BAZAWARA/BAZAWARI ISSUES.

[waduz]

Danborno, now hear this story. You see, there was a kanuri man who bought a he-goat for slaughtering during sallah festival. He dragged the poor goat to his house while it kept on screaming as he pulled it real hard so as to get it inside. All their neighbors were watching with disbelief. His wife was so shocked and disorganized when she saw the man struggling with the he-goat and trying to bring it inside their house was her husband! And to think that all the neighbors were watching???!!!!! Shit! she could not bear it, and she packed out to her father's house. She could not bear the humiliation her husband did to her today.

Meanwhile the husband tied up the he-goat and proceeded to his wife's family house to persuade her to come back home. He met her dad and told him why his wife left the house. The father called her and warned her to accepy what her husband brought home for the festival, and not just because their neighbors bought. She accepted the words of advice from the old man. As they were about to leave for her home, the father stopped them and said, "please when you slaugher the he-goat sent the head and legs for me." The husband turned to him and answered glaringly, " If we give you the head and the legs, what will left for us?" They left. One thing is certain, the father has saved her from becoming a bazawara! Wai ita matan kam ba ta san cewa ku kanuri kun fi yanka taure akan rago ba?

[HUSNAA]

kai wannan cin mutunci!! ;D ;D ;D
DB u will take it lying down??? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Hafsy_Lady]

La, la, la. Where was I? Naga an buga dirama ba nan. ;D ;D Anga bana nan shine aka fara shiga hanchin wasu ko. Lass woni. >:( >:( Kada a sake! Husna and Ummita na kawo muku tsaraba babba. Sha, I miss show. Dis one for beta if I carry my coca-cola, pop corn and chiya siddown for one side dey watch. ;D

Dame ya fasa kanta? I said DVD?

;D. Imagine! DVD! Allah sarki Ammi. I heard what happened and I was more than shocked when told that her husband used the DVD to cause damage to her head. Gaskiya mugu ne kuma mahaukaci. Ina lefin dan remote control. Allah yasa kakan hot temper ne, it is beyound reasoning: his very violent and barbaric behaviour. >:( What if he had caused her skull fracture of a sort or even killed her? Maza! Maza! Maza! Wo ho ho! :'(

Jokes apart, Chabdijannnnnn Wai!!!!! Allah ya kyauta, Allah ya kiyaye, dani akayi wa haka mhm, mhm, mhm. The LITTLEST I will do is, ai zan tashi ne naje daki na goge jinin, abinda ka yama na First Aid, inma Iodine ne, inma TCB ne ko bandeji duk zan mammanna. Sai naje na dakko gajeren wando na, na kwama. Na dakko singileti na za saka. Na cire dankunnaye na dasu warwaro da zobe. Sai naje kitchen na debo garin yaji mai zafi irin wanda ake kira yajin tsidugu and come back into the lounge where he is standing/sitting or whatever, na debo numfashi na cika lungs dina na dage na hura ma danbanzan yajin a idanunsa. Of course zan kulle nawa fuskar, kafin ma naje gunsa. Torture lamba one kenan. Torture lamba two sannan na dakko muciya in daki banza to a motionless level. Sannan na kwashe essentials dina na tafi gidan iyayena. Af! na manta, kafin ma na tafi duk abinda ya kama daga dakwamen din gida, mota, bizines, ko profit shares dinshi duk na kwace na tafi dasu. Idan na isa gida, sai naje nayi wanka na dauki mota na tafi  wajen aikin shi. Naje na sami sakatarin office din da yake so, ai in Allah ya yarda ita da samu aiki ai har abadan abadin. Ta rabani da maigida na, ta kawo tashin hankali cikin gidana and think she will go scot free. Mhm, ai abinda zan mata ko... wai, wai, wai!!!! Ai.....abar magana kawai. Yaushe! >: >:(. Ai what I will do to her, she will never ever even raise her forehead to look at any man again. Ai ina, I am allergic to bullshit especially coming from men of idiosycracies! >:( >:(

Sannan azo ana maganar wauta ana mata basa zaman aure ko sunki bin sunna. Woman is doing good for her husband but the "mugu" is creeping outside the house with someone else. Sai azo ana cewa a'a bazawarai this and that. *hiss* Nansiyenz >:(

I know alot of situations where young girls are refusing to marry men because they were once married but have a habit of giving talak to anything that wears a skirt in their houses! 

