BAZAWARA/BAZAWARI ISSUES.

[Lawwali]

In our continuation of the fruitful discussions on the bazawara and bazawari, or rather kotono woman and man, we all must be mindful of silly mistakes we daily make at home which ultimately, may result into very unacceptable actions that may lead to terrible consequences. We must be careful when travelling away and leaving our family in the hands of irresponsible rascals. The story I am going to narrate is about a buzu nightwatchman and his master.

BUZU: Maigida, kudin aikina fa ya karu.

MAIGIDA: To, ta ya ya?

BUZU: Bayan kayi tafiya na kwana bakwai, ni nake yi wa uwargida wanka.

Of course what follows afterwards was an irrevocable divorce handed over to the wife and the nightwatchman fire. Little wonder then, why the bazawarai and bazawaris are daily multiplying?

Assalamu alaikum,
This is sad story.
Islam forbids any Man allowing his wife, daughter, sister to be in isolation with any body that is not related to her (Muharim)- for instance a woman must not travel with ONLY Driver without third person. The hiring of houseboys, security, etc. must be done with caution. Allah (SWT) Ya kare mu tare da iyalanmu.

Ashsha!!!!!,
Really as uncle EMTL aserted, iisolation is not allowed between unrelated man and woman, But the most important thing is to fear ALLAH, instill the fear of ALLAH in the mind set of our family such that they will not engage in any illicit act even in our absence. that is why the prophet of islam said, " You can marry a woman for her beauty,riches,family background, or Religion. But i recommend for the religious one she will be a savior for you". Because she will take care of you for her and her for you.
 ALLAH ya sa mudace.

[waduz]

Lawalli, wannan maganan haka ta ke. To amma ai ka san mutane da rashin sanin ilmin addini. Every day you hear "waazin kasa" here or there, but do the people listen to what was being preached for them to understand the message of God and the Prophet? There is an acute knowledge and understanding of the teachings of the Koran and the Hadith. Most of the learned only cram the knowledge but cannot interprete correctly and clearly what was enjoined on us by the books. That is why you find a lot of violations of the teachings of the Koran and the Hadith among adherents.
As for the buzu case, my thinking is that the wife must have encouraged him to help bath her on the pretext that she will ask for a pay rise for him, and he willingly obliged her. It could also be that the husband was not playing his matrimonial "role" properly, which drove his wife to look else where. But giving excuses will not defend their misdemeanour against the offence the two committed. Look at the confidence and the audacity the buzu displayed while explaining his need for a pay rise. Did he know the extent or gravity of the offence he committed? What are the punishments, if any, the Sharia will impose on himand the wife?

[HUSNAA]

Lawalli, wannan maganan haka ta ke. To amma ai ka san mutane da rashin sanin ilmin addini. Every day you hear "waazin kasa" here or there, but do the people listen to what was being preached for them to understand the message of God and the Prophet? There is an acute knowledge and understanding of the teachings of the Koran and the Hadith. Most of the learned only cram the knowledge but cannot interprete correctly and clearly what was enjoined on us by the books. That is why you find a lot of violations of the teachings of the Koran and the Hadith among adherents.
As for the buzu case, my thinking is that the wife must have encouraged him to help bath her on the pretext that she will ask for a pay rise for him, and he willingly obliged her. It could also be that the husband was not playing his matrimonial "role" properly, which drove his wife to look else where. But giving excuses will not defend their misdemeanour against the offence the two committed. Look at the confidence and the audacity the buzu displayed while explaining his need for a pay rise. Did he know the extent or gravity of the offence he committed? What are the punishments, if any, the Sharia will impose on himand the wife?

Eh. Ai dama kowace fitina, macan ce take fara bullo da ita. Haka kake so ka fada ko Waduz? Because of the audacity with which he approached the husband. Ni I think he is not a buzu, but a bafilatani ( ).
Anyway, has it never occurred to you that the buzu maybe vindictive and lying, just to cause a fracture between the husband and wife? Do you honestly think that even if it is true that the wife will admit to it? So the bottom line is that whether the buzu did indeed help "bathe" uwargida or not, the husband will never believe that it didnt happen. And you know what, if she has to swear her innocence like it is allowed, the marriage still goes caput, because after taking oaths of fidelity, usually the marriage between the husband and wife becomes null and void forever.  Even if it didnt come to that, the natural pride of the husband will always taunt him for being a cuckold if he  decides to forgive the wife and continue to live with her, even if he cant establish the veracity of events. So naturally as far as she is concerned, in so far as there is not a 100% watertight alibi to cover the wife, then its waje road for her. On the contrary kuma, women forgive a lot when it comes to men's shenanigans and indiscretions.

