Make Me Laugh!

[*~MuDa~*]

Another joke about the Irish!

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

Lol...Daaaave!!

[*~MuDa~*]

I'm sure this guy married a blonde woman  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Its like we had the same thoughts there!

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

MANAGEMENT



Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.



Regards, The Management

[gogannaka]

LOL,LOL,LOL

I love the toilet part.

[*~MuDa~*]

This is very crazy joke, i couldnt help laughing, its a nice old one though, keep it up Dave!

[Rais]

Six years gal hit her eye she said" i'm patient now.
Mummy !! do you know what Im fellin to eat ?
1.TEA
2.STEW
3.AND BREAD"

[gogannaka]

Six years gal hit her eye she said" i'm patient now.
Mummy !! do you know what Im fellin to eat ?
1.TEA
2.STEW
3.AND BREAD"

Ayi mana fassara,ra'isul kanoonline.

[HUSNAA]

Six years gal hit her eye she said" i'm patient now.
Mummy !! do you know what Im fellin to eat ?
1.TEA
2.STEW
3.AND BREAD"

Ayi mana fassara,ra'isul kanoonline.

Ni ma dai from where I am viewing it the joke looks meaningless

[gogannaka]

A man comes back 2 his car & found a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'

Observer: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Observer  - If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?

[*~MuDa~*]

Very funny GNK, especially the Parking Fine one, someone just sent me these a while ago.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

[gogannaka]

LOL,Wicked.
Nice one Muda.

[gogannaka]

There's this drunk out for a walk. He comes to a river and sees another drunk on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' he shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second drunk looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,

'You ARE on the other side.'

[HUSNAA]

There's this drunk out for a walk. He comes to a river and sees another drunk on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' he shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second drunk looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,

'You ARE on the other side.'

Lol that's a good one GGNK! ;D ;D ;D ;D

[HUSNAA]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVIxF2v9lbo&feature=related

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

BITCH!

1st woman  " Hello, honey. I nearly didn't recognise you. You've put on so much weight".
2nd woman  " Well, it's been nearly twelve years - but I recognised your dress!"