Simple story: I have a friend, whose uncle forced her into marrying another man. It was only the wedding fatiha that took place. Yarinya da rokon Allah ta samu yancin ta, and together with other family supporters, the marriage was de-pronounced. Ko gidan mijin ba'a kaita ba. And soon some senseless, ignorant, low minded thinking men started referring to her as a bazawa.

Jare! people should smell reality jo! In majority cases the causes of married induviduals especially women is men. Men are the root of the problem and I attestate 90% of the fault of divorced women to MEN. Men are the sole perpetrators of causing women to flee from their matrimonial homes or forcefully ejecting them! Period! >:( >:( (Na hango Gogannaka da Waduz. kul! Naga kanku na fizga, karku sake ku kawomin wargi anan. Bayanin danayi dutse! E'he ;D)

[waduz]

Abin da yawa, wai mutuwa ta shiga kasuwa! Dear moderator, I will like to sincerely welcome you back. Amma ina ki ka shiga? ;D First of all, I will have to oppose what you said your reaction will be if you were the one assaulted with the dvd. Gaskiya, left to me, banga dalilin bugun mace da dvd ba, no matter what the degree of provocation was. I just cannot, and will never raise my hand on a woman. Doing that will surely be unmanly! The area of concern to me here is the way and manner in how you hafsy, will react to the scenerio if you were the one involved.
There is no doubt, that taking up arms against a violent man by a woman will be suicidal. The fact that he can do that hitting to a woman means that women to him mean nothing and he can handle you easily, and without any remorse, in the same way he handled you earlier. Amma dai kam, kisa gajeren wando da singilet kawai!! Taf di! To, in ya damke ki fa? Ko kuma ya yi sama da ke ya buga kan gado? Ai barna zaa yi! na biyu ki dauko muciya ki buge shi to the level of unconciousness? Kuma yana zaune yana kallonki, bayan kin ce shi mugu ne? Ai kafin ki je kicin ki dauko muciyan ma ya yi wuf, ya kama kafanki daya ki fadi rub da ciki ya hau kanki ya zauna yayi da kwala miki duka da naushi da mari! Kuma in har mugun da gaskene, har cizonki zai!
Amma dai kam in nine ke, I will just pack out and go home and nurse my wounds quietly. Kuma wallahi if you do that, shi da kansa zai zo biko, ko kuma ya turo abokansa. Daga nan sai ki yi ta jan zare har lokacin da yayi laushi, tukun ki koma. Amma fa karki ja zaren da karfi don kar ya yanke. In kin dawo gidan kuma sai ki bishi a hankali har ki sami kansa. Kuma komin karfin halinsa in kin bi abin a hankali, kina hadawa da addua, to kya cinma nasara. Ai zaki ma a dawa, da wayo ake kamashi ba da karfi ba. The moment kika same shi a hannunki, sai ki dinga yi masa abubuwa masu kyau wanda shi zai fahimci cewa lallai kin canza sosai kuma zai baki dukkan attention da ya kamata.
Kuma ki je ofis dinsa akan me? Ai za ki tada hankalin jamaa da yawa, shi yasa ake cewa baku aikin da hankali wani lokaci, kuma ma ai hukuma ba za ta barki ba. You will also be seen a mad and jealous woman with no manners at all. The best thing is to leave his ofis out of it, especially if you have off-springs. This to avoid exposing the kids to ridicule. Kin san cewa ko yara saannunsu ma zasu singa cewa wannan uwarsa ta je gun aikin baban to yi masifa! Saboda haka ba abin da ya fi hakuri a duniya.
A gaskiya kuma mata kuna da naku matsalolin, domin a ko yaushe namiji yana kokarinsa ya ga cewa ya wadata gidansa da komai da komai daidai karfinsa, amma ku mata sau da yawa maimakon ku dan yaba da efforts din mazanku, ba ku yi. Sai ma ku rika cewa tunda mutum ya auro ku, me ya taba yi muku! Ba abu mai ciwo irin wannan, kuma shi ya sa wassu mazaje da basu da hakuri yanzu zaka ga sun yanke matarsu da mari. Ga yawan zuwa bikin aure ko haihuwa. Ga son zuwa kasuwa yin cefane. Yawancin maza ba sa so su ji matansu ta tambayesu zuwa anguwa biki. In an hanasu, cibi ya zama kari. In an barsu kuwa basu dawowa da wuri. Shi maigida da ake biki a gidansa basu sani ba sun dameshi, kai kuma nan da ka barta ta je, ta barka da gida wayam ba kowa! Su kuma ana can ana ta surutu da nuna gold da daurin gogoro!. ;D ;D ;D
Gogannaka, karka ce komai tukun, sai na ji zurfin tekun tukun ;D

[Lawwali]

Barka da dawowa Aunty Hafsy, I hope u are not advising the femine kliners by this your post. Ai baza'a mayar da hauka da hauka ba, most especially between husband and wife. If he is unmannered, the wife should be the opposite, not following suit. And just like what Waduz said, it takes an unmannered husband to raised his hand on his wife, whatever she might have done. Abinda Hankali bai bada shi ba, rashin hankali ba zai bada shi.
Barka da dawowa once more.

[Dan-Borno]

that means the issue of reducing the high rate of divorce
(zaurawa) in our society should be left to our children yet
unborn, because there is no solution to it.  I am expecting
lady-hafsy to say, after cleaning the blood and stains, hey
husband darling, i am sorry for what i did, i will not do it
again please forgive me and lets continue, may be even
give him 3 shots to confirm that nothing is wrong between
you and him - kaico na, amma retaliation using all necessary
available forces isnt the solution.

[_Waziri_]

Okay, this is a sort of a clarification on the points raised by Ummita in her last post.

Actually it was not my intention to call for legislation that will delve into the exclusive affairs of married couples even in matters relating to choice or reasons for divorce. I think I also understand why Islam takes the kind of stand it takes on issues of married couples in relation to divorce.

But then the general complain now is the rate of divorce in our communities is high and growing higher. In fact a study says 80% of marriages among Hausa-Fulani are unstable.

While many are saying their bit about how men or women are not doing the right thing to keep their marriages, I suggested that we can think of a way as a society to curbing this problem especially when most of the divorce cases are accompanied with wild treatment of women as is observed here and elsewhere as is seen in your story (Ummita) above.

In my opinion this legislation must not look like what is obtained in the West as is hammered on claiming custody for the children. But we can have something like:

Since Allah has declared divorce as the most hated halal action on His sight, we can reflect that in our social life by constitutionally declaring divorce to be an aspect of corruption in our society.

We can have a constitutional provision that bans men with two or more records of divorces from aspiring  for political offices or extend to a higher level, level 14, in the public service. Companies and banks can be made to take that into consideration in accessing the Profiles of applicants.

This I believe will help greatly in helping men to live up to their responsibility and will make them exercise caution in the way they treat their wives. In short it will definitely help in reducing the rate of divorce in our communities as much raise our conciousness to meeting moral obligations in other sections of our life. Just as Ribadu EFCC reduced the rate of financial corruption in Nigeria.

I also think there should be legal provisions that cater for the welfare of a divorced woman in relation to her rights on her former husband which are explicitly made clear in our religion. Then there should be something that must be done against those type of men as magnified in Ummita's story.

But then I think the issues I put here are suppose to be for all of us to reflect and think of other ways we can suggest that our society may progress as we try to balance it between our needs and the requirements of Allah on us. I would want to us to do something reasonable even if it is not something that I put up. But we have to think and come up with something practical.

Finally, the issues of increasing number of Zawarawa in our society is truly a problem that can be traced mostly to men. So we have to come up to protect us from us for no man is at peace living with his daughter unmarried or married but divorced.

Nothing further evidenced that claim than a sincere discussion with a man or woman who has a lady or ladies of marriageable age living with them.

My friend recently went to Abuja seeking to change his job with a newly sworn in minister who happens to be his uncle. He met one man in the ministers office and they got talking. In the cause of their discussion the man said to my friend's hearing that his daughter graduated and he would only marry her off. This not because the discussion necessitated that. And at another interval the man repeated that until about four times before they parted ways.

Well, I know definitely the man's daughter will finally get married but come to think of it if this man's daughter will be divorced after a year of getting married throwing him into the pit and circle of searching once again.

Yes, this is what is happening to every parent in our society at a rate that circles around 80% percent!

We need to do something!

Waziri

[HUSNAA]

In my opinion this legislation must not look like what is obtained in the West as is hammered on claiming custody for the children. But we can have something like:

Since Allah has declared divorce as the most hated halal action on His sight, we can reflect that in our social life by constitutionally declaring divorce to be an aspect of corruption in our society.

I dont agree with you Waziri. Allah SWT made divorce halal even though its abhoring in HIS SIGHT, but still HE legalized it. So why should we ban it by making it taboo? Mun fi Allah Sani ne? Ai za kuma mu saba maSa in munyi haka. Hikimar Allah ce ke aiki anan. In countries like India in the past, where divorce was not an option, the wives were murdered so that the man could remarry. Haka ma in catholic societies of the past, although they didnt resort to murder, but all sorts of misery resulted. In namiji yana cin zalin matarsa, then its best in sun rabu, because in babu provision for rabuwa, one day he will murder her.

We can have a constitutional provision that bans men with two or more records of divorces from aspiring  for political offices or extend to a higher level, level 14, in the public service. Companies and banks can be made to take that into consideration in accessing the Profiles of applicants.[/b]

So what percentage of the population would that work on? maybe 5% or less?  90% of Nigerians will never hold political office. You know that!!! Bayan haka, just about two million ppl work for the govt as civil servants. The rest are either self employed, in the private sector or unemployed, so that wont work either. Besides supposing it does happen and the constitution decides to ban men with two or more divorce records: then it comes down to the question of who should cast the first stone, since if the divorce rate is that high, with too many zawarori, then since we are not into same sex marriages, it means that the same men who will implement or impose the sanctions on divorced men would have to start with themselves ko ba haka ba since some of them must be divorced, statistically speaking. And supposing they didnt start with themselves, well at least they'd have a lot of empathy for the men whom they will penalize simply becos some of them must  have been in the same situation as those divorced men or can imagine themselves as divorced or are contemplating it.

My friend recently went to Abuja seeking to change his job with a newly sworn in minister who happens to be his uncle. He met one man in the ministers office and they got talking. In the cause of their discussion the man said to my friend's hearing that his daughter graduated and he would only marry her off. This not because the discussion necessitated that. And at another interval the man repeated that until about four times before they parted ways.

Lol your friend is either very obtuse or ya iya kunnen uwar shegu!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D. The man was OFFERING your friend his daughter  for marriage for the love of God!! Ko bai gane bane eh? ;D ;D ;D ;D












[/quote]

[HUSNAA]

Amma dai kam in nine ke, I will just pack out and go home and nurse my wounds quietly. Kuma wallahi if you do that, shi da kansa zai zo biko, ko kuma ya turo abokansa. Daga nan sai ki yi ta jan zare har lokacin da yayi laushi, tukun ki koma. Amma fa karki ja zaren da karfi don kar ya yanke.

In kin dawo gidan kuma sai ki bishi a hankali har ki sami kansa. Kuma komin karfin halinsa in kin bi abin a hankali, kina hadawa da addua, to kya cinma nasara.

Ikon Allah!! Mutum ya nakasa matarsa sabo da wata banza a waje. Ko ya kai ta asibiti ma yakasa. Badan Ummita na gidan ba takira 'yan uwar yarinyar, wayasan abun da zai faru da ita, lying there helpless? Still amma you advocate going back to the monster, saboda yazo biko!!! >:( Wai dan lele ne shi ko dan autan maza da baza a iya zaman duniya babu shi ba?
Na biyu kuma in ta koma gidan, maimakon shine ya kamata ya ja hankalinta da rarrashi dan ta saki jiki dashi ta yafe mishi, wai itace za ta bishi a hankali!!!!!!!!!! ( I shake my head ooo!!) If  not to say na  myself I sabi vex, I fit kick this laptop of mine don haushin abinda ka rubuta, Waduz >:( >:( >:( >:(

The moment kika same shi a hannunki, sai ki dinga yi masa abubuwa masu kyau wanda shi zai fahimci cewa lallai kin canza sosai kuma zai baki dukkan attention da ya kamata.