I still find it hard to believe this little episode is not one of the kinds of jokes played on fulani by hausawa ko barebari. The buzu/bafulatani takes the trophy for stupidity...he really does unless ofcourse if he was bent on destroying this particular marriage, in which case he has to take the trophy for cunning and deviousness. This is why I cant make out why he cannot think of his particular interactions with the wife of another man as taboo. I mean surely if he was all that naive and stupid, still his natural instincts would make him know that this was wrong. Ko turawan ma da suka maida zina and company a blase thing, of no importance, take strong objection to their wives or husbands sleeping with someone behind their backs, unless they had come to a mutual understanding in their marital relations...(i.e. that it is permissible, and not many of them do that either. The husband usually reaches for his shotgun or hunting rifle in order to do justice to the situation).

[Dan-Borno]

BUZU: Maigida, kudin aikina fa ya karu.

MAIGIDA: To, ta ya ya?

BUZU: Bayan kayi tafiya na kwana bakwai, ni nake yi wa uwargida wanka.

                               

Ni I think he is not a buzu, but a bafilatani ( ).

thank you auntyn muhsin, see you guys monday.

[Nuruddeen]

Bata lokaci kawai. Wannan duk maganganu ne marasa dalili kukeyi a wannan gurin. Na lura cewa akwai tsofaffin mata zawarawa anan. Mu samari yan bana bakwai ina ruwan mu da wani batun bazawari da bazawara. Da Allah ku daina bata lokacin ku a wannan thread din. Kai MUdacris ina kai ina shiga maganar wadanda basu san darajar aure ba. In kaji ana maganar bazawari da bazawara ai batayi dadi ba. Sun je sun karya maganar manzo anki ayi hakuri har ya kai ga rabuwa. Shi ne yanzu ake so azo a damu mutane. Allah ya na kallon duk wanda ya zalunci kansa. Mu dai ba ruwan mu da aikin dana sani. Kai EMTL ina ruwanka da wani batun Bazawara ko bazawari tun da baka taba sakin mata ba? Naga harma da Ibrahim Waziri wanda shi harzu tuzuru ne.

Duk wani wanda yasan yana da aure ko wata wadda tasan tana da shi da amma yanzu auren ya mutu sune zasu bata lokaci anan amma ba mu ba. Ni yanzu ne ma zanyi aure sabo fil dan ubansu.

[HUSNAA]

Nura, you are overstepping the boundaries of politeness, I think. There are three women here who posted on this bazawara and bazawari thread. Me, Husnaa, Ummitta and MYSELF. Now I dont know what any of us has done to you for u ka cimana mutunci. This is a thread to air one's views. We have aired our views. You know nothing about us, whether we are married, divorced or widowed. We like to respect everyone on this board and we believe some is owed to us as well. In wata ce ta bata make rai, please do not offload your angst on us.

P.S. Tunda kai tuzuru ne, ai bai kamata ka bata lokacin ka anan ma ba writing at all. You are not qualified since ko auren ma baka taba yi ba.

[EMTL]

Assalamu alaikum,
Yayarmu/Antinmu Husnaa da Dan uwana Nura ku maida wukar- ban da kutufo.
Duk abinda ya sami mutum dama yana cikin littafinsa kamar yadda Ubangiji Ya kaddarta masa, saboda haka aure da mutuwarsa duka hukunci ne na Ubangiji- sai dai akwai hisabin yadda muka gudanar dasu.

Akwai matarda ta nemi mijinta ya sake ta saboda mashiyin giyane ita da duk wanda ya dace sunyi masa nasiha ya ki ya daina kwankwadar barasa- kullum zai dawo mata a buge! Kuma idan yana cikin maye zai iya sabo ko ya sake ta kuma ayi zama hakan,
Manzon Allah (SWT) ya auri Bazawarawa, don haka su ba abin kyama bane.. A ra'ayina abbubuwan da ban yadda da su ba sune:
1. Zawarawa su fita suyi zanga-zanga,
2. Maza su sake matansu idan dai ba hakan shine Maslaha ba,
3. Ma'aurata suki yin hakuri da juna.

