WHY DO YOU THINK GIRLS RESERVES THEIR AFFECTION?

[Muhsin]

Although all that's to be said have already been yet I find it of little significance to say a bit more on the topic which is being a topic of hot debate for ages among ladies and guys.
Let me first of all recommend one expression that attract me most, though there are other meaningful ones but this one, I can say, is the most well said one TO ME. Good!

Sometime is just fear of rejection, that will really break a woman into pieces..                 

Eventually, from the responses, I learnt some potion is missed unintentionally or rather unnoticed. And this is the fact that even some men find it very heavy and difficult to express their inner feelings to ladies. Don't urge because I myself (embrassed :-[) have once undergone such situation. Why? I don't know why. That is why, in my unpublished novel (A Weird Hope) I describe the word love as the most difficult to pronounce by all mouths and I mean it. I have never, though am never been in love, ever pronounce it notwithstanding the fact am rational not irrational, understand this Xpression?

Lots actually needs to be said but unfortunately time won't let. Any way, wish am on the line.

Thanks.

[Nuruddeen]

Although all that's to be said have already been yet I find it of little significance to say a bit more on the topic which is being a topic of hot debate for ages among ladies and guys.
Let me first of all recommend one expression that attract me most, though there are other meaningful ones but this one, I can say, is the most well said one TO ME. Good!

Sometime is just fear of rejection, that will really break a woman into pieces..                 

Eventually, from the responses, I learnt some potion is missed unintentionally or rather unnoticed. And this is the fact that even some men find it very heavy and difficult to express their inner feelings to ladies. Don't urge because I myself (embrassed :-[) have once undergone such situation. Why? I don't know why. That is why, in my unpublished novel (A Weird Hope) I describe the word love as the most difficult to pronounce by all mouths and I mean it. I have never, though am never been in love, ever pronounce it notwithstanding the fact am rational not irrational, understand this Xpression?

Lots actually needs to be said but unfortunately time won't let. Any way, wish am on the line.

Thanks.

Mallam Muhsin I think there is nothing difficult in describing the word LOVE. Literally, it is considerd as affection, care or concern shown to anybody. But this definition seems to me, too vague and falls short of conveying the real meaning of the word under discussion. I said it times without number that this word LOVE does not exist. If a lady for instance happens to fall in love with a guy, what she is interested in him are certain qualities such as talent, skill, brilliance, wealth and/or materialism. There must be a quality in him that she identifies,which lures her into falling in the so-called LOVE. But I know many people have different perception and understanding of the word. A typical case of this was a scenario and an unfortunate incidence that happened to a very good friend of mine. He got married to a lady when he was working in NNPC. The girl pretended as if he was the only person that she loves in the world. But as destiny would have it,my friend was sacked from the oil company. By the time she realised that his money has started going down, she developed absolute hatred for him. What a balderdash Muhsin! So in this case, the girl loved him bcs of his dough but not bos of who he is-MATERIALISM.I will subsequently furnish u with the things women do these days but with due apology to our learned ladies in this forum.

[HUSNAA]

Salam.
      I think it has to do with culture and tradition...and maybe a little bit of being  ladylike,which of course is what is expected of a woman in our culture after all if we keep religion aside,like assuming there was no Islam in the north,the tradition and culture of a Hausa man does not really give much breathing space to a woman.If for instance a girl should ask a man out,he will begin to wonder why(maybe ba mai santa or maybe yer iska ce)because it is soooo unusual for the Hausa people.Women of other tribes do ask a man out.     The three things a Hausa woman might do are:
1.  Tell him to his face about her feelings(if she is more exposed or if the man is more exposed)
2.  Show him how much she cares by other means but indirectly.She will do what ever she can to make him approach her without him or anyone realizing that she actually led the way.
3.  Or she could decide not to do any of the above and keep her secrete to her self.now that is very painful but she will do it anyway for reasons best known to her.     Most Hausa women will do the last two

From all indications, this bee is a queen bee not a drone!! welcome aboard sister!

Besides i do think the thing has a lot to do with genetic makeup. Ladies have that ability to tolerate and persevere. A man that loves a lady will never put the white flag up until he achieves his aim or loses out completely. A lady can stay her whole life loving you without you ever knowing. She can as well stay with you her whole life without you knowing she doesnt love you.

kai! i think it is possible for a woman to stay her whole life loving a person and his never knowing it. But I cant quite agree that she can stay with a person her whole life while detesting him and he not being aware of it. Its simply not possible. it cant happen and it doesnt happen.  Once a woman detests a man, she feels like a caged bird that wants to fly for freedom!.... GEE.......... simply impossible not to show her aversion..brrrrrrrrr...

