MOST DIFFICULT HELD CONVERSATIONS (WATS URS?)!!!!!

[kitkat]

Hafsy and Twinkle you guys are getting me all wrong. I'm not holding fort for Guests husband or encouraging her to resign herself to an unhappy and unworkable marriage for the rest of her life, but leaving a matrimonial home with 2 kids is not akin to leaving a boring party or a movie theatre halfway just because you don?t like the flick. Or telling your cheatin campus bobo to bugger off!!

This is serious stuff ladies, the decision to get married is one of the most important steps a person takes and it usually changes your life for the better, or sometimes for worse .If at some point in time it becomes imperative to unravel the union ( hey its supposed to be mutual after all babu dole)  then the same level of seriousness must be brought to bear on the situation. Were all saying the same thing, twinkle says ?if she can?t stay with the man and he aint changing his ways?: That?s exactly what I?m getting at but I prefer to give him a chance to repent, don?t forget even Mrs. Guest says the devil you know??

I don?t know about you guys but it takes a special kind of relationship to metamorphose into marriage, were talking serious deep rooted feelings here not a passing fancy, and any marriage that has undergone this process presupposes a great deal of love and affection between two consenting adults, so why so quick to jettison everything because of an isolated act of indiscretion.

Your ?hit the high road? attitude also exposes your apparent lack of understanding of the intricacies of marriage. In fact I strongly suspect that neither one of you has crossed the rubicon and actually felt the kind of emotional whatchamacallit that makes the average girl go YES! THIS IS HE, THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN!!( saura a cinye ni danye :lol: ).

If you did you wouldn?t be so quick to advocate the quick fix option of packing a bag and telling the kids ?tell your dad to get you a new mom, I?m off?. Intelligent sense has nothin to do with it, ba ku ji ana cewa love dont make no sense ba? talk less of marriage.

Kuma twinkle din nan I'd like to see you practice what you preach. You and a 40 year old are all women ko? That means as a God fearing young lady youd gladly settle for a 50 year old with 3 wives and 10 kids with a good head on his shoulders instead of that fly dude with the raised eye brows and slick tongue just because you think he may be prone to misbehavin?? Answer me NOW!!

Idan har mijin ya cije then by all means a separation can be arranged as a last option, otherwise ku barsu su gwada mana, haba. What if she jumps from the frying pan into the fire.

Kuma dai ku duba a hankali when its your turn. Akwai shegu . wolf in sheeps clothing prowling the arena fa! Thats why i said in another thread that u should get to know your partner in a "real" sense not courtship mode quintessential behaviour knowledge. We pretend too much and after the marriage a sense of accomplishment takes over and you wake up next to a stranger, Allah ya kiyaye.

Hey have u heard the new Destinys child single "hold my breath? :lol:  :o

[Fateez]

hehehehe...Kitkat, i think da new DC single is "Lose ur breath" it's nice rite?

[Fateez]

Serious business now, well i know i'm not so good when it comes to relationships

and all cos i've got issues of ma own, but Mrs Guest I think u r a very

strong woman to be able to endure and persevere even when u were not

happy, I feel for u, Allah zai saka maki, kuma kinsan wata sharia'ar sai a

lahira! Waziri i understand what u r saying but i came accross dis qur'anic

verse and i think i shud share it;

Allah Most High says in Surah al-Nur:

?Let no man guilty of adultery (or fornication) marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever. Nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman. To the believers such a thing is forbidden?(Surah al-Nur, V.3)

The above ruling refers to the situation where the adulterer or adulteress have not yet repented and are actively involved in their evil ways and practices. If one has sincerely repented, then there is no reason to abstain from marring them.
(ref: Tafsir ibn Kathir and Ma?arif al-Qur?an).





Now Kit Kat, isn't dis similar to wat u refered to as Twinkle and Hafsy's

"Destiny's child fan club" talk? Idan har he hasn't repented {not just by

mouth, but by heart} she's not eligible to marry him. Da choice lies in

Mrs. Guest's hands cos she's da only one among us who "might" be able

to know her husbands state of mind. But then again, sometimes we have

to make very tough decisions in our lifetime in order to have the best in

the hereafter. Allah na bayan mai gaskiya.

