, 2008, 08:39:49 PM »
You are in conflict with your son lol
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #487 on: January 19, 2008, 12:51:42 PM »
Real Quotes From Court

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy


That is my favourite Husnaa.
Felt like dying out of laughter...lol
Some people are simply insane you know that!
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline Muhsin

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #488 on: January 19, 2008, 05:07:55 PM »
You are in conflict with your son lol

Wa kuma?
Get to know [and remember] Allah in prosperity & He will know  [and remember] you in adversity.

Offline ajingi

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #489 on: January 21, 2008, 08:27:17 AM »
One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "A hundred pounds," the dentist says. "That's ridiculous," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist says, "if I don't use anaesthetic, I can knock it down to 50." "That's still too expensive," the man says. "OK," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging 20" I suppose I could charge you just 10..." "Marvellous," says the man. "Book my wife for next Tuesday!"
I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.

Offline waduz

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #490 on: January 21, 2008, 09:01:33 AM »
Wanzami ne yana cikin yi wa bafillace aski, sai ya yi tusa mai warin gaske:

Bafillatani:  Kai, wannan iska da wari ta ke!

Wanzami:    Ai iskar bazara ce......

Bafillatani:  Iskar bazara??? Caf! asha bana za a yi ruwan kashi! ;D

Offline EMTL

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #491 on: January 21, 2008, 10:06:46 AM »
Assalamu alaikum,
Naji wannan labarin:

Wani Bagobiri ne yaje kasuwar Hadeja da Birinsa yana wasa, sai yace ma Birin ' Kayi mani tagumin Bahadeje lokacin da yaji anyi sanarwa sababbin Jihohi amma ba'a ba hadeja Jiha ba'.

Me kake tsammani ya faru da birin da mai gidansa....?
In the Affairs of People Fear Allah (SWT). In the Matters Relating to Allah (SWT) Do not be Afraid of Anybody. Ibn Katthab (RA).

Offline Muhsin

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #492 on: January 21, 2008, 10:29:25 AM »
LOL ;D
Get to know [and remember] Allah in prosperity & He will know  [and remember] you in adversity.

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #493 on: January 21, 2008, 12:22:11 PM »
LOL

You guys go kill pessin wit laffter.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline waduz

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #494 on: January 22, 2008, 09:53:41 AM »
EMTL, ina jin dai birin ya tsere da kyar da tsalle tsalle. Amma fa maishi daalamar ba zai kai ba............an yi koli koli da shi!

 


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