Dukkanmu Allah (SWT) ya shiryemu da gafara-amiyn.

[HUSNAA]

EMTL
Allah Ya Ja zamanin ka. It has nothing to do with maida wuka or kutufo. It is an unjustified accusation from somebody who has never met any of us, doesnt know how we live whether we are married or divorced, in short, he has never ever seen any of us in the flesh. So for him to come out with something like this is beyond the bounds of civility and as far as I am concerned it shows a lack of respect for women in general, since it is not as if he has any evidence to what he claims. Its almost sounds like a vindictive statement and I am really disappointed in Nura, because I thought highly of him before.

[Nuruddeen]

Nura, you are overstepping the boundaries of politeness, I think. There are three women here who posted on this bazawara and bazawari thread. Me, Husnaa, Ummitta and MYSELF. Now I dont know what any of us has done to you for u ka cimana mutunci. This is a thread to air one's views. We have aired our views. You know nothing about us, whether we are married, divorced or widowed. We like to respect everyone on this board and we believe some is owed to us as well. In wata ce ta bata make rai, please do not offload your angst on us.

P.S. Tunda kai tuzuru ne, ai bai kamata ka bata lokacin ka anan ma ba writing at all. You are not qualified since ko auren ma baka taba yi ba.

Salamun alaikum Husnaa. Allah ya sani ban fito fili ba nace Husnaa ko ummita ko Myself. Kuma banyi personalising abin da nace ba. Amma Allah madaukaki mai girma mai kowa da komai yana fada acikin littafinsa mai tsarki cewa " WALLAHU MA'ASSABIRIN" A wani guri kuma yace "INNALLAHA MA'ASSABIRIN", ma ana Allah yana tare da masu hakuri. Saboda haka rashin hakuri a zaman takewa ta aure tsakanin miji da mata shi yakan kai ga rabuwa har ma akai ga wani batun zawarci, bazawari ko bazawara. EMTL ya bamu misalin lokacin da annabi ya auri Nana Khadija tana Bazawara. Wannan idan muka dauki ma'anarsa ta lamutta'alim zamu ga cewar anyi ne domin a nunawa Duniya misali. Abin da duk Annabi yayi to ya zama sunna domin darasi ne for ppll of understanding. Zai yiwu circumstance irin wanda EMTL ya kawo na mace wadda mijin ta ke shan Giya bata yadda ba, Musulunci ya yadda abi mata hakkin ta. Amma yanzu abin dake faruwa shi ne saboda boko ko wasu dalilai sai kaga mace na neman hayyake wa mijin ta. Bama sa tunanin cewar Aljannar su tana karkashinsa ne. Su ma kuma mazan idan kika dauki ma'anar su ta lugga kafin ki dawo ta lamuttta'alim zaki tarar cewa ya wanci basu san sharuddan aure da saki ba. Allah subhanahu wata ala ya fada mana acikin sura al- Baqara cewa " Attalaq marratan" wato shi dai saki a tsakanin matan ku daya ne. Ma'ana idan har wani abu ya faru tsakanin ka da mace ta aure idan har an kai ga rabuwa to ayi saki daya tak. Saboda idan an huce za'a dawo. Saboda haka rashin hakuri duk yake kawo irin wannan batutuwa marasa amfani. Shin ma a ina kika gani cewar idan an rabu  mace ta tattare kayanta nan da nan ta tafi gidansu? Musulunci cewa yayi ta zauna. Mijinta yabar ta tazauna tayi idda sannan ta tafi gidan su. Mai yiwuwa kafin ma ta gama idda anyi hakuri sai a koma. Amma "wala kinna akasarannasi la ya'alamun. Kalilan yata fakkarun". Bi ma'ana, yawa yawan mutane basu sanin haka. Kadanne daga cikin mutane ke gane hakan. Lallai kam kadanne masu waaztuwa da daukan darasi. Allah ya samu daga cikin 'yan kadan daga ni harke tare da dukkan wadanda suka taso da wannan batu marar dadin ji. Kuma na fada na sake yar' uwa. Lallai kam duk wanda bashi da hakuri akan al'amurra na rauwa da zamantakewa idan muka koma ga bayanin Allah Subhanahu wata'ala,  to fa Allah baya tare da shi. No regret in my views whatsoever Husnaa.
Akulu kauli haza wa'astagrifurullaha li walakum. Nura

[ummita]

Husna cool off kinji.....duniya yenzun sai da hakuri. Lets just say some of us are lucky to grow up when the "pleases", "thank you's", sorry's and other courtesy remarks were the most powerful tools to good communication. I no blame some of dem jare, the misfortune of the ever growing grumpier society of today got some forgetting all these.