[kitkat]

hehehehe...Kitkat, i think da new DC single is "Lose ur breath" it's nice rite?

Aaahh another fan!!

thanks for the correction, some of us are just fringe listeners.
Ur right though, sounds good.

[_Waziri_]

Fatima, it is one thing to pluck out a Qur'anic verse in order to support a position. But it is another thing to put them in the most appropriate context necessary to achieve a fitting conclusion.

The verse you referred to above have all its verbs active which shows everything to mean a position that should be taken before marriage; Let an adulterer should marry not but an adulteress.

But how about if after marriage one discovered how an "adulter" his or her partner is, as in the case of Mrs. Guest? Where is the verse that speaks about that? No, you will not find that verse.

But you will be able to find a Hadith in Buluug Al-Maraam which told about how a companion of the Holy Prophet told the Prophet about his(companion's) wife inability to resist any man that makes overtures. The Prophet told him to divorce her but the man said he loved her then Prophet Muhammad told him to continue to keep her that way.

This is the truth the way it is.

I repeat here that our guest must not even start thinking of leaving her man now. In Islam we make judgement not only on what is HALAL or HARAM only. But we also take into consideration the kind of circumtance we find ourselves in. In some circumstances, a HALAL could be a HARAM and vice versa.

In the light of this. I always say when Madam leaves that man, the chances are 70% or more that she will get into the hand of the same or even worst character.

You are women, we are men. We live in our own world which we know better. One man once told me how his wife kept bothering about his mistress. He told me of his plan to tell her, if she persisted,  how he once  shared a mistress with her uncle to whom she was must likely to take the matter to. I persuaded him not to and tried to make him the futility in that exercise. I really suceeded for now they are living happily with his wife and he has given up mistresses.

Add to this. I have many sisters and cousins like you. My worry every day is how I can have a responsible people who will marry them. Therefore I cannot advice a 30 yrs old mother to call a marriage quit.

Fatima, Twinkle and Hafsy- Lady, you are quite young I can perceive. I believe we will all be better off if we can understand the truth that Being happy doesnt mean everything is perfect... it only means one has learnt to accept the inperfections of of life.

In your marriage you certainly will be seeing many things that will always make you want to call it quit no matter how good your husband is but what can make you reverse your decision always is the above statement I made and the truth that you live in marriage not for the man but for God. Remember what is happening around you in Britain. You can see that ins pite of the height the men reached in claiming being good to women, yet the women do not see them perfect enough to sustain a marriage. Their law that gave women the right to divorce is now wrecking the fabric of their social setting.

Finally I will like to state one shocking truth. All the men I have seen and discussed the reason why they cheat on their wives always express to me their regret over their actions. They too they don't like doing it. It is only because they are truly addicted  so to say like a ciggarette smoker.

As such I will advice Mrs. Guest to bear with her man. I do not advocate sincerity in speach. I promote politeness. So Mrs. Guest should not speak to her man about it directly. Let her begin by suggesting to him to employ some precautionary measures against STD's. This will form the beginning of discussion about the problem. Then I assure you that if she would remain calm and tactical and as days follow nights so she will come to discover the mystery behind her husband's problem and eventually the way out.

[dan kauye]

twinkle,1/2cy,fateez,kitkat & waziri(especially) y'all doing a v--v--v-ery wondaful job in here,y'all have as very wide positive horizon 2wards r/ship mattas which i must admit i'm no betta dan a big 0(mayb) @ it.its amazing how many ppl y'all touch wid ur good ideas despite diffrences in opinion i blieve y'll doing it 4 d good,may ALLAH  reward y'all abundantly,peace y'all!

[ummita]

Kitkat I hav 2 say, u speakin sum sense but gt a few 2 add...though mehs got no time now. But will b bck.

Mrs Guest, dnt worry cus ONE MANS TRASH IS ANOTHER MANS TREASURE. IF SOMEONE TRASHES U, ANOTHER WILL TREASURE U

Hafsy & Twinkle weldoneeeeeeeeee indeeeeeed

[Muawiya]

Kitkat I hav 2 say, u speakin sum sense but gt a few 2 add...though mehs got no time now. But will b bck.

