Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 407819 times)

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Offline Tukurtukur

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #645 on: September 18, 2008, 06:23:17 PM »
Bauchi economics           -  you sell masa and invest the proceeds in wild life rearing.
Kano economics             -   you sell everything and invest the proceeds in everything.
Barno economics            -   you sell burabusco and invest the proceeds in  cap making.
Yola economics              -   you sell cattle and invest the proceeds in abiti.
Niger economics             -   you sell pots and invest in power.
Jigawa economics           -   you sell harawa and invest in ICT turaks.
Kaduan economics          -    you sell acha and invest in  pan.
Plateau economics          -    you sell tin and invest in biscuits.
Katsina economics           -    you dig wells and invest in fura.
Sokoto economics            -    you sell cement and invest in cow milk.
Taraba economics            -    you sell fish and invest in air.
Kebbi economics               -    you sell tourism and invest in fishing.

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #646 on: September 19, 2008, 05:33:23 PM »
Stock Market


Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for 10.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for 50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!


Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!


Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #647 on: September 19, 2008, 09:14:00 PM »
LOL..419
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #648 on: September 22, 2008, 03:50:01 AM »
A young Jamaican father-to-be awakened the village doctor in the middle of the night saying "Doc! Doc! Come fas nuh! Is muh wife man! She water dun brek man! She bout to born de chile!" The doctor came over and told the father "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp higher nuh!" The father obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard. The father cried out: "Praise de Lard! A boy! I's de proud fadduh of A baby boy!"

The doctor again told the father, "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp highernuh man!". The father again complied, and to be sure, another cry was heard.The father excitedly proclaimed: "Is twins!! I got twins! I's doubly blessed! Glory be to God!"

The doctor instructed, "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp higher nuh!" Sure enough, a THIRD cry was heard! The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Thank ya Jesus."

The doctor repeated, "Hold de lamp higher!. Hold de lamp higher nuh man!", and a short while yet a FOURTH cry was heard. The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.

The doctor for a fifth time commanded "Hold de lamp higher man! Hold the lamp higher nuh!"
The father then asked; "Doc, yuh tink maybe is de light dat attractin' dem?"

I cant help laughing at this joke. So he has finish given birth kenan?

Stock Market


Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for 10.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for 50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!


Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!



Double moneykeys
« Last Edit: September 22, 2008, 04:01:17 AM by IBB »
IHS

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #649 on: October 09, 2008, 07:21:48 PM »
Mutua left to go help in the Crusades and
decided that his wife Mueni should wear a chastity
belt (steel underwear). So he locks her up and
gives the key to his best friend, Mogaka.  He
tells him,  "If I'm not back in four years, unlock
my wife and set her free to live a normal life."
So, Mutua leaves on horseback and about a half hour
later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits
for it to come closer and sees Mogaka..
"What's wrong?"  He asks.  Mogaka replies.
"You gave me the wrong key!"
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #650 on: October 09, 2008, 07:24:40 PM »
One young man went for an IAS Interview.
"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".
The interviewer was incensed.
"Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #651 on: October 09, 2008, 07:27:52 PM »
Mutua left to go help in the Crusades and
decided that his wife Mueni should wear a chastity
belt (steel underwear). So he locks her up and
gives the key to his best friend, Mogaka.  He
tells him,  "If I'm not back in four years, unlock
my wife and set her free to live a normal life."
So, Mutua leaves on horseback and about a half hour
later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits
for it to come closer and sees Mogaka..
"What's wrong?"  He asks.  Mogaka replies.
"You gave me the wrong key!"


Lol so has tried it?
IHS

Offline Jibo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #652 on: October 10, 2008, 12:05:58 PM »
A man was constantly harassed by his wife for staying outside late at night. He usually gave excuses and the wife would let go of he complaint. One day, te man stayed very very late. So, he walked slowly into the bedroom, being very careful not to wake up the wife. He started removing his Coat, shirt nad trousers. Suddenly, he heard, 'where is your underwear?', his wif shouted! 'I was robbed', he replied to the angry wife who had ben observing his actions ince he entred the bedroom!
A lazy youth is definitely a begging adult! Bata hankalin Dare ka yi suna!: Fas'alu ahalil zikri, inkuntum la ta'alamun!

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #653 on: October 11, 2008, 12:16:02 PM »
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #654 on: October 12, 2008, 06:10:44 AM »
A man was constantly harassed by his wife for staying outside late at night. He usually gave excuses and the wife would let go of he complaint. One day, te man stayed very very late. So, he walked slowly into the bedroom, being very careful not to wake up the wife. He started removing his Coat, shirt nad trousers. Suddenly, he heard, 'where is your underwear?', his wif shouted! 'I was robbed', he replied to the angry wife who had ben observing his actions ince he entred the bedroom!

Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Nuruddeen

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #655 on: October 12, 2008, 05:01:07 PM »
A man was constantly harassed by his wife for staying outside late at night. He usually gave excuses and the wife would let go of he complaint. One day, te man stayed very very late. So, he walked slowly into the bedroom, being very careful not to wake up the wife. He started removing his Coat, shirt nad trousers. Suddenly, he heard, 'where is your underwear?', his wif shouted! 'I was robbed', he replied to the angry wife who had ben observing his actions ince he entred the bedroom!




WHAT DO U MEAN BY THIS HUSNAA?LOL!
o try and fail is atleast to learn. That will save one the inestimable loss of what might have been (positive or negative).

Offline Jibo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #656 on: October 12, 2008, 05:39:31 PM »


Thumb Down?!
A lazy youth is definitely a begging adult! Bata hankalin Dare ka yi suna!: Fas'alu ahalil zikri, inkuntum la ta'alamun!

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #657 on: October 12, 2008, 07:42:13 PM »
A man was constantly harassed by his wife for staying outside late at night. He usually gave excuses and the wife would let go of he complaint. One day, te man stayed very very late. So, he walked slowly into the bedroom, being very careful not to wake up the wife. He started removing his Coat, shirt nad trousers. Suddenly, he heard, 'where is your underwear?', his wif shouted! 'I was robbed', he replied to the angry wife who had ben observing his actions ince he entred the bedroom!




WHAT DO U MEAN BY THIS HUSNAA?LOL!

Lol I think it is a copyright protest from the author, or from BKG!!
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Jibo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #658 on: October 12, 2008, 10:40:00 PM »
Husnaa! There is no copy right breach here! I visited the French Website or can I say spanish! But this is a story from... laughter! Para-phrased?! ;D ;D ;D
A lazy youth is definitely a begging adult! Bata hankalin Dare ka yi suna!: Fas'alu ahalil zikri, inkuntum la ta'alamun!

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #659 on: October 13, 2008, 05:24:10 AM »
Husnaa! There is no copy right breach here! I visited the French Website or can I say spanish! But this is a story from... laughter! Para-phrased?! ;D ;D ;D
I'm not talking about you! I'm talking about me.. the thumbs down sign; there were two of them. The author of the second took objection I think. One has to quote the source of the smileys or some such rubbish. It makes it really uncool though to do that.
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

 


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