*Signs* lol, lol, lol. First of all I am not in anyway peeved about his comment at all but what I find incredibly and amazingly funny is this......how one desperately tries to pull a string of gentlemen into his wagon of unsound reasoning I cannot understand!!  Let other male members speak for their tongues for they were not mute in their preceding comments above. And they certainly do not entirely share the same opinion as yours. And for the love of God... if a thread doesn’t rub anyone’s back.....simply dont comment. It’s dead easy.!!!!!!

Kai! Hankali dai fa, keidai kayi addua naka.....we all have women as mothers, daughters, or even sisters!!! Be careful  of the things you spit out. Now the best part. How one gets so contradictory to the point of ridiculousness, is what I cannot comprehend. First quote below, the man felt like he was doing a step up ballet or salsa dance on broke bottles, all agitated and parasitically slurring women divorcees as the case seems to be then close his remark with a touch of insult for niceness I guess. Second quote was his magical transformation...... to religiously quote vehemently and advice about patience and perserverance on the issues of divorcees.........Its like two split personalities in one...Ken in Barbie! If I disliked a thread this much, I wont even bother!!!

Ni yanzu ne ma zanyi aure sabo fil dan ubansu

Amma Allah madaukaki mai girma mai kowa da komai yana fada acikin littafinsa mai tsarki cewa " WALLAHU MA'ASSABIRIN" A wani guri kuma yace "INNALLAHA MA'ASSABIRIN", ma ana Allah yana tare da masu hakuri.

All the shenanigans about observing divorcees in the forum is absolutely irrelevant here and I see no problem if divorcees comment on this thread or any other thread, It is no one’s business. To the rest of the members....see what happens when we pay little attention to details!!! When I said first things to deal with is stereotyping against divorcees it was paid no mind.

Now my serious take on life & even this forum is I don’t give a two scents and don’t care whether people here are men or women, married or unmarried, students or workers, divorced or widowed or whatever.....I really don’t care who you be. All I see through the pages of this forum is really nice people like brothers and sisters.

As for this man I have never commented to you in this forum so I take God beg you no dey use my name for your show. I no wan wahala. Biko, please! Lastly plzzzzzzzzz stop using “MY” blue font colour, its mine.

Pls can we continue with this very serious discussion....Thank you!

[ummita]

Husna, this has sparked me to tell you all what occurred to a friend of mine recently. Sometimes, it seems it only seems that...until you open up and push reality under ppl’s nose before they begin to smell it.

On a Friday, I taught I would do something immaculate to clear off all the badness from friends who label me as the soooo not nice person for not either visiting or keeping in touch with them.  I decided to visit a childhood friend of mine who is known by alot for her sweetness, kindness and respect. Happy she was to see me and after exchanging hugs and pleasantries, we sat for a chat. She was eager to bring in some munchies and drinks. I was apprehensive of the spring rolls being a very picky person when it comes to food and the cake looked too butty. I lied to her that I was on a diet but would have some cranberry juice. My friend was in stitches mocking me for she never knew I was never among the class of concerned about my weight girls. She snubbed me off saying she wished she could burn off some calories and have my dress size. I smiled feeling silly for lying and being busted. What ever the case the spring rolls looked too oily and the cake was not my likes.....Anyway, we were having a nice chat and she looked abit erked and complained of being very tired these days. I gave her a look that “us” know and she told me not to even think about that. I said to her I wasn’t. My friend kept glancing over an entrance which led to another sitting room looking abit worried. I was beginning to worry aswell. I didn’t know what was coming through that door or what the worry was all about. I felt like asking if everything was ok but didn’t. And so we kept chatting about life though our subject was about tailors and how they can mess you up. She glanced again over the door and it was then she lowered her voice and said “gaskiya Ummita am not happy, am trouble. I wanted to run away. I hate listening to things like this especially marital issues. She said things were not “ok” between her and the bread winner. She complained of his arrogance, rudeness and lack of affection for her and for no material reason. He was just so rude to reason and has a temper. All I could mutter and kept repeating to my friend is not to worry, inshallah you be fine, just keep praying. Kiyi hakuri and don’t tell anyone even your parents. It shall come to pass. I wished I didn’t say all that now. I really do. A loud voice came through and quickly, my friend was juggling towards her living room her fish tail skirt giving her no room to hurry up.  I taught oh...owww didn’t know her hubby was home and I taught mhmm his voice tone sounded rude and asserting for sure!

I heard the click clacking of plates and spoons and my friend’s voice asking if he wanted more food or water or drink. I wasn’t eavesdropping ok. I could hear them loud and clear. I didn’t hear her hubby reply, perhaps he shaked his head, shrugged a shoulder or whatever. Next thing I heard was a slight argument going on and I began to feel realyyyyyyy uncomfortable I have been uncomfortable all along anyway. Then arguments turned into insults and I heard my friend saying “gaskiya Aminu kada ka kara zagin mahaifiyatah” and I knew it was a slap that I heard next. It was like a bolt from the blue when I heard him saying that did he have to call her twice before she summoned herself? Between sobs I heard my friend replying I swear I didn’t hear you. I was with ummita next door. I felt plsssssss don’t call names not mine plz, pls, pls!!!! Then I heard ita Ummita ne ko Umma ko wacece bataji ina kira ba” I was like hell no.........dont dictate on me now!!!! I aint your wife. Command on her not me! I was beginning to see eye to eye of what my friend was complaining about earlier. I really wanted to go now and I started looking for my gele, keys and bag. Now there was verbal abuse going on from the husband......da kuma gori, I cloth you, I am rich and can marry up to four, your father is nothing but a big political thief. I was like  *WTF* My friend was now crying cussing him of how heartless and disprespectful of him to say that.  I was now contemplating of whether I should go in there or just head out. Then a loud thud came, he must have rammed her against the sofa or wall or shoved her...whatever it was it was getting physical. I was walking quickly to towards the entrance door dead scared. What I saw coming was terrible......Her husband pulled off a DVD system and aimed it right through my friend. I couldn’t move, all I saw was a flying object, it happened all too quickly. I frozed and all I could see was my friend on the floor and blood oozing from her head and all I could her hear repeating was “innalillahi wa inna ilahir rajium”. I was shaking I didn’t know when I started repeating after her. I was by her side with my hand pressed on her head to stop the bleed. Situation was bad. My friend was in pain and shock and I went into panic. I felt like running even though I was a witness by the victim and the culprit was standing inches away above us looking like incredible hulk. I was scared to a state. My friend was in her conscious state but still I was thinking all sorts. I looked over and all I could come out with was “Mallam wannan wani irin hauka ne”. He just walked passed us and said “dukanku ku fita gidana”. I taught I had no time to reply a lunatic like him. I quickly called their house girl and their driver and we were heading straight to hospital. What was I to do? I rang her elder sister who rang her mum who then rang the dad, before you knew it her elder brothers were trooping in the hospital. It was like an ally’s formation.

Her elder brother looked me saying. Ummita sannu ko, Allah ya saka da alkahair. I gave him this confused look thinking....what did I do, I was nowhere able to stop him besides I wished I was never there in the first place. All I could say was “toh”. Then the questions began from almost all her family members? Ina  Aminun yake? I said I don’t know. Meya faru? I said I don’t know? Dame ya fasa kanta? I said DVD? How? I said I don’t know. It happened all too quickly. Me tayi mishi? I said I do know. My palms were sweaty I was shaking, confused as I was bombarded with zillion questions at a time. I kept using a paper to fan my eye and kept looking up and blinking to stop tears flowing. My friend was not in a very critical state but she was bad. I felt sick and weak and wanted to go home. Thoguh I didn’t know if it was ok for me to leave. Of course everybody was concerned about my injured friend even I myself but common........I am a witness who is under shock too!!! I needed me some attention and TLC too.   Anyway I called out, was taken home, clean the blood stain off my hands couldn’t eat, took some paracetamol and went off to bed.

Come Saturday morning, I couldn’t go visit my friend. I woke up with a very heavy head and felt drained out. Towards midday I rang in to check on my friend and was given details that she was doing fine, though she had to go through stitches, and she was going to be held in for a two day observation. I went to see her on Sunday eve to visit her. Eventually she was fit to be discharged by Monday. I paid her a few visits back at her parent’s house because I had to travel on emergency grounds. I returned two weeks later only for story to reach me that my friend and her husband are now divorced. Apparently he issued the divorce. We later learnt that is is dating some Igbo girl called who happens to be his office secretary and I taught that might have been the reason for all his waywardness. Though words got round that he had it in hims a history of dodmestic violence as it was what ended his first marriage!

Allah dai ya kyauta ya kare.

Now I ask.....does this make my friend an undesirable woman for another man to marry?  Ita ne tayi zalunci? Ko bata san daraja na auren bane? Ko kuma even if we cannot do anything, we should not discuss what is happening in the diaspora? Ko kuma iden munyi Magana akai bata lokaci neh? Ko kuma itaceh ta kasa hankuri da shi din da ya kai da rabuwan?

Abge some ppl should think again!

[HUSNAA]

Ummita, this is a really sad story. But it reflects reality. This is what is happening. Your friend in her capacity as a wife is at home doing what she is commanded to do, that is keep house and chastity for the husband. Meanwhile he is off rocking with another woman out of wedlock, becos I cannot believe that he was being a chaste suitor with his girlfriend. He comes home and physically, and verbally abuse his wife, injures her, and leaves her for dead as far as he is concerned. Later on he follows up with a divorce letter. Now if this bazawara decides she never wants to see the back of another man, who is to blame her? And like you said, does that make her an undesirable woman for someone to marry? Was it her fault that she was divorced? And suppose it was, does that excuse the husband's behavior? Haka Allah Ya ce aiyi treating women?

As for Nura, you might not have mentioned my name or anyone other woman's name in yr post, but you leave no one in doubt as to whom you are referring to. No one and I mean no one who reads that particular post will be left in any doubt that you are referring to the women who made comments on this particular thread.
You said quote "Na lura cewa akwai tsofaffin mata zawarawa anan." unquote. Where is "anan" if it is not this thread? Why the gender qualification before the word zawarawa? Why didnt you say just akwai tsoffaffin zawarawa, so that it encompasses both men and women. Had you done that, I wouldnt have felt so insulted, I would have just left it at "kowa yayi zagi a kasuwaa yasan da wanda yake." Besides kuma your explanation though welcome, was an afterthought. It has very little to do with the offending post. In fact I have read through yr explanation and I cannot find any connection between the two. But be that as it may, like Ummita says, one shouldnt get peeved. But it was just so unexpected especially coming from you.
Well anyway enough. My protests were so that everyone understands everyone else. Insinuations are a very deadly and dangerous thing, and had I kept quiet about the matter, people will eventually start believing what you wrote was true or must have some basis to it.

[Nuruddeen]

Husna, this has sparked me to tell you all what occurred to a friend of mine recently. Sometimes, it seems it only seems that...until you open up and push reality under ppl’s nose before they begin to smell it.

On a Friday, I taught I would do something immaculate to clear off all the badness from friends who label me as the soooo not nice person for not either visiting or keeping in touch with them.  I decided to visit a childhood friend of mine who is known by alot for her sweetness, kindness and respect. Happy she was to see me and after exchanging hugs and pleasantries, we sat for a chat. She was eager to bring in some munchies and drinks. I was apprehensive of the spring rolls being a very picky person when it comes to food and the cake looked too butty. I lied to her that I was on a diet but would have some cranberry juice. My friend was in stitches mocking me for she never knew I was never among the class of concerned about my weight girls. She snubbed me off saying she wished she could burn off some calories and have my dress size. I smiled feeling silly for lying and being busted. What ever the case the spring rolls looked too oily and the cake was not my likes.....Anyway, we were having a nice chat and she looked abit erked and complained of being very tired these days. I gave her a look that “us” know and she told me not to even think about that. I said to her I wasn’t. My friend kept glancing over an entrance which led to another sitting room looking abit worried. I was beginning to worry aswell. I didn’t know what was coming through that door or what the worry was all about. I felt like asking if everything was ok but didn’t. And so we kept chatting about life though our subject was about tailors and how they can mess you up. She glanced again over the door and it was then she lowered her voice and said “gaskiya Ummita am not happy, am trouble. I wanted to run away. I hate listening to things like this especially marital issues. She said things were not “ok” between her and the bread winner. She complained of his arrogance, rudeness and lack of affection for her and for no material reason. He was just so rude to reason and has a temper. All I could mutter and kept repeating to my friend is not to worry, inshallah you be fine, just keep praying. Kiyi hakuri and don’t tell anyone even your parents. It shall come to pass. I wished I didn’t say all that now. I really do. A loud voice came through and quickly, my friend was juggling towards her living room her fish tail skirt giving her no room to hurry up.  I taught oh...owww didn’t know her hubby was home and I taught mhmm his voice tone sounded rude and asserting for sure!

I heard the click clacking of plates and spoons and my friend’s voice asking if he wanted more food or water or drink. I wasn’t eavesdropping ok. I could hear them loud and clear. I didn’t hear her hubby reply, perhaps he shaked his head, shrugged a shoulder or whatever. Next thing I heard was a slight argument going on and I began to feel realyyyyyyy uncomfortable I have been uncomfortable all along anyway. Then arguments turned into insults and I heard my friend saying “gaskiya Aminu kada ka kara zagin mahaifiyatah” and I knew it was a slap that I heard next. It was like a bolt from the blue when I heard him saying that did he have to call her twice before she summoned herself? Between sobs I heard my friend replying I swear I didn’t hear you. I was with ummita next door. I felt plsssssss don’t call names not mine plz, pls, pls!!!! Then I heard ita Ummita ne ko Umma ko wacece bataji ina kira ba” I was like hell no.........dont dictate on me now!!!! I aint your wife. Command on her not me! I was beginning to see eye to eye of what my friend was complaining about earlier. I really wanted to go now and I started looking for my gele, keys and bag. Now there was verbal abuse going on from the husband......da kuma gori, I cloth you, I am rich and can marry up to four, your father is nothing but a big political thief. I was like  *WTF* My friend was now crying cussing him of how heartless and disprespectful of him to say that.  I was now contemplating of whether I should go in there or just head out. Then a loud thud came, he must have rammed her against the sofa or wall or shoved her...whatever it was it was getting physical. I was walking quickly to towards the entrance door dead scared. What I saw coming was terrible......Her husband pulled off a DVD system and aimed it right through my friend. I couldn’t move, all I saw was a flying object, it happened all too quickly. I frozed and all I could see was my friend on the floor and blood oozing from her head and all I could her hear repeating was “innalillahi wa inna ilahir rajium”. I was shaking I didn’t know when I started repeating after her. I was by her side with my hand pressed on her head to stop the bleed. Situation was bad. My friend was in pain and shock and I went into panic. I felt like running even though I was a witness by the victim and the culprit was standing inches away above us looking like incredible hulk. I was scared to a state. My friend was in her conscious state but still I was thinking all sorts. I looked over and all I could come out with was “Mallam wannan wani irin hauka ne”. He just walked passed us and said “dukanku ku fita gidana”. I taught I had no time to reply a lunatic like him. I quickly called their house girl and their driver and we were heading straight to hospital. What was I to do? I rang her elder sister who rang her mum who then rang the dad, before you knew it her elder brothers were trooping in the hospital. It was like an ally’s formation.

Her elder brother looked me saying. Ummita sannu ko, Allah ya saka da alkahair. I gave him this confused look thinking....what did I do, I was nowhere able to stop him besides I wished I was never there in the first place. All I could say was “toh”. Then the questions began from almost all her family members? Ina  Aminun yake? I said I don’t know. Meya faru? I said I don’t know? Dame ya fasa kanta? I said DVD? How? I said I don’t know. It happened all too quickly. Me tayi mishi? I said I do know. My palms were sweaty I was shaking, confused as I was bombarded with zillion questions at a time. I kept using a paper to fan my eye and kept looking up and blinking to stop tears flowing. My friend was not in a very critical state but she was bad. I felt sick and weak and wanted to go home. Thoguh I didn’t know if it was ok for me to leave. Of course everybody was concerned about my injured friend even I myself but common........I am a witness who is under shock too!!! I needed me some attention and TLC too.   Anyway I called out, was taken home, clean the blood stain off my hands couldn’t eat, took some paracetamol and went off to bed.

Come Saturday morning, I couldn’t go visit my friend. I woke up with a very heavy head and felt drained out. Towards midday I rang in to check on my friend and was given details that she was doing fine, though she had to go through stitches, and she was going to be held in for a two day observation. I went to see her on Sunday eve to visit her. Eventually she was fit to be discharged by Monday. I paid her a few visits back at her parent’s house because I had to travel on emergency grounds. I returned two weeks later only for story to reach me that my friend and her husband are now divorced. Apparently he issued the divorce. We later learnt that is is dating some Igbo girl called who happens to be his office secretary and I taught that might have been the reason for all his waywardness. Though words got round that he had it in hims a history of dodmestic violence as it was what ended his first marriage!

Allah dai ya kyauta ya kare.

Now I ask.....does this make my friend an undesirable woman for another man to marry?  Ita ne tayi zalunci? Ko bata san daraja na auren bane? Ko kuma even if we cannot do anything, we should not discuss what is happening in the diaspora? Ko kuma iden munyi Magana akai bata lokaci neh? Ko kuma itaceh ta kasa hankuri da shi din da ya kai da rabuwan?

Abge some ppl should think again!

Well, masha Allah Ummita all things said, but your lengthy but empty explanation is understandable. I dont blame you. It could be that you haven't a slightest idea about what marital life is all about. But I believe what happen between that man and his wife that you were making lots of taciturnity and ado about boils down to my earlier assertion. THEIR LACK OF PATIENCE. Da ga shi har ita basu da hakuri. Kuma Allah ya gani Gulmar da takai ki gidan da kuma tsegumin maganar ki yaja mata shegen duka. Itta kullaha haisu ma kunta 'yar uwa. Idan ba gulma irin taku ta mata ba me yasa da yayi magana kikaji wani iri? Shi ne kuma yanzu zaki zo ki bamu misalin abinda ba amfani? Aikin dana sani kawai. Gaba ma kya kara zuwa gidan kawa Gulma da tsegumin abin da bai shafe ki ba.

[ummita]

kai mallam do you really have a problem with me? Cus am guessing there's more to it than this thread. Have I ever paid you mind in this forum right from the onset? I know ppl I joke around and engage discussions with. Perhaps you taught this thread is ur chance to take a plunge at me for you seem so triggered and about to bust by my very simple comments. But best believe I aint hurt d slightest, just finding you amusing lol, lol .....try harder next time. And if u not interested why waste time in reading my story. DonAllah mallam kayi hakuri Amman bana a rashin kunya d shirme. Please no vex, jeka kayi kai kadai wallah. Even if u were 2 insult my parents, wont accomodate u wit a response. Banaso hayaniyah. Abeg carry go. Duk abunda ka fada naji nagode but will not even dignify ur comments wit a sound response. Though come to think of it lol lol lol da irin wannan attitude din ne ake tunanin yin auren? Such a drama king LOL. Abeg can we continue...... Infact am coming with another he and she story[\color]
 

[waduz]

BUZU: Maigida, kudin aikina fa ya karu.

MAIGIDA: To, ta ya ya?

BUZU: Bayan kayi tafiya na kwana bakwai, ni nake yi wa uwargida wanka.

                               

Ni I think he is not a buzu, but a bafilatani ( ).

thank you auntyn muhsin, see you guys monday.

Hehehehehehe....Danborno kenan. Ai kowa ya sani cewa ko don kunyar da Allah ya zubawa bafillace, da kyar zai iya yiwa matarsa ma wanka, ballantana ace wa yayi wa matar wani. Buzu dai ya yi kwaba, ta rashin ilmin addini da ya biyewa fasikar mace!

Wato a ganina, irin wannan fitoda alamuran aure da makamantansu, jamaa na bada sharhi a kansu, shine zai sa kila mu gano bakin zaren da zai kaimu ga gaccin zaman lafiya da matanmu. I have discovered through many posts that contributors like talking about an issue affecting the opposite sex, be it male or female. There are issues like "do(g)mestic violence where husbands mercilessly beat up their wives, virtually making the home a prison to the wife. Instances abound also, where a man marrying two wives, without the fear of God, will completely disregard one and favour the other with attention and even gifts.
I recently witnessed a similar scenerio where two brothers of the maligned wife came to the house and took their sister back to their family house, and threatening to deal with the husband for maltreating their sister. The reason that culminated into taking that action was that for over a week she was lying seriously sick and the husband did not find it necessary to even visit her room and greet her on the illness. Before she fell ill, the husband has packed to the room of the other wife. How many of us can endure seeing our sister being maltreated on account of marriage without taking any decision?