MOST DIFFICULT HELD CONVERSATIONS (WATS URS?)!!!!!

[straightalkin]

Assalamu alaikum,
I think Men should duly inform their wife(ves) whenever they are marrying another woman.

A friend told me his experience. When he went about taking a second wife he discussed three options with the wife (Uwargida), and the wife selected one and backed her selection with a sound and convincing reason.

Each time he is going for 'tadi' his first wife will send  some presnt to the lady and when eventually Amarya came home they have been living happily. Both the husby and second wife hold the first wife in high regards. Allah (SWT) ya bazu zama lafiya kuma Ya albarka auren nasu.

Alhamdulillahi I think being honest is the way forward. whether the wife handles it the way this woman here did or not... it is a mark of respect to be truthful to your wife.... and any sensible woman will appreciate her man's honesty and not beat him up for it.... otherwise she will never hear the truth again.

[straightalkin]

Some broad minded women not only understand but actually encourage their husbands(dont laugh) to please please please contribute to a worthy cause by bringing in a mate. ( i,ts all the Islamiyya influence .Allah ya saka musu da Alheri)

[color=blueI think wat straighttalkin was trying to point out is that men of these days do not actually break the news of dem jumpin the broom but is left for the wife to find out from other sources. And that is so not nice. I mean where is the love, unity, trust dat a man owes to his wife that he cnt break the news to her himself? Apart from that why cant they "men" confront their wives openly, straight forward & tell them they gettin dem new mates! [/color]

Malama ummita, if you want to see the demonic side of an angelic wife a man marries just wait till he breaks the news of him getting married again. All of you are talking about straight confrontations. Couple of years back a freind of mine maried a second wife she nearly killed my freind with hot water saboda tsaban kishi! Sannan kuna maganar a fito a gaya ma mata. Malama straighttalking for instance, are you sure you will take it well indan ya zamanto mijinki zai yi sabon aure yazo direct ya gayamiki? Allah yasa ba zaki bishi da tabarya ba. Ai tsiyan mata, they sometimes are weak and cant control their emotions. They get so weak at knees. Nidai ba fata nakemuku amman bari lokutanku ya zo kwa gaya ma aya zakinta.

Yes guest. i am certain that i would rather hear the truth. ba zan bishi da tabarya ba. even if i react horribly in the beginning the little voice in my head will be telling me.... 'but at least he was man enough to tell me before hand'.....

[kitkat]

To madalla yan mata. Ummita kema Allah ya saka miki da alheri. Never thought i would see this line of reasoning accepted by the modern day ladies of this forum. Where theres life theres hope.
So there you have it. The argument seems to be in favour of just hitting the nail on the head and telling uwargida to prepare herself for the sharing game, despite the obvious health implications of this approach due to the unpredictable nature of our womenfolk. Remember a woman scorned.....

But on a serious note there is a good case for responsible polygamy in our present society even if the women are bound to take our reasons with a pinch of salt. I mean wont you rather have a 1 co partner at home than several girlfriends outside?

Straighttalkin ba za ki bi shi da tabarya ba? et tu!!!

[Dante]

No matter what is said in a conversation, one should be right while the other is wrong!

The good thing about conversations is that @ the end ofit, the outcome should be a correct answer from either of the ppl involved.

The best conversation is that of religion! a hadith i learned sometime ago, but cant find any of its source.

[Nuruddeen]

Hi everyone.
Not 2 waist ur time, I just wanted 2 ask & perphaps 2 know how u go about most difficult held conversation without the second party feelin hurt!

Ok my freind asked if she cud die her hair & I told her dat Islam permits a person 2 die his/her hair aslong as its not black. She got her hair dyed in beige stricks wit a touch of PINK & styled it. She came home & asked me wat I taut about it...............(I simply replied that it didnt look nice at all) I didnt know where I went wrong she refused tlkin 2 me 4 3days. Am very unfront & straight, wen ppl want my view on a thing I say it point blank but even wen dey demselve know dat am sayin d truth dey still feel upset. Of recent I came 2beleive dat truth hurts (she laffs)

A cousin asked me of how she cud end her relationship wit a guy she neva liked but due 2 pity of how he was fallin head ova heels 4 her she went wit his flow. Even though I hardly like gettin in 2 dis kinda discussions, I told her 2 simply tell him 2 meet her up & tell him she aint interested anymore & am sure a man of worth is neva afraid 2 let go & he will accept it & move on. She said I had no heart of pity @ all, infact it turned out in2  huge argument wit d guy. But I taut she wanted d dude outta her life! Besides why is it hard 4 d guy 2 accept wat she decides & move on. So wats d best way 2 sweep dude/gul off ur shouldaz witout him/her feelin hurt?

I also witnessed where someone was tryin 2 convince another gul not 2 marry d guy she intended 2 cus he was d definition of a freak & she said her freind was juss jelous!

My lil nephew drew a pic of sum cartoony stuff & asked 4 my opinion. I creditedddddddd d drawin sayin it was absolutely perfect (as if) but added sumthin like "sweetie mayb if u make d eye smaller & paint d gul in pink it will me a gorgeous paintin. She went off 2 her mum cryin sayin I made it sound as if she drew a monster (I was totally gob smacked). She wanted my opinion I gave it 2 her.