Shi kuma fa, ya cigaba da iskan cin sa ko? Wai Waduz didnt you read the post Ummita put up ne? THE GIRL WAS BATTERED FOR NO FAULT OF HER OWN!! MIJIN TA YA JE YAYI YAWACE YAWACEN SA, AN SAMISHI GADAGI (THAT CONCOCTION DA 'YAN ACABA SU KE SHA) YA KUSA KASHE MATAR SA, AND U ARE SAYING SAI TA YI MASA ABUBUWA MASU KYAU? WAI TSAYA! KU MAZA BA KWA LALLABA MATAYEN KU KO? BAKUSAN CEWA ANAYI BA KO? ITS NOT A ONE WAY STREET U KNOW! KO THREAT OF KISHIYA CE TA SA U THINK THAT WOMEN CAN TAKE ALL SORTS OF NONSENSES FROM MEN?
HABA!! i CAN ASSURE YOU, DUK NAMIJIN DA YAYI WA MATAR SA ABIN DA WANNAN DAN TAHALIKIN YAYI WA TASA, I DOUBT ANY LOVE WILL REMAIN IN HER FOR HIM. HABA HABA HABA!!!! SUCH SELFISHNESS!!!!

Kana maganar matsalolin mata. To akwai wacce mijin ta kullum in yayi tafiya baya barmata kudin cefane. Sai ya share wata biyu baya gari, amma a haka a cikin albashin ta za ta ciyar da yara ta je tayi monthly shopping, pay transportation for kids to go to school, pay for car petrol etc. By the time ya aiko mata kudi, ta kashe three times the amount, and dont think it was luxury goods take saya. Basic necessities ne kurum. Sometimes kuma in yana gari ma, sai dai ya zo ya tarar tagama abincin ko na rana ko na dare. Da yake ma aikaciya ce, ta hayi mai aiki tana taya ta girke girke in ta tafi wurin aiki. Haka maigidan zai kwaso abokanai azo aci abinci ba ko kwabon sa aciki. Kai wani sa'in ma, take fada, in yazo ya tarar ba aiyi abincin ba, sai yace zai kama hayaniya, ba kuma sisin kwabon sa aciki. Wataran dai da abin ya ishe ta, zai mata hayaniya, sai ta juya ta tari numfashin sa ta kare masa tas a wurin!!! To tell me if she was wrong to do it!! zuciya ai bata da kashi!!!! >:(

[Lawwali]

Amma dai kam in nine ke, I will just pack out and go home and nurse my wounds quietly. Kuma wallahi if you do that, shi da kansa zai zo biko, ko kuma ya turo abokansa. Daga nan sai ki yi ta jan zare har lokacin da yayi laushi, tukun ki koma. Amma fa karki ja zaren da karfi don kar ya yanke.

In kin dawo gidan kuma sai ki bishi a hankali har ki sami kansa. Kuma komin karfin halinsa in kin bi abin a hankali, kina hadawa da addua, to kya cinma nasara.

Ikon Allah!! Mutum ya nakasa matarsa sabo da wata banza a waje. Ko ya kai ta asibiti ma yakasa. Badan Ummita na gidan ba takira 'yan uwar yarinyar, wayasan abun da zai faru da ita, lying there helpless? Still amma you advocate going back to the monster, saboda yazo biko!!! >:( Wai dan lele ne shi ko dan autan maza da baza a iya zaman duniya babu shi ba?
Na biyu kuma in ta koma gidan, maimakon shine ya kamata ya ja hankalinta da rarrashi dan ta saki jiki dashi ta yafe mishi, wai itace za ta bishi a hankali!!!!!!!!!! ( I shake my head ooo!!) If  not to say na  myself I sabi vex, I fit kick this laptop of mine don haushin abinda ka rubuta, Waduz >:( >:( >:( >:(

To Husnaa, Rashin irin yin kakan ne yasa muke ta dambarwa akan wannan thread ai. If she tried that he change and realize his mistakes. may be he just Nade tabarmar kunya da hauka shi yasa ya buge ta da DVD.