And this is the fact that even some men find it very heavy and difficult to express their inner feelings to ladies. Don't urge because I myself (embrassed :-[) have once undergone such situation. Why? I don't know why. T

Muhsin, u are correct. Its not only men who find it difficult to express that inexpressible word. Yes I know what u mean. Unless its really from the heart, its difficult to utter that word to any person in the world... except one's kids of course, but that is a totally different kind of love.

[Bee]

     Oh thanks so much Husnaa.You are about the only person who realizes i am a woman!

[HUSNAA]

lol u are very welcome.. looking forward to great contributions from u!!

[Muhsin]

color=blue]Mallam Muhsin I think there is nothing difficult in describing the word LOVE. Literally, it is considerd as affection, care or concern shown to anybody. But this definition seems to me, too vague and falls short of conveying the real meaning of the word under discussion.

Malam Nurudden, I don't think the main gist of my words because I wasn't saying it's non-descipt word but am saying it's really hard and hard to easily be uttered.

/quote]

I really does. And this is apparent, isn't it?

[quote author=HUSNAA link=topic=3388.msg33521#msg33521
Muhsin, u are correct. Its not only men who find it difficult to express that inexpressible word. Yes I know what u mean. Unless its really from the heart, its difficult to utter that word to any person in the world... except one's kids of course, but that is a totally different kind of love.

Haka yake!

[Bayya]

Salam.
      I think it has to do with culture and tradition...and maybe a little bit of being  ladylike,which of course is what is expected of a woman in our culture after all if we keep religion aside,like assuming there was no Islam in the north,the tradition and culture of a Hausa man does not really give much breathing space to a woman.If for instance a girl should ask a man out,he will begin to wonder why(maybe ba mai santa or maybe yer iska ce)because it is soooo unusual for the Hausa people.Women of other tribes do ask a man out.
     The three things a Hausa woman might do are:
1.  Tell him to his face about her feelings(if she is more exposed or if the man is more exposed)
2.  Show him how much she cares by other means but indirectly.She will do what ever she can to make him approach her without him or anyone realizing that she actually led the way.
3.  Or she could decide not to do any of the above and keep her secrete to her self.now that is very painful but she will do it anyway for reasons best known to her.
     Most Hausa women will do the last two

Well said. Amma abin ya fara canzawa fa, may be saboda zamani, ko boko.
Anyway, I'd rather the first one. Ba noke noke.

[dan kauye]

In search of a missing rib?!?!?! Dude,please.Lay off that fantasy,for your heart's sake.Unless,of course,your perfect little world's override reality.

*Dead*

Love is wayyyyy overrated anyway..

I'm strongly not of the opinion that bottling up one's feelings is strongly related to a sense of man/womanhood or pride!!! I mean ,seriously,woudn't life wudda been a lot easier if people(women especially) express how they feel? Since when was a coal the new beige?  On a second thought though,I think it may have alot to do with a  cultural context.I think the Hausa culture,which's to large degree derived from Arabic culture,really exagerrates feminity.And the firmly rigid nature of the culture in question means that gender roles are strictly pronounced,thereby strenghtening the stereotypical social conditioning associated with either gender.I say,if you like him go for him.Ain't nothing wrong that.Nothing ,hun!

[dan kauye]

Salam.
      I think it has to do with culture and tradition...and maybe a little bit of being  ladylike,which of course is what is expected of a woman in our culture after all if we keep religion aside,like assuming there was no Islam in the north,the tradition and culture of a Hausa man does not really give much breathing space to a woman.If for instance a girl should ask a man out,he will begin to wonder why(maybe ba mai santa or maybe yer iska ce)because it is soooo unusual for the Hausa people.Women of other tribes do ask a man out.
     The three things a Hausa woman might do are:
1.  Tell him to his face about her feelings(if she is more exposed or if the man is more exposed)
2.  Show him how much she cares by other means but indirectly.She will do what ever she can to make him approach her without him or anyone realizing that she actually led the way.
3.  Or she could decide not to do any of the above and keep her secrete to her self.now that is very painful but she will do it anyway for reasons best known to her.
     Most Hausa women will do the last two

Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fateez]

Like for example, she could get some old women (who are known to have some licence for saying their minds due to the greatness of their ages and no one would misinterprete or misrepresent their meanings) to make subtle suggestions to the man.. like if he is looking for a marriage partner, has he considered the daughters of wane kaza... especially wance kaza? At the very least, the next time he sees the girl, he will pay some attention to her. It is up to her to take advantage of that attention with good manners and good behavior.. who knows? He might find he is interested and didnt really consider it, or he might find that the girl is really good looking and he never really looked...
That is just one way.. and it is a halal way as well.

You know this old lady thing could actually work but (and a huge BUT); It could backfire as well.

Case 1

Especially in families like mine that Auren Gida is preferred, I can imagine

a girl going to maybe her granny or an old woman who has standing to do

such for her and she may get the response:

"Ke in ban da abinki, ba ga dan gidan kawun ki ba shima yana nema? Me wancan

ya fi shi? Ya fi shi kyau ne ko ya fi shi wayewa. Ki manta da shi mana ga dan uwan

ki nan. Kin ga tuwo na mai na. Zan turo mi ki shi an jima." Typical. That's how they'd

push you to someone else and before you know it you'd end up with the wrong person.

If you try to wriggle out they'd tell you "kin fi san bare fiya da dan uwa?" if you still

persist they may even cut ties with your parents. So the poor girl, in the interest of

keeping her family united and not being the cause of a conflict between her parents and

the entire extended family, will agree and probably be miserable for a loooooong time!


Case 2

You know how old ladies always sit together a tsakar gida ko kuma ana daka suna hira

da surutu. eh hen, idan dai hira ta yi dadi the person you tell can accidently let it slip

and depending on who you tell it can be misinterpreted and taken for what it isn't.

Little talk like "Ita dai ta shiga uku. Yanzu ta zama kwantai tana rokon a hada ta da dan

gidan wane". And then the whole issue about "ba ta da kunya" and "Ai yar bariki ce, ina

ta san tarbiyya?" will arise.



Of Course these may not happen but I'm just saying one should be wary that these are

possibilities that may arise if (and only if) it backfires

[Fateez]

From the proceedings of an earlier topic "in search for the missing Ribs", i can still see that Girls always reserves their affections. They mostly cant approach a Guy when they have feelings for Him, even at the expense of their lives. I was once visibly moved and shaken when one of sisters collapsed after she learnt of one of our cousins' marriage plans. Unknown to all of us she was deeply but secretly in love with him, but alas! neither he knows of that nor she made him to know. To my utter suprise, that girl is one of the Brillient and wise children of my Dad. Why shouldnt the forum and the society at large lunch a rigorous and vehement campaign to encourage girls into expressing their feelings when the need arise. :'(

You see people have different reasons for not being upfront. My reason for this

would be not only be about the whole "girls should be modest" thing but also

because I most certainly dont want to be feeding the man's ego. So you tell the

person that you have feelings for him, his head swells bigger than a kabewa and

he goes to his friends and brags about how you are crazy over him, how his social

status has risen and how he can even choose which girl he wants because he is

oh so irresistable  *rolls eyes* (Not that I would fall for anyone as immature as that

but I'm just saying). I know not every man is like that but hey, I dont want to risk it.

If, God forbid, the girl falls for a man that happens to be pervert he may even take

advantage of her. I can imagine after this people will tell her "ba ke kika ce kina son

shi ba? Wai ke kin waye ko? ai ga maganin ki nan". Also, there is a possibility that

assuming they end up together and they have a misunderstanding the man can decide

to make her life miserable by justify his wrongdoings by saying "Dama ba ni na ce ina

son ki ba, ke ki ka ce kina so na".

______________________________

People that are saying girls should be more open, why do you say so? To make your job

easier as a man, is it? Well I'm of the opinion that if the men want the girls to be more

open then they themselves have to cut the girls a little more slack. If the motive for

wanting girls to be less reserved is to make us all more like equals then you should be

ready to give the girls other rights in the household for instance; areas like decision making.

So it's a two way thing. You can't want the girls to be more open if you are still going to

make them feel less powerful than you. There can only be harmony when both parties agree

that they are going to engage in a mutual agreement where they both respect each other

equally, make decisions together and when they both hold an equal status - No more talk of

one being superior to the other. If that is not achieved, then the subject of girls being more

open is rather impractical - especially in our society, oh Northerners.

[HUSNAA]

Like for example, she could get some old women (who are known to have some licence for saying their minds due to the greatness of their ages and no one would misinterprete or misrepresent their meanings) to make subtle suggestions to the man.. like if he is looking for a marriage partner, has he considered the daughters of wane kaza... especially wance kaza? At the very least, the next time he sees the girl, he will pay some attention to her. It is up to her to take advantage of that attention with good manners and good behavior.. who knows? He might find he is interested and didnt really consider it, or he might find that the girl is really good looking and he never really looked...
That is just one way.. and it is a halal way as well.

You know this old lady thing could actually work but (and a huge BUT); It could backfire as well.

Case 1

Especially in families like mine that Auren Gida is preferred, I can imagine

a girl going to maybe her granny or an old woman who has standing to do

such for her and she may get the response:

"Ke in ban da abinki, ba ga dan gidan kawun ki ba shima yana nema? Me wancan

ya fi shi? Ya fi shi kyau ne ko ya fi shi wayewa. Ki manta da shi mana ga dan uwan

ki nan. Kin ga tuwo na mai na. Zan turo mi ki shi an jima." Typical. That's how they'd

push you to someone else and before you know it you'd end up with the wrong person.