A freind once confronted me yrs bck......2 inform me of something big, d fear d emotion, d uneasiness was written all ova d persons face. It took d person almost an hr 2 inform me dat someone dear 2 me passed away d night b/4. Since dat day I formed dis kinda of hatred 2wards d person who informed me about d death. I didnt even like 2 c site of d person not even his voice because it suddenly puts me in a state of shock & fear. It took me days 2 accept d truth. D person I hated wit a passion told me dat informin me about d death of d deceased was d most DIFFICULT thing dat he eva had 2 go thru 2 utter!

U wan2 tell ur granny dat wat she wants aint wat u want , so how u gonna tell her witout her thinkin................children of nowadays r so bloody unfront?

Typical xmaple. (Hafsy) sewed me a hausa dress.........d material was beautiful & all. She sent it 2 me & afta a couple of days rang 2 ask me if I liked it, I said I did like d material but I wasnt feelin 2 style. D dress was 2 tight, one can hardly breath in it & d skirt was 2 cut up & tight. Hafsy refused 2 ansa my fone calls 4 like 3wks!

Now u wan2 tell ur freind dat she shud stop duin wat u think is bad......no matta wat u tell her, even if its in a nicest way eva, her face reaction will give u dat "who do u think u r 2 tell me wats ryt"

A gul or a guy wan2 know things bout u. But u feel like u dnt like ppl gettin up close & personal wit u. U feel that wat remains ur business shud remain ur sole business. Wat concerns u, concerns u alone. So u tell him/her dat u wish not 2 tell dem nothing bout u. D second party gets totally upset! I taut one has a right 2 privacy & a right 2 hav his or her things left personal no matta wat!

U hav dis gul or guy in ur class & dey hav dis BADDDDDD SMELL. Mayb dey dnt wash up or brush........or ur boyfreind/gulfreind stinks how can u tell dem 2 wash up?

So hav u eva had a difficult conversations, tryin to convince someone of something, knowing that it will hurt? How do u go about it? Or wat was d best way 2 deal wit d scenarios I gave?

Ride on Baby. You are right on track. Tell people the truth about themselves. They either take it or leave it.

[ummita]

I want to make an observation.Ummita, it seems like you have the belief that breakin up with someone you love is easy........im sorry sis but maybe you have never fallen in love(i mean real love).It's a disease u know.It's not easy at all(breaking up).It can be the hardest thing a couple can do.
I think it is a very bad idea for you to tell anyone to break up a love r/ship
.The guy/girl can hate you for the rest of your life.
To be on the safe side,avoid talking too much on one's love r/ship no matter how close you are with a person...cos it's a very sensitive issue.

Gogannaka r u sure u didnt brush read thru wat I wrote?  Well as I said discussing relationships aint mah feild. So mayb I shudnt tell her 2 tell her boo despite all d facts. She asked for mah opinion I gave it 2 her. Ok lemme put it dis way. Gogannaka u lyk mah cousin so much. U pay her visit 3,4 tyms a day. Fone calls........mhmmm too much I say, u know.....ok deep within it u2 lavish her wit all she wants...she approaches meh 2 tell meh dat she doesnt really like u, infact she neva liked u but d reasons shes still wit u is because she feels sorry d way u luv her & she dusnt luv u bck & dats d only sole reason that shes wit u!!! So ha'z it gonna b? C'mmon u d only playa in d game lurvvvvvvv. Point to note dey r not couples, dey juss courtin. So wats hard in here ehn? Breaking up? :?  So d best thing is 2 tell her that she shud tell her boo d truth. This r mah reasons as follows:
1. She shud stop givin him false alibi
2. She shud stop waistin his tym, let him move on wit his life
3. She shud stop giving him d impression she likes him
4. She makes him look like a fool when he is only inluv
5. It is not gud @ all 2 treat ppl dat way.
6. I luv mah cousin & if shes not gonna b happy wit dis guy &she knows she dnt like him den she has a right 2 move on  & d guy has a right 2 stop being fooled so dat he can move on as well.

Thats why some hausa men get two timed 2 much.......dey hate 2 accept d word "break up & move on" & dey end up heart broken. Gogannaka stay there & say its a disease...dnt do the ryt thing wen things go wrong. No worry ...........stay there!!!!..........(she laffs)

[gogannaka]

Thanx for the correction.
I still think you should'nt always say your mind on issues such
as peoples love relationships.Its too personal.

[Fulanizzle]

salam... ummıta... sumthın ı learnt a looong tıme ago....the 'zaman' has changed so much.....we r ın thıs zaman that NOBODY wants to hear the truth..... so just tell them what they wanna know ıf u want to avoıd people thınkıng that u r a playa-hater..... thats why when anyone asks for my opınıon, ı answer them wıth 'what do u thınk bout ıt? ıf u feel comfortable lıke thıs then do ur thang!' ..........

oh well.......
peace

[kitkat]

Fulanizzle,
The more things change the more they stay the same. Of course the society has changed and people hate to hear the truth, but the solution is not to join the bandwagon. Actually in todays cynical word the truth is so rare that it stands out like a gem and you will be suprised at the no. of people just wanting to hear it like it is.
I like truth because it,s so easy on my mind. You tell it on monday and you can tell it again on friday without wracking your brains. Heck you say it  in January you can say it gain in December. No hassles.
Plus people know when youre lying anyway, they just like to hear it.