Mrs Guest, dnt worry cus ONE MANS TRASH IS ANOTHER MANS TREASURE. IF SOMEONE TRASHES U, ANOTHER WILL TREASURE U

Hafsy & Twinkle weldoneeeeeeeeee indeeeeeed

To, pa..... kinji MALAMA GUEST, GASHI AN DEBO WATA PROVERB MAI DUNBUN MEANING AN DANKARAMIKI.
NIDAI NAWA BAYANIN ITACE KI DANGANAWA ALLAH KOMAI.

[ismailyusuf2004]

Technically speaking, sometimes having a little courtesy when trying to have a difficult conversation does help. But other times its not right to say things out pop and clear. Well like ummita said, I got her a material three pipul were after and willing to pay more just to have it. I had to pay extra, took it to the tailors who was going off for Sunday service I gave him a tip the dress was ready in two days. I gave the driver to deliver it her & I had to kiss up & suck up all the attitude he was giving me. I rang days later happy to ask if she liked it. All she said was the material is gorgeous but "I DONT LIKE THE SEWING" I would not directly tell someone that! I mean whats up with that? I went all through that and this is what I got! Though she tried making me understand but I was too upset to understand her point even though it made sense & I refused to accept it. So yes sometimes its hard to accept things. Anway as for her I told her off big time. Harsh words she got. Didnt yah? (hehehe)

But I think if people where very confrontational, open and direct things would be far more better. Communication and iterraction will be greatl. If girls were open there wont be too much gossiping. I mean "look Aisha in her eyes and tell her what you dont like about her". Tell a guy who has just asked for your number that "look I appreciate it you liking me but honestly am not interested" instead of whining up a guy, making him think you like him, waisting his time rendering the situation more difficult when you deicide to tell the guy that after he is all inlove. Why not tell him right there and then. Men! you are getting second wives, why wont they approach their first wives & look them in the eyes and tell them. Pop and clear. Let her deal with it! There no point hearing it from someone. It will be a hard blow shot when she finds out elsewhere. You cheated on your guy and want to come clean, dont run round the bush, tell him straightlyyyyyy if you really feel sorry about what you did. Honestly only if people would be straight & open there will be better understanding amongst each other. But somethings gaskiya its difficult for people to understand. No matter how you best put it and how sorry you feel telling them what you really think, others dont understand especially amongst black people.
We just gotta learn how to be speak openly, kindheartedly passing your exact words no lying and being rationale about it

:D

[dan kauye]

wonda they say shall neva end..jus strolling thru som articles,stopped by 2 read dis & thot it might be kool 2 share it wif y'all...strange world..read on.


WEDDING REVENGE
Here is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.
To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man making out  with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.
After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "Screw you," he turned to the bride and said "Screw you," and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning.
While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge?
Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for 300 guests at the wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and, best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.

This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world; we just live in it.  abi??lol...how difficult & worse cud it get?
oops this thhread is abaut difficult conversations held..lol.

[kilishi]

:roll:  :roll:  :roll:

Dan kauye this is really amazing :shock: no be smalla disgrace he brought to the parent and wife,well they deserve it.

bout the topic i think almost everybody use to have such kind of wahala wurin fadar gaskiyar lamari,which  i think is due to the nature of human thinking some will welcome your gyara with pure heart while some will think differently, my sister the same father and mother naje mata hutu so i use to clean her room and do all sorts of things then she brought out one bedsheet and asked me to put it on the bed so sai na nuna mata cewa yadan tsufa kadan gashi kuma weekend ne they will get alot of visitors,sai nace ta kawo wani sai ta ke nuna min cewa ai nima nasan guda biyu ne da ita kuma and wanke dayan,so sai nace a'a sister kema dai bakya son sayen bedsheet gashi bedsheet a gida kamar naki ace sai an kirga,b4 i knew it my sister ta fara balbala masifa cewa ai nasan dai tafi karfin bedsheet da zance mata ta canza,don hka tunda ba daki na bane i should put it like taht bla bla, :D sai daga baya kuma after a week then take ce mun gaskiyar fa daga nan ta tura mu mu sayo mata sabbi.