If you try to wriggle out they'd tell you "kin fi san bare fiya da dan uwa?" if you still

persist they may even cut ties with your parents. So the poor girl, in the interest of

keeping her family united and not being the cause of a conflict between her parents and

the entire extended family, will agree and probably be miserable for a loooooong time!


Case 2

You know how old ladies always sit together a tsakar gida ko kuma ana daka suna hira

da surutu. eh hen, idan dai hira ta yi dadi the person you tell can accidently let it slip

and depending on who you tell it can be misinterpreted and taken for what it isn't.

Little talk like "Ita dai ta shiga uku. Yanzu ta zama kwantai tana rokon a hada ta da dan

gidan wane". And then the whole issue about "ba ta da kunya" and "Ai yar bariki ce, ina

ta san tarbiyya?" will arise.



Of Course these may not happen but I'm just saying one should be wary that these are

possibilities that may arise if (and only if) it backfires

Fateez! where una day go hide dis long time?? wuna too welcome fa!!
OK to get back to biznes
OK if ur house dem too like auren couzins, then make una no gist di tin to ur granmama. find one old woman whom u know is not affiliated to the family, but is friendly with yr family. At least she go go carry message kuku hopefully. Secondly yes there is always that slip of the tongue issue, especially in hira tayi dadi. But hey! would you let that stand in the way of getting yr heart's desire? think about it. If akayi maganar and one calls u a maras kunya, its only for the moment and the meantime. Once u have achieved yr heart's desire (ie the man), he is for KEEPS remember! FOREVER! You will be together long after an manta da zancen ma! Kuma if the aure is very successful, there will be pride on the part of the little old lady who agreed to the little contrivance. In fact the way the old folks are, she will forget that she wasnt the initiator and swear that she had felt the inevitability of the match in her bones like her recurrent rhuematism! hehehehe!  ;D ;D ;D
On the other hand if kika biye ma ta zancen wai rashin kunya, u will  languish in regret long after the dear old folks have departed for the nether regions and left u with ciza dan yatsa and making do with what u got left with.... ;D

[Fateez]

Fateez! where una day go hide dis long time?? wuna too welcome fa!!
OK to get back to biznes
OK if ur house dem too like auren couzins, then make una no gist di tin to ur granmama. find one old woman whom u know is not affiliated to the family, but is friendly with yr family. At least she go go carry message kuku hopefully. Secondly yes there is always that slip of the tongue issue, especially in hira tayi dadi. But hey! would you let that stand in the way of getting yr heart's desire? think about it. If akayi maganar and one calls u a maras kunya, its only for the moment and the meantime. Once u have achieved yr heart's desire (ie the man), he is for KEEPS remember! FOREVER! You will be together long after an manta da zancen ma! Kuma if the aure is very successful, there will be pride on the part of the little old lady who agreed to the little contrivance. In fact the way the old folks are, she will forget that she wasnt the initiator and swear that she had felt the inevitability of the match in her bones like her recurrent rhuematism! hehehehe!  ;D ;D ;D
On the other hand if kika biye ma ta zancen wai rashin kunya, u will  languish in regret long after the dear old folks have departed for the nether regions and left u with ciza dan yatsa and making do with what u got left with.... ;D

Heheheheehehehehehehehehe! Recurrent Rheumatism! That was funny.

I hope the girls heed to your advice becuase it may actually be a good idea.

Thank you! I have been working hard to make a living. U know say these

days life no easy. Everything just dey costly. To even manage put my pikins

for school. Anyway we thank God. U know God talk say person must suffer

before enjoyment. Ehen, na the suffer I dey suffer now. I hope say enjoyment

no too far away  8)  8)  8)  8)

[gogannaka]

Amin Fateez.

It is just natural for women to reserve their affection for a man.
Idan mace na son ka za ka gane haka idan bata so.

Does anyone here believe in telepathy?
If the affection is genuine then za ka ji a jikinka.

[jewel(abdulgee22)]

Amin Fateez.

It is just natural for women to reserve their affection for a man.
Idan mace na son ka za ka gane haka idan bata so.

Does anyone here believe in telepathy?
If the affection is genuine then za ka ji a jikinka.

  well, ggnk i am not DOCTOR LOVE, amma is not natural for girls to hide that affection, but rather they   
  capability to hide it. I can prescribe some drugs for u that can make u knw     
  TELEPATHTICALLY......................but for girls affection gaskia they r like a BALL with no sides and can   
  change. 
  anytime.