Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 407792 times)

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Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #780 on: January 11, 2010, 10:10:09 AM »
God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.

God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and
you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.

God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey
answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.

Finally God created man...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish ................................................................

And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,

marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

Tankurunkus, wanda yaji tsoro a kansa.
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline maikyau

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #781 on: January 11, 2010, 11:43:04 AM »
DB,
Wannan labari naka haka yake.

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #782 on: January 12, 2010, 04:46:14 PM »
God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.

God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and
you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.

God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey
answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.

Finally God created man...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish ................................................................

And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,

marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

Tankurunkus, wanda yaji tsoro a kansa.


I feel sorry for man. For me. It's not funny, because that's the fact of life.

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #783 on: January 13, 2010, 03:21:41 PM »
‪‪THE CASH MACHINE

A new sign in a Bank Lobby reads: Please note that this Bank had recently installed new Drive-through Cash machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. After months of careful study, the following MALE & FEMALE behavior/prodedure have been observed.


MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.2. Put down your car window.3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.6. Put window up.7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.3. Apply handbrake, put the window down.4. Find handbag; remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.6. Attempt to insert card into machine.7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.8. Insert card.9. Re-insert card the right way.10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.11. Enter PIN.12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.13. Enter amount of cash required.14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.15. Retrieve cash and receipt..16. Empty handbag again to locate purseand place cash inside.17. Write debit amount in debit note bookand place receipt in back of note book.18. Re-check makeup.19. Drive forward 2 feet.20. Reverse back to cash machine.21. Retrieve card.22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided! 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.25. Redial person on cell phone.26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.27. Release handbrake.


Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #784 on: January 14, 2010, 10:07:56 AM »
lol women wahala
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #785 on: January 20, 2010, 01:52:38 PM »
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #786 on: January 20, 2010, 11:02:43 PM »
LOL,
Nice and wise answer.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #787 on: January 21, 2010, 12:58:02 AM »
Higher IQ on display LOL
IHS

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #788 on: February 03, 2010, 04:57:40 PM »
3 parents were with their 11 year old kids so they asked them 'what do you want to be when u grow up'?
The first said 'I want to be a lawyer like my daddy. The father was proud.
The second said 'I want to be a policeman when i grow up so people will give me money on the road'.The third father shook his head and said very poor training.
When it was the third sons turn, he said; 'I want to be a .... I want to be a ....hmn how person go carry grow wen him never chop sef'.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #789 on: February 04, 2010, 02:50:25 PM »
Shi yaron ba'a bashi abinci ne a gida?

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #790 on: February 04, 2010, 04:58:30 PM »
LOL
IHS

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #791 on: February 08, 2010, 07:24:56 PM »
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started
maigemu

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #792 on: February 09, 2010, 12:23:49 PM »
Oh my!
Taken unawares.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline maikyau

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #793 on: February 09, 2010, 02:53:15 PM »
Labarin wasu uztazai guda biyu suka hadu da yan fashi a hanya.Akace kowa ya kawo kudi suka ce basu da kudi saboda waazi zasu sai aka tambayi sunansu daya yace UZTAZ SHIEK MUHAMMAD ALMANSUR KANAWIYYU BATAGARAWA sai ogan yan fasin yace a rubuta masa sunansa da wuka,da aka tambayi dayan sunansa sai yace YA'U

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #794 on: February 09, 2010, 05:08:22 PM »
LOL,hahahaha

Ni kuma na taba jin wani version din story din that shi gayen sunan shi Ikechukwu charles Augustine amman da aka tambaye shi sai ya ce sunan shi IK sai aka ce a rubuta mai. Ana cikin rubuta mai da reza sai ID card din shi ya fado sai suka ga full name din, sai ogan yace a yi cancelling (yadda ake cancelling rubutu da biro) a rubuta mai full name.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

 


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