[kilishi]

anoda tory,hmmm ummita know how to set topic woo.thumbs up for ummita,most of the time na me they charge my husbands mobile phone,wato g sm,most of the time kuma na kanyi amfani dashi wajen calling mutane and oda things,and i normally sent text message via his mobile b'cos he is using econet or vmobile and u knoe they have this bonanza of free sms monthly,nasan maigida bashi da lokacin da zaiyi exhausting wannan don haka i normally help him wurin cin bati,so one day i sent a text to my friend she replied and we continue like that like if we are chatting since i know i was using free facility,then i n the course a text came in,though the number doesn't reflect that of my friend but i thought may be she doesnt have credit that was why she got another line,hmmmm as i opned the text it was from my husbands boss he tried his line but couldn't get him,so he resorted to sending text and after explaining what he wasnts to say which was urgent he asked my oga to called him back,na karanta text,na rasa yadda zan fada wa maigida cewa ya yi recieving text gashi kuma urgrnt official assignment ne,kunsan ba dadi kayi intercepting message di n wani especially when it comes to that level,it will loook like iam e dropping on him,so na rasa yadda zanyi in na fada masa message zai tambaya yaya nayi na sani shi kuma ogan bai bugo ba,a karshe dai sai da ogan ya tada mutum yazo don yaga shiru ni kuma nayi deleting don bana son yaga message din da bai karanta ba amma gashi ansa read :roll:  :roll:

[kitkat]

anoda tory,hmmm ummita know how to set topic woo.thumbs up for ummita,most of the time na me they charge my husbands mobile phone,wato g sm,most of the time kuma na kanyi amfani dashi wajen calling mutane and oda things,and i normally sent text message via his mobile b'cos he is using econet or vmobile and u knoe they have this bonanza of free sms monthly,nasan maigida bashi da lokacin da zaiyi exhausting wannan don haka i normally help him wurin cin bati,so one day i sent a text to my friend she replied and we continue like that like if we are chatting since i know i was using free facility,then i n the course a text came in,though the number doesn't reflect that of my friend but i thought may be she doesnt have credit that was why she got another line,hmmmm as i opned the text it was from my husbands boss he tried his line but couldn't get him,so he resorted to sending text and after explaining what he wasnts to say which was urgent he asked my oga to called him back,na karanta text,na rasa yadda zan fada wa maigida cewa ya yi recieving text gashi kuma urgrnt official assignment ne,kunsan ba dadi kayi intercepting message di n wani especially when it comes to that level,it will loook like iam e dropping on him,so na rasa yadda zanyi in na fada masa message zai tambaya yaya nayi na sani shi kuma ogan bai bugo ba,a karshe dai sai da ogan ya tada mutum yazo don yaga shiru ni kuma nayi deleting don bana son yaga message din da bai karanta ba amma gashi ansa read :roll:  :roll:

One day you go kuku see the text wey go clear your eye :shock:
Wallahi ba ki ba wayar maigida!! Thats the rule on my side of town.

[kilishi]

One day you go kuku see the text wey go clear your eye :shock:
Wallahi ba ki ba wayar maigida!! Thats the rule on my side of town.

M e don trust my husband infact i be his gsm care taker :lol:  :lol: ahhh tori dey wo me if i tell you wetin i see and wetin i come do for that you go laugh taya,i just dont want to expose myself now but later you go know say i be correct care taker for gsm :x  :x

[Jummy]

One day you go kuku see the text wey go clear your eye :shock:
Wallahi ba ki ba wayar maigida!! Thats the rule on my side of town.

M e don trust my husband infact i be his gsm care taker :lol:  :lol: ahhh tori dey wo me if i tell you wetin i see and wetin i come do for that you go laugh taya,i just dont want to expose myself now but later you go know say i be correct care taker for gsm :x  :x

U go gurl... Well 2 b quite honest i don't c any problem when one goes tru her husby's fone, since marrage is all about being one, being  free & open minded.