[Fulanizzle]

SALAM...SEE PEEPS LIKE U R RARE  N VERY KOOL...

SEE I DONT HAVE TO LIE TO THEM ...THATS WHY I  TELL THEM TO DO WHAT THEY WANT.... I ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS WITH MY QUESTION...  KI GANE? SOOOO THERES NO NEED FOR ME TO LIE.....:-)

SEE PEEPS LIKE U...I CAN ANSWER UR QUESTIONS WITH MY OPINON..COZ U ACCEPT THE TRUTH....UNLIKE 90% OF THE PEEPS....

SALAM

[_Waziri_]

It can be good if we can all be sincere. But I say we should not always aspire to be. I believe we all understand English enough to differentiate between sincerity and truthfulness. When I say my sincere opinion, I mean just what I think. What is in my mind!

But when I say I am truthful. It means I am fair. Struggling to be just. and this is what we should all aspire to achieve in our interactions with others. Let's always try to say what is important only.

A friend once showed me the picture of his fiance (or is it fiancee)? and  waited in expectation to hear my comments on her; whether she is beautiful or not. I refused to comment! to give my "sincere" opinion. Why? I chose to be truthful. And being truthful here demands that I must come to terms with the reality that  my "sincere" opinion  is not important and cannot in anyway benefit anybody. When he insisted in hearing my view I told him that I personally do not consider it morally equivalent to comment on my friend's wife.

Here again, Ummita told Hafsy that the dress she got for her was good but only that some aspect of it was not good.

This is (my apology Ummita) of course not right in anyway. She should not have been sincere. She should have been truthful, and the truth is: Hafsy so much like her that she could pass thru all the troubles of getting the material for her which is an indispensable action and show of committment to the cause of their friendship;

Part of the truth also is whenever someone extends their kind hands to you they expect appreciation and the best way to live always is to learn to appriciate for atleast it gives food to the soul of the reciopient of your appreciation. Be always on the thanking side for the Prophet says: he who do not thank ppl for what they do to him he will not thank God;


Also Part of the truth is when we realise that saying there is something wrong about the dress is not in any way IMPORTANT at the point of that interaction. Because it will not change anything, unless if it was meant to be a subtle suggestion that will make Hafsy get a better one. You can see it is not important.

In my opinion generally. People should not speak only but when it is necessary. Let them say what is important also only .

We have to understand that there is nothing that HURTS more than words. People can go to every extent, threading the emotional pathways, on the account of what they hear. Words are the worst of weapons of mass destruction. WATCH your words!

For those of you who want to try this should begin by telling their boyfriends and girlfriends "Hey gelle I know it is my money  you want!!!!!", "Hey guy, I know you are together with me only because I am intelligent and beautiful and nothing more!!!!!".

It is then you would come to terms with the reality of what I am saying.

But for the mean time. I say to you what Allah says to the Prophet of Islam: Wa Kulli Ibadiy Yakulil Latiy Hiya Ahsan  , meaning,

"Say unto my servants to say the best(that will mend them together) when it comes to SPEECH"

So lets not be sincere but rather realistic and truthful, we should say only what is important, that we may safeguard our union.

I remain must grateful,

I ask for your forgiveness.

[sa salati]

actually,i,ve got nuttin 2 say 2 dis piece

[kitkat]

Waziri, thats really deep man. Nothing like a touch of religion to drive home the point.

[Anonymous]

thats why when anyone asks for my opınıon, ı answer them wıth 'what do u thınk bout ıt? ıf u feel comfortable lıke thıs then do ur thang!' ..........

peace

Mah dear, 2 tell u d holy truth.................D lass tym I used dat ansa question wit question style..........I juss heard mah granny was callin on weddin!!! Dat "What do u think" is a yes 2 mah granny.........mhmmm

[Hafsy_Lady]

Ummita aka Beeheeve..........no worry about di dress me & u na inseperabu. Anyway di kine love wey you dey show me pass enitin jare. Infact I tell di tailor make ehn sew betta style I didnt know he sewed something that was close to advertising man pikin legs lol.

Mhmmmm my own is that grandparents dont understand at all! I dont know whether I fit blame their age? Yup its hard to tell grand parents that you aint ready to settle down for marriage that you still young. It makes me wonder which part of "am not ready" and "am still young" dont they understand. Your parents have never spoken about marriage to you but grand mama already don plan her own agenda. Some grand parents will let hell loose that a guy or a gul must marry and sometimes the innocent helpless guy/gurl cant find the right words to make them understand. Its difficult to convince grandparents. When I told my own oldie gramz that am too young to jump the broom. Come see wahala she just burst into tears saying I dont want her to cuddle her grand children. So her mind has already gone to grandchildren!!!!! :roll: