Make Me Laugh!

[HUSNAA]

 oh lol!!! his rolex hahahahahaha!!!!! ;D ;D ;D

[waduz]

What a joke, DBN. Ai wannan dan banza ne, ana maganan hannunsa yana maganan agogonsa? :-[

[Dan-Borno]

here is another puzzle i got, lets try it.

Using the numerals 1, 9, 9 and 6,
mathematical symbols +, -, x, :,
root and brackets create the following numbers:
29, 32, 35, 38, 70, 73, 76, 77, 100 and 1000.
All the numerals must be used in the given order (each just once) and without turning upside down.


Waduz, here i go:-

9x9-6+1 = 76
common guys, lets see how your brain works

[gogannaka]

Pass!


ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife : When I get mad at you, you
never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife : I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband : How does that help?

Wife : I use your toothbrush .

Thats all.

[Dan-Borno]

la ilaha illallahu kai amma anyi muguwan mata anan
;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D

[Muhsin]

What a hillarious, goga? ;D ;D

[bakangizo]

Pass!


ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife : When I get mad at you, you
never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife : I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband : How does that help?

Wife : I use your toothbrush .

Thats all.

;D ;D Wayyo Allah. Amma wallahi ta gama da shi :o

[Dan-Borno]

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):

Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '

Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'

Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator:         'Went away?'

Caller:              'They disappeared. '

Operator:         'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller:              'Nothing.'

Operator:         'Nothing??'

Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller:              'How do I tell?'

Operator:         'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'

Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller:              'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller:              'What's a monitor?'

Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you   
                         when it's on??'

Caller:               'I don't know.'

Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you
                          see that??'

Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'

Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller:              'Yes, it is.'

Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the
                        back of it, not just one??'

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'

Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller:               'I can't reach.'

Operator:          'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'

Caller:               'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator:          'Dark??'

Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Operator:          'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller:               'I can't.'

Operator:          'No? Why not??'

Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator:          'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
                          Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'

Caller:               'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator:          'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
                           Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller:               'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator:          'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller:               'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator:          'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!! !

[HUSNAA]

We had this one somewhere. Check previous posts.

[Muhsin]

Husnaa, kin hana DB sakat a wannan thread din, I understand... ;D ;D ;D

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

The toothbrush joke (Anger Management) reminds me of a horrible true story of something that happened near here. Close by where I live there are several holiday camps in the woods with caravans and chalets. A freind of mine came down at the weekend to find his holiday caravan had been broken into and all the food in the fridge had been eaten. There didn't seem to be any other theft and in fact his digital camera was still in the drawer. It was only when he went home to print out the photos on his digital camera that he discovered the real mischief. The burglars had taken photographs of their backsides with my friend's and his wife's toothbrushes stuck up their a****s. And they (my friend and wife) had used the toothbrushes! Ugh!

[HUSNAA]

ugg! That was ugly!!
There was a tragedy concerning toothbrushes, some yrs back in kano.. I think late 90s. One house girl with HIV aids, daily used her brush to brush the teeth of the little tots she was taking care of. Consequently, they became infected with aids. Some say it was a deliberate act.. well  only Allah Knows and herself. She ruined the lives of her employers that's for sure....

[Dan-Borno]

A Nursery 1 student in a Danfo bus from school
was reciting the days lesson at school, it went thus:

If my father is a cock and my mother a hen, I will be a chick

if my father is a lion and my mother a lioness, I will be a cob

if my father is a king and my mother a queen, I will be a prince etc, etc.

The bus driver was irritated by the boys 'noise', he shouted at the
boy asking him to shut up. But the boy continued. Then the driver
shouted; What of if your father is an 'armed robber' and your mother
an 'ashawo' (prostitute) what will you be? The boy replied;
I will be a 'Danfo Driver' "

lol

[HUSNAA]

A Nursery 1 student in a Danfo bus from school
was reciting the days lesson at school, it went thus:

If my father is a cock and my mother a hen, I will be a chick

if my father is a lion and my mother a lioness, I will be a cob

if my father is a king and my mother a queen, I will be a prince etc, etc.

The bus driver was irritated by the boys 'noise', he shouted at the
boy asking him to shut up. But the boy continued. Then the driver
shouted; What of if your father is an 'armed robber' and your mother
an 'ashawo' (prostitute) what will you be? The boy replied;
I will be a 'Danfo Driver' "

lol

That was classic DB!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

Here's a really awful joke

A woman with a glass eye was looking out of a window on the third floor when her glass eye fell out.
A surprised passing man caught it and climbed up the stairs to the woman's flat  to return it.
She invited him in, put the glass eye back in again and said " I'm so grateful. Would you like a cup of tea and some cake?"
The man agreed
When he had finished the cake the woman laid back on her couch provocactively and whispered " Would you like something else?"
He replied " I hope you don't offer this to every man you meet"
She replied " No. Only those who catch my eye!"