The moment kika same shi a hannunki, sai ki dinga yi masa abubuwa masu kyau wanda shi zai fahimci cewa lallai kin canza sosai kuma zai baki dukkan attention da ya kamata.

Shi kuma fa, ya cigaba da iskan cin sa ko? Wai Waduz didnt you read the post Ummita put up ne? THE GIRL WAS BATTERED FOR NO FAULT OF HER OWN!! MIJIN TA YA JE YAYI YAWACE YAWACEN SA, AN SAMISHI GADAGI (THAT CONCOCTION DA 'YAN ACABA SU KE SHA) YA KUSA KASHE MATAR SA, AND U ARE SAYING SAI TA YI MASA ABUBUWA MASU KYAU? WAI TSAYA! KU MAZA BA KWA LALLABA MATAYEN KU KO? BAKUSAN CEWA ANAYI BA KO? ITS NOT A ONE WAY STREET U KNOW! KO THREAT OF KISHIYA CE TA SA U THINK THAT WOMEN CAN TAKE ALL SORTS OF NONSENSES FROM MEN?
HABA!! i CAN ASSURE YOU, DUK NAMIJIN DA YAYI WA MATAR SA ABIN DA WANNAN DAN TAHALIKIN YAYI WA TASA, I DOUBT ANY LOVE WILL REMAIN IN HER FOR HIM. HABA HABA HABA!!!! SUCH SELFISHNESS!!!!

Lallai kam akwai selfishness a ciki amma Hakan zai iya kawo changi.

Kana maganar matsalolin mata. To akwai wacce mijin ta kullum in yayi tafiya baya barmata kudin cefane. Sai ya share wata biyu baya gari, amma a haka a cikin albashin ta za ta ciyar da yara ta je tayi monthly shopping, pay transportation for kids to go to school, pay for car petrol etc. By the time ya aiko mata kudi, ta kashe three times the amount, and dont think it was luxury goods take saya. Basic necessities ne kurum. Sometimes kuma in yana gari ma, sai dai ya zo ya tarar tagama abincin ko na rana ko na dare. Da yake ma aikaciya ce, ta hayi mai aiki tana taya ta girke girke in ta tafi wurin aiki. Haka maigidan zai kwaso abokanai azo aci abinci ba ko kwabon sa aciki. Kai wani sa'in ma, take fada, in yazo ya tarar ba aiyi abincin ba, sai yace zai kama hayaniya, ba kuma sisin kwabon sa aciki. Wataran dai da abin ya ishe ta, zai mata hayaniya, sai ta juya ta tari numfashin sa ta kare masa tas a wurin!!! To tell me if she was wrong to do it!! zuciya ai bata da kashi!!!! >:(

You are very right, i know of many Husband that do not take care no matter how little off their wives/wife whether they travelled or are around. They will go and eat all sort of rudimentary delicacies at the expense of their wife/wives. Sometimes the children were taken care of by their mothers. Wannan dai kam sai an hada karfi da karfe wurin gyaran wannan al'umma tamu. amma abin is getting worst. On my part i resolved to be very selective when it comes to approving a Husband for my sister or Daughter, (Because; at the end of the my family will at the receivingg end of their marriage fallout) sannan kuma muyi ta addu'a. Sometimes i give fault to the Girls and their parents for not being extra careful when selecting a life partner. Why should one base His choice of a life partner materially. Bahaushe yace Duk wanda ya hau Jirgin kwadayi, zai sauka a tashar wulakanchi. ALLAH ya sa mudace.

[HUSNAA]

Lawwali, just like Waduz, you are missing the point when u say sai ta canza ta rika lallabar sa. In the original story, there was no where in da akace tana yi mashi rashin kunya ko rashin biyayya da yasa ya zama mahaukaci har ya jefe ta da video console.  To mai kuke so tayi? ta zama tabarmar takawa?. Ta zama baiwa, sai yadda akai da ita? What do you want her to be to an unreasonable husband? It BEATS me why it should have to be the victim who has to do the taka tsantsan, don a zauna lafiya, ko? So she doesnt get battered again and again! To ashe then auren ma bai hallatta in dai miji zai zama mai rauna ta matar sa, kuma kullum tana cikin fargabar abin da zai faru. Gara a raba kowa ya kama gabansa. Ai Annabi ma ya bada level of punitive measures a man can exercise on his wife, he never mentioned battery!!
Did you know in namiji ya mari matar sa, sai ya bata diyya according to some sch of thoughts?
Whats the point of living with an abusve husband? Aure is supposed to be a harmonious affair. You are supposed to be happy and feel emotionally secure. If you cant have these in a marriage whats its point, especially if a woman is not financially tied to the man?
The only reason why she could go back is if she loves him (the more fool she, if she does) otherwise best to live in peace away from abuse. Mata might be a dime a dozen, amma ai ana sake aure bi iznillah, especially if u dont set impossible goals on yrself.

[Dan-Borno]

hey hey ladies and gentlemen of this great forum, if i am not
mistaken and to refresh our minds to the motive of this thread
is our concern over the incessant series of divorce in our midst
and our resolve to find a solution to its continous destruction of
our family strucuture?

this house has rigorously and paintakingly analysed the major
problems that brings forth this monster called 'divorce' even thou
most of the problems identified are man-made and has to do
with lack of communication between two spouses - this, couples
need to sit and understand very well, while understanding each
others right.

another major problem identified which encompases almost all
the other factors is the economic reality of most married men,
especially among the unemployed youth who are not ready to
forsake love until they get job.  imagine a student at the university
(speaking from my experiece) marrying, taking responsibility of
himself and that of his wife even though he himself is under a
sponsorship from either his parent or guardian - defnitely, except
on rare cases the marriage will be frustrated due to lack of basic
necessities of either the lady or her born/unborn child.

I intend to open up a new thread next week which tries to identify
the famous and controversial 'MUT'A' marriage as practiced by
the Shi'a Sects in Iran, Iraq and some other part of the world, putting
my argument before you guys as the panacea to our problems.

until next week monday, i dont intend to see any reply or question
please.  happy eid.

[_Waziri_]

Hajiya Husnaa,

I couldn't have been ignorant of the fact that divorce is made legal by Allah. That is why I am not saying we should have it declared illegal. I am sure I am religiously informed beyond average. It is possible also that I expect too much from people I am discussing this issue with.

But any one learned in Islamic Jurisprudence would have no trouble understanding making legislation to counter a particular problem at a particular  time and space of a community.

For example, Umar(ra), at a point in time, had to enact a legislation stopping Muslim men from marrying non-Muslim women for the reason that at that particular time, their were a lot of Muslim women for marriage which if neglected in favour of non-Muslim women, they would be with nobody to marry them since they cannot marry non-Muslim men. This Umar(ra) did despite the fact that it is clearly stated in the Qur'an that Christian and Jewish women are legal for marriage for Muslims. 

But in our case we are even lucky that there is an evidence that says divorce is Makhruh   in the sight of Allah. So  we say since it is so and we are in the kind of condition we are, we can make it Makhruh in our constitution by practically imposing sanction on those who do it at certain frequency.

Anyway nobody has to agree with me necessarily but in search of the solution for our society, I suppose for one who doesn't agree with my solution to come up with another way of solving the problem. Not just condemn what I say and just leave us solutionless like that. How then do we progress? Unless if one is saying their is nothing we can do. That too is an opinion which is good to express that the discussion may build to something we may agree on.

Also the fact that one feels that a law I suggested is not all encompassing or something that can work, won't it be better if one thinks about something they feel can work and tell us, than just condemn our solution and refuse to move us forward?

Again, those among us with insight in legal theory will know that laws or legislation play on human greed, tendencies and ambitions. In that knowing that people will hope to work in formal industries or  contest elections or work as civil servants, then a law made to affect civil servants or the sections mentioned will naturally affect the behaviour of all the people in such society since the people have ambition relating to what the law covers even if they don't end up working in that section mentioned they would work to maintain the requirements.

Finally, we don't make laws governing our society just because they would favour us or serve our individual cravings. In fact no people belonging to a society make laws for their individual selves. LAWS are made against individuals and in favour of the collective.

Let it be known that, that is what I advocate either, knowing fully that I may be the first victim of the law I may help made. It is natural.

Who knows, I may be an intolerant husband that will record many divorces in my life. I am not yet tested. And if it happens am at the opposite side of the pole and I succeed in making this law then I know I'll definitely cry for it since I have ambition!


Waziri

[_Waziri_]

I am back again!

If this house will end up settling on the fact that there is nothing we can do, then I'll have no trouble living with that. I can then assume the task of consoling the Bazawarai  around me with the promise that Allah will take care of everything in the hereafter.

Yes, this is true more than oftentimes, He has shown His capacity to deliver as I believe as they must believe also as Nazim Hikmet would write:

"The most beautiful sea :
is the sea which is not reached yet.
The most beautiful child :
hasn't grown yet.
The most beautiful days of ours :
are those which we didn't live yet.
And the most beautiful words I want to tell :
are the words which I didn't tell yet..."

So let the Bazawarai not worry a bit that the best men are coming their ways! The best children and the best of times!

Yes! "It's those on journeys that see the first light of dawn". So let's move on despite the slam of time and life, lets continue to jam!


Waziri

[HUSNAA]

Hajiya Husnaa,

I couldn't have been ignorant of the fact that divorce is made legal by Allah. That is why I am not saying we should have it declared illegal. I am sure I am religiously informed beyond average. It is possible also that I expect too much from people I am discussing this issue with.

But any one learned in Islamic Jurisprudence would have no trouble understanding making legislation to counter a particular problem at a particular  time and space of a community.

For example, Umar(ra), at a point in time, had to enact a legislation stopping Muslim men from marrying non-Muslim women for the reason that at that particular time, their were a lot of Muslim women for marriage which if neglected in favour of non-Muslim women, they would be with nobody to marry them since they cannot marry non-Muslim men. This Umar(ra) did despite the fact that it is clearly stated in the Qur'an that Christian and Jewish women are legal for marriage for Muslims. 

But in our case we are even lucky that there is an evidence that says divorce is Makhruh   in the sight of Allah. So  we say since it is so and we are in the kind of condition we are, we can make it Makhruh in our constitution by practically imposing sanction on those who do it at certain frequency.

Anyway nobody has to agree with me necessarily but in search of the solution for our society, I suppose for one who doesn't agree with my solution to come up with another way of solving the problem. Not just condemn what I say and just leave us solutionless like that. How then do we progress? Unless if one is saying their is nothing we can do. That too is an opinion which is good to express that the discussion may build to something we may agree on.

Also the fact that one feels that a law I suggested is not all encompassing or something that can work, won't it be better if one thinks about something they feel can work and tell us, than just condemn our solution and refuse to move us forward?

Again, those among us with insight in legal theory will know that laws or legislation play on human greed, tendencies and ambitions. In that knowing that people will hope to work in formal industries or  contest elections or work as civil servants, then a law made to affect civil servants or the sections mentioned will naturally affect the behaviour of all the people in such society since the people have ambition relating to what the law covers even if they don't end up working in that section mentioned they would work to maintain the requirements.

Finally, we don't make laws governing our society just because they would favour us or serve our individual cravings. In fact no people belonging to a society make laws for their individual selves. LAWS are made against individuals and in favour of the collective.

Let it be known that, that is what I advocate either, knowing fully that I may be the first victim of the law I may help made. It is natural.

Who knows, I may be an intolerant husband that will record many divorces in my life. I am not yet tested. And if it happens am at the opposite side of the pole and I succeed in making this law then I know I'll definitely cry for it since I have ambition!


Waziri

Lol dont take it too personally. Someone has to disagree with you some of the time. Furthermore disagreeing with you doesnt mean that one has a ready made solution or can come up with one immediately. You have never been divorced becos u have never been married and I have never been divorced either, so maybe both of us cant come up with a solution to a problem we have yet to experience.